"The Invisible Woman"

[AuntShecky]

[I wrote this yesterday, but I've been thinking about it for years, way back to the time when I was almost crushed by a sliding bus door, which the driver was starting to close just as I was attempting to board the bus. “Whoops! Sorry,” the bus driver said. “I didn't see you.”]




The Invisible Woman

Years ago you could buy a toy
called The Visible Woman –
a counterpart, perhaps an afterthought,
a sequel to The Visible Man –
not quite apropos
for Christmas morning,
but it was Educational.

So much to learn!
So much to see:
the anatomically
correct organs
lined up in their improperly
proper places behind
clear skin,
upfront Lucite
revealing all
to the naked eye,
with every mystery exposed,
even her womanly plumbing
and its labyrinthine ways.

I don't see her now.
Where is she, this plastic
paragon, this undressed Eve,
this Ur of females,
this Doll to End All Dolls?

Are all of her sundry parts
sundered somewhere in a box–
a breast in a corner,
the heart in the lid?

All lost
and broken
like dreams,
decades and
decades, dozens
of apartments ago.

Where did they
all go – that
youthful glow,
the natural teeth,
the shy smile?

Men are still
around, you can still
see them, the same kind
of guys who used
to look me up
and down.

Even then
they looked away –
but not as quickly
as now.

All Rights Reserved.

[mazHur]

Men are still
around, you can still
see them, the same kind
of guys who used
to look me up
and down.

Even then
they looked away –
but not as quickly
as now.

It's not ME among those men, please note !! ;) :)

these lines are good ,,,,and a complete poem in itself !
congrats.

[SleepyWitch]

The Invisible Woman

Years ago you could buy a toy
called The Visible Woman –
a counterpart, perhaps an afterthought,
a sequel to The Visible Man –
not quite apropos
for Christmas morning,
but it was Educational.
.
.
.
even her womanly plumbing
and its labyrinthine ways.
.
.
.
I don't see her now.
Where is she, this plastic
paragon, this undressed Eve,
this Ur of females,
this Doll to End All Dolls?



heehee, these lines are hilarious :) this Ur of females, this Doll to End All Dolls :lol:
the second half sounds a bit more thoughtful and er.. feminist? but they match together very well and the transition is smooth

[AuntShecky]

thank you both for your positive criticism.
If you have time, please check out the two poems that I posted
(Saturday? Sunday?) in
"Your Poems Inspired by Music."
thanks!

[SleepyWitch]

ok, I'll try and do that when I've got some more spare time. but I suck at both listening to music and talking about it (not to mention playing it), so I'm probably not the ideal critic for that kind of poem :)

[firefangled]

[I wrote this yesterday, but I've been thinking about it for years, way back to the time when I was almost crushed by a sliding bus door, which the driver was starting to close just as I was attempting to board the bus. “Whoops! Sorry,” the bus driver said. “I didn't see you.”]




The Invisible Woman

Years ago you could buy a toy
called The Visible Woman –
a counterpart, perhaps an afterthought,
a sequel to The Visible Man –
not quite apropos
for Christmas morning,
but it was Educational.

So much to learn!
So much to see:
the anatomically
correct organs
lined up in their improperly
proper places behind
clear skin,
upfront Lucite
revealing all
to the naked eye,
with every mystery exposed,
even her womanly plumbing
and its labyrinthine ways.

I don't see her now.
Where is she, this plastic
paragon, this undressed Eve,
this Ur of females,
this Doll to End All Dolls?

Are all of her sundry parts
sundered somewhere in a box–
a breast in a corner,
the heart in the lid?

All lost
and broken
like dreams,
decades and
decades, dozens
of apartments ago.

Where did they
all go – that
youthful glow,
the natural teeth,
the shy smile?

Men are still
around, you can still
see them, the same kind
of guys who used
to look me up
and down.

Even then
they looked away –
but not as quickly
as now.

All Rights Reserved.

Aunt Shecky, the implications and images in the details of this are just marvelous! I love the reference to "dozens of apartments ago" - "her womanly plumbing and its labyrinthine ways" - amazing.

[PrinceMyshkin]

This part in particular is devastating:





Are all of her sundry parts
sundered somewhere in a box–
a breast in a corner,
the heart in the lid?

All lost
and broken
like dreams,
decades and
decades, dozens
of apartments ago.

Where did they
all go – that
youthful glow,
the natural teeth,
the shy smile?

But I think these verses turn the poem from a musing on womanhood in general to a personal situation we aren't informed enough to think about:


Men are still
around, you can still
see them, the same kind
of guys who used
to look me up
and down.

Even then
they looked away –
but not as quickly
as now.

All Rights Reserved.

I'm prompted to wonder why did they look away from you & how might that have made you feel, but the poem hasn't provided me anything with which to think about that.

[mazHur]

I'm prompted to wonder why did they look away from you & how might that have made you feel, but the poem hasn't provided me anything with which to think about that.

I think it means that that woman, though having a feminine attraction for men, was not so beautiful or maybe she was so galubrious so as to disenchant advancing males !!

[ampoule]

Or it could be a woman's age. I once heard a woman in her early 40s say that once a woman turns 50 she becomes invisible.

Wonderful poem Aunty. I would like to read it for my book club this evening.

[Scube]

Loved it! Nicely done.

[Virgil]

Or it could be a woman's age. I once heard a woman in her early 40s say that once a woman turns 50 she becomes invisible.

I think Ampoule's right, this is the central theme of the poem, but I find logic somewhat beyond me: because this doll had the proper anatomical parts, the narrator is invisible and grown old? I don't follow the metaphor. What does the doll's anaotmy have to do with age? Maybe this is a woman's thing. ;)

Some nice lines; these stanzas especially:

I don't see her now.
Where is she, this plastic
paragon, this undressed Eve,
this Ur of females,
this Doll to End All Dolls?

Are all of her sundry parts
sundered somewhere in a box–
a breast in a corner,
the heart in the lid?
Nice alliteration and echoing.

Only critical line would be this: "lined up in their improperly/proper places". I see you're after a sort of paradox with improperly proper, but even a paradox must have an element of truth to make it resonate. Maybe I just have to see the doll you mean but I can't visualize the paradox. But perhaps I haven't thought about it hard enough.

Nicely done; I like the tone as it evolves from humor to pensiveness.

[AuntShecky]

Thanks to all of you for your thoughtful comments.