does love really bring out the best in people?

[SleepyWitch]

there's this saying that love brings out the best in people. but is this really true?
I mean, when you love your bf/gf/husband/wife, you will be nice and considerate to them (at least some people are), or if you love your child you'll treat him/her well, if you love a good friend or a mentor or role model, you will be nice and considerate to them. but what about the other 6 bn people in the world? does love for one person make us change our behaviour towards the rest of humanity?

do you have any stories about how loving your partner, child, friend etc has made you become a better person, mend your evil ways, change your attitudes, not only with respect to this person but in general?

[Pensive]

Nope, not always. It can turn a person very possessive and just into one thing that he forgets the rest. But it actually depends, can also make a person considerate about others because a person in love would probably think about those who love him/her or those who love others and how much they care about them. He would just get this feeling that he can relate to them.

[TheFifthElement]

Like Pensive I think this depends on the person.

I also think that sometimes the way a person loves you can have an impact on you as a person. Love can make you more secure or less secure, and your behaviour towards others can be affected accordingly.

I also think it depends on the relationship you have with the person you love. Before I had children I would never have considered it possible that I could ever even contemplate harming another person. I am a very peacable person but yet I also know that if circumstances came about whereby another person directly threatened the existence of my children then I would do whatever it took, including killing the other person if I had to, in order to protect them. I think that is something that having children makes you realise. There is no such thing as monsters and angels in human terms, we are all capable of every emotion/action conceivable and it is only a matter of circumstance that prompts us to act in one way or another. I would never go out of my way to harm another person, and I probably wouldn't take that step even to protect my partner, but where my children are concerned there are no boundries to what I could be capable of if circumstances pushed me in that direction. It's a frightening thought actually.

I wonder if this is what happens to people who are desperately/obsessively in love?

[Virgil]

there's this saying that love brings out the best in people. but is this really true?
I mean, when you love your bf/gf/husband/wife, you will be nice and considerate to them (at least some people are), or if you love your child you'll treat him/her well, if you love a good friend or a mentor or role model, you will be nice and considerate to them. but what about the other 6 bn people in the world? does love for one person make us change our behaviour towards the rest of humanity?

do you have any stories about how loving your partner, child, friend etc has made you become a better person, mend your evil ways, change your attitudes, not only with respect to this person but in general?

Oh boy, Sleepy is into all sorts of philosophic questions today. :p ;) I think on balance being in love is a good thing. It makes you a more pleasant person. I think a happy person is more congenial in general.

[AuntShecky]

In the U.S. the divorce rate is pretty embarrassing, either
a testament to failure or to sheer selfishness. (Things don't "work out" in life, so blame the partner, hmm?) Then there is the ol' expression: "Familiarity breeds contempt."

For the most part, though, we accept our families -- our immediate families, that is, warts and all. When one lives with a spouse and children day after day after day, one can't be at one's best, can't be 100% all the time. We aren't the Waltons or the Brady Bunch or the Huxtables.
We aren't saints. We are only human.
The abuse and neglect cases aside, most family members let each other be themselves. That in itself might be a definition of "love."

[amalia1985]

I agree with those who said that it depends on the person. Both the one who "loves" someone and the other who receives this love. Fortunately, my experience with love is positive, so personally speaking, I will agree with the sentence.

[DeathAngel]

It does depend on the individual but,
in certain cases, I guess so,

[Bakiryu]

Not really. Love always brings out the worst in people :(

[SleepyWitch]

Not really. Love always brings out the worst in people :(
what makes you think so, Baki?

[manolia]

I have to agree with Baki. Sometimes love brings out the worst in people.

[Pensive]

Not really. Love always brings out the worst in people


have to agree with Baki. Sometimes love brings out the worst in people.

There is a biiiiiiiiiiig difference between 'sometimes' and 'always'! :p

[NikolaiI]

What about affection?

Love brings out the worst in people only if they're already...I don't want to say 'bad', but you know, selfish...hurtful people...I dunno.

For me the love of my friends is something wonderful.

[manolia]

There is a biiiiiiiiiiig difference between 'sometimes' and 'always'! :p

:lol: Yes you are right :lol: Don't mind me today. I am not functioning properly :lol:

[amalia1985]

What about affection?

Love brings out the worst in people only if they're already...I don't want to say 'bad', but you know, selfish...hurtful people...I dunno.

For me the love of my friends is something wonderful.


Yes, I agree so much with that. Friendship is a treasure!!:thumbs_up :)

[Bakiryu]

what makes you think so, Baki?

Of all the people who have loved me or who I have loved:

One can't let go of me, allow me to grow as a person.
One tried to kill me and traumatized me for life, this same person make me try to kill myself numerous time.
One sent me spiraling into depression for 4 and a half years.
Others forgot me when someone better came along.
Others try to change me since they can't love me as I am.
Others criticized me and can't understand me, discussing me always.
For one I have almost fought another (don't want to say killed).
Others can't love me because of my body and looks.
Others love me Because of my looks.

Seee!

[TheFifthElement]

Of all the people who have loved me or who I have loved:

One can't let go of me, allow me to grow as a person.
One tried to kill me and traumatized me for life, this same person make me try to kill myself numerous time.
One sent me spiraling into depression for 4 and a half years.
Others forgot me when someone better came along.
Others try to change me since they can't love me as I am.
Others criticized me and can't understand me, discussing me always.
For one I have almost fought another (don't want to say killed).
Others can't love me because of my body and looks.
Others love me Because of my looks.

Seee!

Baki - I wonder if this is because there is much confusion in people between love and desire. Your examples above don't sound like love to me but rather the nasty by products of desire, perhaps specifically the desire to possess?

Love is not possessive, desire is possessive.

[Bakiryu]

Baki - I wonder if this is because there is much confusion in people between love and desire. Your examples above don't sound like love to me but rather the nasty by products of desire, perhaps specifically the desire to possess?

Love is not possessive, desire is possessive.

Most of these people are family and friends! (It'd be creepy if my friends desired me :sick: )

[Granny5]

Most of these people are family and friends! (It'd be creepy if my friends desired me :sick: )

I think love brings out the best and the worse in people.

[TheFifthElement]

Most of these people are family and friends! (It'd be creepy if my friends desired me :sick: )

No, it is still a form of possessive desire. The desire to control, to mould to you to the idea of what they think you should be - this is not love. I love my children, but as they grow up I have to let them go, I have to let them hate me (for a while) and realise that I am human and flawed. This is painful (on my possessive side) but necessary because they have to be allowed to grow into the people they want to be, not the person I want them to be. Love means letting go, even when you don't want (desire) to.

[jon1jt]

No, it is still a form of possessive desire. The desire to control, to mould to you to the idea of what they think you should be - this is not love. I love my children, but as they grow up I have to let them go, I have to let them hate me (for a while) and realise that I am human and flawed. This is painful (on my possessive side) but necessary because they have to be allowed to grow into the people they want to be, not the person I want them to be. Love means letting go, even when you don't want (desire) to.

well said. this reminds me of Augustine when he said, "If you love me, then you'll want me to be."

[crazefest456]

I think love did bring out the best in me. I used to be bitter and overly-cynical about everything, but I changed because of my Poli Sci teacher who taught me how to think...I never realized before that I never gave any other possibilities, a chance. I now treat people differently, look at them under different lights so that I become less judgmental. I owe so much to her.