Silence

[Pensive]

Silence

These two syllables
The bane of many people's existence
Cutting, biting, chewing and crushing them
Masticating them like the teeth do the food

Silence

Killer of the expectations of the oppressed ones
Murderer of a nation under tyranny but not ready to stand up
Anti-revolutionist, anti-movement

Stationary and calm
Apparently dignified but
Full of fission and fusion in itself

Silence

No answer
A lover: "Do you love me?"
Silence
An old man remebering his old days: "Can I get my youth back?"
Silence
Shattered husband: "Can I breathe life into my death wife?"
Silence
Pleading woman: "Can I bring him from heavens - my martyred son?"
Silence

Pain of a lover
The reason for despondency in an old man
The king never ready to abate even in front of pleads
The God-ly silence
Expecting us to fight it
Or bear what it has in store for us

Harming insides
Expecting to be able to live
When it should know when roots
Aren't there, from where would shoots come?

Would it die with my death?
Would it have to suffer like it made me suffer?
Would it explode when it die?
The thing that speeds up the process of the deterioration of my existence
Or would it act as a catalyst just joining my miseries together
Not undergoing a change itself?

Yet I cherish it
For I am weak enough to throw it off
Or probably brave enough to bear it

---

When I wrote it, At first I couldn't figure out mysef what I had really written down. Had just put down my emotions on paper (sorry, MS. Word I mean :p). Anyway, here it is. Let's see if it makes sense to you (do tell me if it does and even if it does not) and if it makes sense, any comments on how to improve it would also be really appreciated. :)

[Granny5]

Pensive, I really like this. It makes perfect sense in our lives and it made me think.
One typo;

No answer
A lover: "Do you love me?"
Silence
An old man remebering his old days: "Can I get my youth back?"
Silence
Shattered husband: "Can I breathe life into my death wife?"
Silence
Pleading woman: "Can I bring him from heavens - my martyred son?"
Silence

Should it be "Can I breathe life into my dead wife?" ?
I think it's a wonderful poem.

[SleepyWitch]

I like it too Pensy, especially the 'dialogue' in the middle

[Virgil]

Some excellent parts here Pensy. When I get more time I'll give you a more detailed critque. This has great potential and may be the best poem I've seen you do yet.

[AuntShecky]

silence is a cheap metal when it keeps us from speaking up against cruelty, but in most cases
silence is golden!

[Lozenge121]

Your poems are always improving. :). I like this, it portrays silence negatively all the way through, showing all the negative connotations, and at the end, it shows you the strength you have in facing it.

[blp]

Glad to see your earlier resistance to free verse giving way ;) – and producing such excellent results.

Damn. No one else has bothered to correct the little errors. I guess I'll have to.

Aside from the one Granny got, there's:




"Can I bring him from heavens - my martyred son?"



from the heavens. You might also want a different verb here, something like 'recover', perhaps.




Would it explode when it die?



dies.
I love that line though.

The following




The thing that speeds up the process of the deterioration of my existence



is what MSWord likes to refer to as a 'sentence fragment'. It's not clear what it refers to (though I presume it's 'silence') and needs another verb because the one you've got is part of the subject. If that's not too confusing (he said, using another fragment). Also 'the process of' is redundant and the sentence, or fragment, would read more smoothly, in my view, without it.

And I'm not sure what the end means, but I like the whole process of inquiry and I love




Expecting to be able to live
When it should know when roots
Aren't there, from where would shoots come?



You might like to look up John Cage's thoughts on Silence. Hello, here's a whole book by him on the subject (http://books.google.co.uk/books?id=zKQkLS5zKWAC&dq=john+cage+notes+on+silence&pg=PA54&ots=Uv8THpv17x&sig=IHJUmuli8WydtHJ0j-ACP3wge6c&prev=http://www.google.co.uk/search%3Fq%3Djohn%2Bcage%2Bnotes%2Bon%2Bsilence%26 ie%3Dutf-8%26oe%3Dutf-8%26aq%3Dt%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-US:official%26client%3Dfirefox-a&sa=X&oi=print&ct=result&cd=1&cad=legacy). But what I really wanted to find were his notes on silence, written out like a musical score. He also wrote a piece of music called 4.33, which was, in fact, simply 4 minutes and 33 seconds of silence. I saw it performed once on UK TV at the Proms, the annual festival of classical music. The pianist walks out, opens the piano and then sits, with the rest of the orchestra, for the agreed time. In the sixties, when the piece was first performed, someone described it as 'the most intense listening experience I have ever had.' :D

[blazeofglory]

Silence is a universal phenomenon
Let us not smear it with faculties of imgination
It is the first existence of course

See mountians are silent and farmlands are silent too
The sky is silent and the sun that brightening the world is silent too

Be silent for a while and feel
You will find everything in its real state

Sience speaks more profoundly
Silence may seem menacing
But deeper and deeper you go
Silence speaks more of things than noise

[chasestalling]

to pensive,

the poem is perfect the way it is, don't change a thing.

chasestalling

[Pensive]

Should it be "Can I breathe life into my dead wife?" ?
I think it's a wonderful poem.

You are absolutely right. Sorry, a typo. Thanks for reading the poem, giving your comment on it, and pointing out this mistake to me. :)


I like it too Pensy, especially the 'dialogue' in the middle

Thanks, Witch! :)



Some excellent parts here Pensy. When I get more time I'll give you a more detailed critque. This has great potential and may be the best poem I've seen you do yet.

Thanks Virgil. I am really flattered. Such kind of comments coming from such a writer as you is a great compliment for me. Am looking forward to the detailed critique now. :p



silence is a cheap metal when it keeps us from speaking up against cruelty, but in most cases
silence is golden!

Depends on how you take it. :)


Your poems are always improving. . I like this, it portrays silence negatively all the way through, showing all the negative connotations, and at the end, it shows you the strength you have in facing it.

Thanks Lozenage. I am happy that you liked it. :)


Glad to see your earlier resistance to free verse giving way – and producing such excellent results.

Jeez, blp, you remember my childhood poems even when I have forgotten much about them. You do have a good memory! :D But I do remember having taken your advice, and thank you. I feel it was worth it. :)


Damn. No one else has bothered to correct the little errors. I guess I'll have to.

Thanks again for taking the time to point out all these grammatical mistakes. Some of them, now I feel, had been quite silly. Immersed in the flow of emotions, I just couldn't pay much attention to grammar and didn't bother to re-read the poem before posting. Should better be more careful.


You might like to look up John Cage's thoughts on Silence. Hello, here's a whole book by him on the subject. But what I really wanted to find were his notes on silence, written out like a musical score. He also wrote a piece of music called 4.33, which was, in fact, simply 4 minutes and 33 seconds of silence. I saw it performed once on UK TV at the Proms, the annual festival of classical music. The pianist walks out, opens the piano and then sits, with the rest of the orchestra, for the agreed time. In the sixties, when the piece was first performed, someone described it as 'the most intense listening experience I have ever had.'

I would check it out straight now. :D


Silence is a universal phenomenon
Let us not smear it with faculties of imgination
It is the first existence of course

See mountians are silent and farmlands are silent too
The sky is silent and the sun that brightening the world is silent too

Be silent for a while and feel
You will find everything in its real state

Sience speaks more profoundly
Silence may seem menacing
But deeper and deeper you go
Silence speaks more of things than noise

That's not silence which speaks in a language you can understand and appreciate. :p


to pensive,

the poem is perfect the way it is, don't change a thing.

chasestalling

Hehe. Not even the grammatical mistakes the others have just pointed out? :p Anyway, thanks for reading and commenting on this poem of mine. :)

[Caravaggio]

I always enjoy poems that seem to flow from some hidden place and at first make little sense but upon another look you have real gold in your hands.

[blazeofglory]

silence is not the opposition of noise and not a moment of without speech. Languge's presnece or absence has nothing to do with silence.

[Pensive]

silence is not the opposition of noise and not a moment of without speech. Languge's presnece or absence has nothing to do with silence.

From Oxford Dictionary:

1: absence of sound
2: abstinence from speech or noise (in speech comes any sort of speech, in noise can come any sort of noise, it can be a sound produced by rustling of wind even)
3: avoidance of mentioning a thing, betraying a secret

Now one can assume silence as anything fitting on any of these definitions. I especially have focused upon the third one. :)


I always enjoy poems that seem to flow from some hidden place and at first make little sense but upon another look you have real gold in your hands.

Thanks for your encouraging remark!