Entropy

[TheFifthElement]

From my blog (thanks to those who have already commented :) )

Entropy

She lies inert,
in her hand the phone waits

static.

Wears a smile
like the other girls.

Hair straightened -


- salon shine,

because she’s worth it.

Perfect skin,
regular uniform teeth;

she flips
through Cosmopolitan magazine.

The phone rings;

‘…like,
…yeah,
…y’know’

pink bubblegum tones.

She fits in
just like the other girls.

[SleepyWitch]

neat description, I can imagine what kind of girl you mean (hehe, especially the hair style; when I was living in England, I found it hard to tell girls apart because they all had their hair straightened, even if it was naturally straight anyway) :D
but why is the title entropy?

a lack of order in a system, including the idea that the lack of order increases over a period of time

sounds as if something sinister is about to happen :p

[Chortle]

i like the title, it sets the mood for the poem itself, with a more cheerful title this poem might be lost a bit, but the title shows just how fake that kind of existance is, and that either the person will change over time, or they will simply drift to a comfortable nothingness of a life without independant thought.

[TheFifthElement]

Thanks Sleepywitch and Chortle :)

The title was the starting point of the poem. 'Entropy' has a number of meanings but these two in particular were the inspiration for the poem :

"A measure of the loss of information in a transmitted message"

"the tendency for all matter and energy in the universe to evolve toward a state of inert uniformity"

Seems appropriate in a society which is becoming homogenous and inexpressive in equal measures.

[Sweets America]

I think this is a sad poem, there is something of despair in it. Or maybe that's only because I'm in a sad mood, but I don't think so. I had read the poem at first on your blog. I had thought of it, and then I had come back and reread it. And now I reread it here and there is still the same thing in it which attracts me, this dark thing.
I like those lines in particular:

She lies inert,
in her hand the phone waits

static.

and

because she’s worth it.

and the ending, of course. You have a nice talent for ending your poems a great way.

[SleepyWitch]

I like those lines in particular:

She lies inert,
in her hand the phone waits

static.

and

because she’s worth it.


I liked because she's worth it, too. it reminds me of one of those ads for beauty products that make people feel as if they were someone special and brain-wash women into believing that they will be more interesting or significant for the rest of the world if they tune up their bodies

[jon1jt]

[/B]
From my blog (thanks to those who have already commented :) )

Entropy

She lies inert,
in her hand the phone waits

static.

Wears a smile
like the other girls.

Hair straightened -


- salon shine,

because she’s worth it.Perfect skin,
regular uniform teeth;

she flips
through Cosmopolitan magazine.
The phone rings;

‘…like,
…yeah,
…y’know’pink bubblegum tones.

She fits in
just like the other girls.


obvious enough that the pop lingo was intentional, which is fine, but still i'm not feeling this one on the grounds that i don't see much of anything that you're adding or shaping to make it speak with your voice. that's just me. hope that makes sense. i'm going to check out your blog, i'm sure i'll find somethin'. :)

[TheFifthElement]

I liked because she's worth it, too. it reminds me of one of those ads for beauty products that make people feel as if they were someone special and brain-wash women into believing that they will be more interesting or significant for the rest of the world if they tune up their bodies

Well spotted Sleepy! The line is taken from the Loreal advert tag line (which really bugs me, along with Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's Maybelline gah!).


obvious enough that the pop lingo was intentional, which is fine, but still i'm not feeling this one on the grounds that i don't see much of anything that you're adding or shaping to make it speak with your voice. that's just me. hope that makes sense. i'm going to check out your blog, i'm sure i'll find somethin'. :)

Hi jon - thanks for checking in ;)

Yes, your comments make sense! The lack of a distinctive voice was very deliberate - this is me in homogenous media speak just like the other girls. It was a gargantuan effort to stay in tone.