Solitary Confinement

[TheFifthElement]

Each surface reflects my isolation
repeating in cold steel walls,
closed doors, the mirror that flows
from ceiling to floor; an unnatural pool.
I find no comfort in its waters
only a question.
If I dip my fingers in will fish leap out
and flop onto the carpet
dying while I watch;
a thousand silver deaths?
I turn away, instead
reflect on the observable
nature of things, my hands in
the mirror, the hands
that are not my hands.
I twist and turn them, study the
veins, the bones, the beating pulse;
I close my eyes, they disappear
in the absence of touch.
Is this where truth lies?
Time waits on the outside, knocking;
doors sealed, it cannot get in.
A voice shouts,
‘Hello, is there anybody there?’




(just to explain - I was trapped in a lift for over an hour the other day - this is the result! Sadly they let me out - I could have stayed there all afternoon.)

[Sweets America]

I like this very much. It has a certain coldness. I like the ending, too, with this unknown voice which contrasts with the isolation of the beginning.

[white camellia]

an unnatural pool

a thousand silver deaths


I'm particularly interested in the metaphors here (deaths in a pool, wow). This may be developed into a horror or a fantasy.

[blp]

Not my cup of tea this adolescent angst. I don't know why. I still write it myself from time to time, though I'm years past adolescence. I think it's probably just that it's too purposeful. It assumes that art can simply be bent to one's will, to whit. I'm depressed and I need to express the depression. It's too easy and yet, in not giving language free play, doesn't really, I'd hazard, result in real self expression anyway. Well that's my working hypothesis.

Do you know the Members song of the same name, 5th? Extemporising from memory:

Nothing ever happens where I live
Except there's this rather nice girl who lives across the way

Solitary confinement, your so lonely
Solitary confinement, it gets so frustrating
The members are gonna tell you
what it's like to be
on your own, by yourself, on your own, by yourself
on your own, by yourself, on your own, by yourself
on your own, buy yourself....this record.
:D

[TheFifthElement]

Thanks Camillia and Sweets America :)



Not my cup of tea this adolescent angst. I don't know why. I still write it myself from time to time, though I'm years past adolescence. I think it's probably just that it's too purposeful. It assumes that art can simply be bent to one's will, to whit. I'm depressed and I need to express the depression. It's too easy and yet, in not giving language free play, doesn't really, I'd hazard, result in real self expression anyway. Well that's my working hypothesis.

Do you know the Members song of the same name, 5th? Extemporising from memory:

Nothing ever happens where I live
Except there's this rather nice girl who lives across the way

Solitary confinement, your so lonely
Solitary confinement, it gets so frustrating
The members are gonna tell you
what it's like to be
on your own, by yourself, on your own, by yourself
on your own, by yourself, on your own, by yourself
on your own, buy yourself....this record.
:D

He he he, its an interesting thought blp but actually the poem isn't about depression. I wasn't aware it had a depressive tone, though perhaps there is an element of coldness as Sweets America indicated, detatchment was more what I was aiming for - perhaps the confusion is in the title? Adolecent angst huh? At least I've regressed a few years!

I got trapped in the lift (elavator in case that doesn't translate) the other day and this poem is me making sense of the experience. It's very surreal situation to be in, being trapped on your own like that but I wasn't afraid, or lonely, or sad, in fact I was quite comfortable there, left alone with my own thoughts. Part of me was a bit sad when they let me out though ;)

I'd be interested to know what it was about the poem that made you think it was depressive though. That really wasn't the tone I was aiming for at all.

[blp]

The first line sounds pretty depressive. Also the phrase 'no comfort'.

Perhaps you should call it 'trapped in a lift'. ;) Now I know, it all makes sense. I didn't read your explanatory note the first time. But obviously, except in very special circumstances, you shouldn't need to rely on explanatory notes.

[dibyendra]

Each surface reflects my isolation
repeating in cold steel walls,
closed doors, the mirror that flows
from ceiling to floor; an unnatural pool.
I find no comfort in its waters
only a question.
If I dip my fingers in will fish leap out
and flop onto the carpet
dying while I watch;
a thousand silver deaths?
I turn away, instead
reflect on the observable
nature of things, my hands in
the mirror, the hands
that are not my hands.
I twist and turn them, study the
veins, the bones, the beating pulse;
I close my eyes, they disappear
in the absence of touch.
Is this where truth lies?
Time waits on the outside, knocking;
doors sealed, it cannot get in.
A voice shouts,
‘Hello, is there anybody there?’




(just to explain - I was trapped in a lift for over an hour the other day - this is the result! Sadly they let me out - I could have stayed there all afternoon.)

Yes Fifth, loneliness is sometimes so frustrating that it makes one feel hollow. I can feel your pain reading this poem and you have profoundly expressed the state of loneliness. :thumbs_up

If you don't mind, I would like to share my past poem with you which is not so good but though to share with you in this thread.


what have I become ? (Alone)

Oh what have I become ?
In this great big world,
how can I can feel so alone ?
I've never felt like this before.
So alone....
Just like sea without a shore,
sky without stars,
tree without birds...
My soul is all alone,
it now sings a different song.
Oh! what have I become?

Nothing seems right,
everything seems wrong.
Oh, what's going on?

But I don't want to bang my head
on the wall in anger,
don't want to hurt myself and bleed
being depressed,
and don't want to give myself suffering
being frustrated.
This world will definitely call me insane
if I do so.
This won't be a good news for
myself,
doctor,
family,
and friends.

With Love,
Dibyendra

[Sweets America]

Thanks Camillia and Sweets America :)




He he he, its an interesting thought blp but actually the poem isn't about depression. I wasn't aware it had a depressive tone, though perhaps there is an element of coldness as Sweets America indicated, detatchment was more what I was aiming for - perhaps the confusion is in the title? Adolecent angst huh? At least I've regressed a few years!

I got trapped in the lift (elavator in case that doesn't translate) the other day and this poem is me making sense of the experience. It's very surreal situation to be in, being trapped on your own like that but I wasn't afraid, or lonely, or sad, in fact I was quite comfortable there, left alone with my own thoughts. Part of me was a bit sad when they let me out though ;)

I'd be interested to know what it was about the poem that made you think it was depressive though. That really wasn't the tone I was aiming for at all.

To me, it sounded cold because of the 'cold steel walls', the water, the silver deaths, the veins and bones, the mirrors and the reflection they gave, reflection of loneliness. And you also speak of death, and I think I see why blp fond a depressive tone in it. To me it had a dark tone too. I wouldn't necessarily have linked this to adolescence because loneliness can happen at any time, but I sure thought the poem had a dark tone, which apparently contrasts with what you wanted to do with it? I found loneliness and hopelessness in the poem. And the fact that the voice in the end 'shouts', I don't know, it added to the dark tone. Now maybe our views were also influenced by the fact that we know from our blog that you have not been feeling great these past days, it's a possibility. I hope you're feeling a little better now. :)
I think it's interesting that we got in the poem something you didn't intend to communicate. I like the poem very much, as I said.

[blp]

See, dibyendra thinks it's about emotional pain too.:p

[TheFifthElement]

The first line sounds pretty depressive. Also the phrase 'no comfort'.

Perhaps you should call it 'trapped in a lift'. ;) Now I know, it all makes sense. I didn't read your explanatory note the first time. But obviously, except in very special circumstances, you shouldn't need to rely on explanatory notes.

Egads! Puts Stevens into a whole new perspective (user notes?!!). I wonder though, not all poetry is transparent. If it were we wouldn't have literary criticism and English lessons would have been a whole lot easier!

No but really, thanks for this - depressive was really not my aim but perhaps it slipped in there unknowingly. I think I might have to change a few things to exorcise that part.


Now maybe our views were also influenced by the fact that we know from our blog that you have not been feeling great these past days, it's a possibility. I hope you're feeling a little better now. :)

Yes, this was what I was wondering, whether my state of mind had leaked from my blog into the poem. Perhaps it has, but not quite in the way I thought! I am feeling much better now, thank you. Being away from work helps.


Yes Fifth, loneliness is sometimes so frustrating that it makes one feel hollow. I can feel your pain reading this poem and you have profoundly expressed the state of loneliness. :thumbs_up

Thank you dibyendra - it seems you have confirmed blp's views, which means that I've got work to do! Thank you for your kind thoughts, and the poem, as always :)

[dibyendra]

Oh sorry Fifth, my interpretation was somewhat wrong but was right in some extent :) . Thanks blp for alerting me.;)

There was already written on the footnote hehe

(just to explain - I was trapped in a lift for over an hour the other day - this is the result! Sadly they let me out - I could have stayed there all afternoon.)


Sorry once again. :blush:

[TheFifthElement]

No need to apologise dibyendra! Sometimes what the poet intended, and what the reader sees are two different things. In this case I think your interpretation is probably more apparent than my intention! Glad both you, Sweets and blp pointed it out. :D

[Virgil]

Each surface reflects my isolation
repeating in cold steel walls,
closed doors, the mirror that flows
from ceiling to floor; an unnatural pool.
I find no comfort in its waters
only a question.
If I dip my fingers in will fish leap out
and flop onto the carpet
dying while I watch;
a thousand silver deaths?
I turn away, instead
reflect on the observable
nature of things, my hands in
the mirror, the hands
that are not my hands.
I twist and turn them, study the
veins, the bones, the beating pulse;
I close my eyes, they disappear
in the absence of touch.
Is this where truth lies?
Time waits on the outside, knocking;
doors sealed, it cannot get in.
A voice shouts,
‘Hello, is there anybody there?’




(just to explain - I was trapped in a lift for over an hour the other day - this is the result! Sadly they let me out - I could have stayed there all afternoon.)

An interesting poem. I don't think you need to explain. I would not have gotten that you were in an elevator without you telling me. The poem has a very metaphysical feel, a distortion of reality, and perhaps a re-evalution of reality. I would cut the last two lines, "A voice shouts,/‘Hello, is there anybody there?’ ". They don't add anything really {edit}

[TheFifthElement]

An interesting poem. I don't think you need to explain. I would not have gotten that you were in an elevator without you telling me. The poem has a very metaphysical feel, a distortion of reality, and perhaps a re-evalution of reality. I would cut the last two lines, "A voice shouts,/‘Hello, is there anybody there?’ ". They don't add anything really.{edit}

Thanks Virgil - in fact the metaphysical (rather than depression) was much more what I was aiming for. I really like the last two lines, for some perverse reason I can't put my finger on (perhaps because that is what actually happened!) but I can see what you mean about them being a little redundant. Perhaps when the incident has faded I might be a little more objective about them. And of course you're right, what prompted the poem is largely irrelevant, the reader will take what the reader takes, regardless of intention.

I hope you won't feel you can't offer an honest opinion about anything I post Virgil. I have always found your comments extremely helpful. :)

[PrinceMyshkin]

In defense of those last two lines, I suggest they are relevant whether or not someone intuits the literal situation. In the event that readers do NOT see the particular confinement you describe, the title and this or that in the following can be read to suggest the existential solitary confinement of each of us within her/his solipsistic consciousness, whereupon the voice calling from outside that confinement, "Hello, is there anybody there?" becomes painfully poignant.

[Sweets America]

An interesting poem. I don't think you need to explain. I would not have gotten that you were in an elevator without you telling me. The poem has a very metaphysical feel, a distortion of reality, and perhaps a re-evalution of reality. I would cut the last two lines, "A voice shouts,/‘Hello, is there anybody there?’ ". They don't add anything really.{edit}

I agree about the metaphysical atmosphere, now that you say it, it seems obvious. It's like I felt it before but couldn't put it into words.

And,

In defense of those last two lines, I suggest they are relevant whether or not someone intuits the literal situation. In the event that readers do NOT see the particular confinement you describe, the title and this or that in the following can be read to suggest the existential solitary confinement of each of us within her/his solipsistic consciousness, whereupon the voice calling from outside that confinement, "Is there anybody in there," becomes painfully poignant.

I like this, too.