Friendship

[Pensive]

Today, in school a girl mentioned me as her friend and on notiving my looks asked me whether if I considered her one. Now the thing is that I believe friendship is a big word and it has demands and with that class-mate my views quite differ. I hesitated for sometime but feeling a bit guilty on the thought I might be hurting her, I said, "Yeah, of course, we are friends." I get this feeling whatever I did was right (logically speaking it might not be but it made me feel okay) but now I wonder whom do you consider a friend? People you meet on nearly daily basis or talk with? People who have been good to you even for once and have never harmed you? People who have never been good to you and yet have never been bad to you and you just know them? (in this case there must be too many!)

What do you think are the demands of friendship? Or are there even any? Is there anything like good, better and best friends or is there just one thing that is friends? No sub-categories?

Do you have many friends or very few?

Now this topic might seem childish but I believe nearly every person in every age group gives importance to this word we call 'friendship' for what's a world without it. I would like to hear your thoughts about it too. Thanks for taking the time to read it all. :)

[B-Mental]

Thats a tough one...why is everyone asking tough questions today. The word friend is very ambiguous. I think that friends demands an adjective to describe it usually to effectively describe it. The levels probably would be...

Acquaintance = one you know
Associate = one that is friendly and a coworker/fellow student
Friend = one that you've done some things with, and are on good terms
Good Friend = one that you see often, are on good terms with, share some friends with.
Close Friend = one that is an intimate friend. They know a lot about you and have done things with you frequently. They will know your life...friends, family, significant other (or the one that you desire).
Best Friend = a selfless friend, they will do things for you without expecting anything back, always there for you. A best friend would never do anything to hurt you or compromise your friendship. I think a best friend to me is usually a friend of the friend or good friend of family friends.


There may be more levels, but that is a quick description. Each level of friendship goes both ways, usually. Albeit the friendliness of persons varies, one may be more friendly than the other, and therefore have the other at a slightly different level.

My best friends from when I was little are still my best friends. I have a question for you. Is there a difference in the way men and women treat their friends of both the equal and the opposite sex?

[Idril]

I'm like you Pensive, friend is a big word, on par with love. I have never used either of those words lightly. There are a lot of people in my life I've known for years and have spent time with and enjoy but I still wouldn't call them friends, more like aquaintences. A friend is a true confidant, someone you can be honest with, someone who isn't keeping track of how often you've called or written, someone you can laugh with and tease and yet you know, that no matter how honest you are, they will always understand that it's all in the name of love. ;) I'm kind of a pricky pear sometimes, quite friendly on the outside as long as the relationship stays light but I have some very definite emotional boundries and walls that are...significant and makes developing meaningful friendships difficult. At the age of 40, I only have a handful of people I consider friends...and none of them live where I do, one of them even lives all the way down in Texas ;)...and there's part of me that thinks that's why the friendships work, because there is so much space. I like space. :D

[Granny5]

I have to agree with Idril and Pensive. My best friends are friends I've had for 30 years or longer. We don't see each other much or even talk on the phone very much, but we all know that if we called each other and needed each other, we'd be there. They are really closer than some of our family members. These are people I love unconditionally...they are my true friends. My closest friends are my kids and my husband. I know lots of people that I think would call me 'friend' but we really just know each other. There's a big difference in loving a friend, which I do my true friends, and just knowing someone, ever well.

[Annamariah]

In Finnish we have two words for "friend" (okay, of course there are more than two words you can use, but I'm now talking about two that are used the most)

"Kaveri" is someone you see a lot, mostly at school or some other place like that. You talk with them, you're on friendly terms, you can have fun together, but they are not the ones you'll tell all your secrets to and discuss with about everything.

"Ystävä", on the other hand, is a very close friend, the one you can talk about everything. Those are the people you can always trust, they are the ones you call when something great/awful happens and you want to talk about it. They are the ones you enjoy spending your time with the most and with them you can be silent if you wish without feeling awkward.

I have several "kaveris", but only two or maybe three "ystäväs".

[Virgil]

Thats a tough one...why is everyone asking tough questions today. The word friend is very ambiguous. I think that friends demands an adjective to describe it usually to effectively describe it. The levels probably would be...

Acquaintance = one you know
Associate = one that is friendly and a coworker/fellow student
Friend = one that you've done some things with, and are on good terms
Good Friend = one that you see often, are on good terms with, share some friends with.
Close Friend = one that is an intimate friend. They know a lot about you and have done things with you frequently. They will know your life...friends, family, significant other (or the one that you desire).
Best Friend = a selfless friend, they will do things for you without expecting anything back, always there for you. A best friend would never do anything to hurt you or compromise your friendship. I think a best friend to me is usually a friend of the friend or good friend of family friends.


There may be more levels, but that is a quick description. Each level of friendship goes both ways, usually. Albeit the friendliness of persons varies, one may be more friendly than the other, and therefore have the other at a slightly different level.

My best friends from when I was little are still my best friends. I have a question for you. Is there a difference in the way men and women treat their friends of both the equal and the opposite sex?

I like B-M's qualifications to "friend." For some reason, the younger I was the more likely to include many into the my circle of friends, for instance friends at school were many. The older I get the more strict the definition has become, similar to how Idril defines it.

[Pensive]

"Ystävä", on the other hand, is a very close friend, the one you can talk about everything. Those are the people you can always trust, they are the ones you call when something great/awful happens and you want to talk about it. They are the ones you enjoy spending your time with the most and with them you can be silent if you wish without feeling awkward.

I think I probably don't have even a single friend with whom I can really talk about everything though my brother, mother and a cousin come really close to such a friendship but there somewhere I have one or two things disclosed from them too or I feel a bit strange telling them that....but mostly yeah everything......but then that doesn't really mean everything.

In fact I am quite open in this forum too, for example what I just mentioned here I probably wouldn't ever do in my entire non-virtual life. :p So this has got to be a friend too.

Oh and there are many people I care for quite a lot. Now are those people friends too where the care is only one-sided? Or when one is not sure whether the other person cares for him/her or not?


Is there a difference in the way men and women treat their friends of both the equal and the opposite sex?

It depends actually. Now for example if a friend of yours who is ten years younger than you, you might not feel comfortable talking to him about some certain things. So a woman might perhaps not feel umm very comfortable talking to a friend from an opposite gender about womanly stuff? Though I believe there are some exceptions too. For example, I can talk with my brother about almost everything, and every girlish thing. And there are times when you might find a ten-year younger friend mature enough to share that thing with him/her.

[blazeofglory]

Today, in school a girl mentioned me as her friend and on notiving my looks asked me whether if I considered her one. Now the thing is that I believe friendship is a big word and it has demands and with that class-mate my views quite differ. I hesitated for sometime but feeling a bit guilty on the thought I might be hurting her, I said, "Yeah, of course, we are friends." I get this feeling whatever I did was right (logically speaking it might not be but it made me feel okay) but now I wonder whom do you consider a friend? People you meet on nearly daily basis or talk with? People who have been good to you even for once and have never harmed you? People who have never been good to you and yet have never been bad to you and you just know them? (in this case there must be too many!)

What do you think are the demands of friendship? Or are there even any? Is there anything like good, better and best friends or is there just one thing that is friends? No sub-categories?

Do you have many friends or very few?

Now this topic might seem childish but I believe nearly every person in every age group gives importance to this word we call 'friendship' for what's a world without it. I would like to hear your thoughts about it too. Thanks for taking the time to read it all. :)

Dear Pensive, I am a friend of yours, a very close friend. Do you agree? You may think how a person whom you have never been in person could be a close friend.

I think friendship is not a thing of definition, and we can not subject it to be bound by time and space. It is a matter of hearts and only the heart knows what it is, and defining or confining it in a few words or sentences is something degrading or delimiting it.

Ordinarily all we do is we have a certain notion of friendship, and this notion has to do with what we hear from others or books.
I may sound rather confusing. Of course.

I feel, and not necessarily I want others to agree to this idea, that forendship is a close tie-up, a kind of harmony between or among people. Indeed it is a n adhesive that enable or make room for people to be together. This has nothing to agree or disagree, but in true friendship mutuality and friction, both side with each other, but they rise a little above and can go together unboundedly. This friendship is more manifest in children, and less in degree in adults, for when we attain adulthood our preoccupation shapes our patterns of behaviours.

Friends, I am sharing it and this is not an answer to or kind of arguments. I am just comming across you guys.

[livelaughlove]

Friendship is very important to me, too, but personally I consider every one I know "a friend". The friends that are closer to me are my best friends. I take friendship very seriously- I feel that trust and respect are key things to a healthy friendship. I am also lucky in that I attend a small private school; there are about 100 people per grade and most of the people in my grade, I have been going to school with since 6th grade (now we're in 12th) so we all know each other very well and we're all friends, it's quite nice actually.

[Dori]

Friendship is very important to me, too, but personally I consider every one I know "a friend". The friends that are closer to me are my best friends. I take friendship very seriously- I feel that trust and respect are key things to a healthy friendship. I am also lucky in that I attend a small private school; there are about 100 people per grade and most of the people in my grade, I have been going to school with since 6th grade (now we're in 12th) so we all know each other very well and we're all friends, it's quite nice actually.

I go to a small public school, which has only ~50 students per a grade. Actually, the graduating class has about 26 at the moment. Everyone knows everyone. But, sadly, there are distinct social classes (if I might be so bold as to call them that). For instance, there are still the preps, jocks, geeks, etc. However, there is a lot of overlapping in these classes. I would be considered a geek (with my 97 average), yet I play sports year-round.

As for friendship, I'm friends with my fellow geeks (there are about four of them; they are of the computer/video game sort, unfortunately) and my team mates in soccer and ice hockey (there are probably 15 on each team). My "geek" friends would be the ones I hang out with the most (get this, out of the five people in this group, there are two pairs of twins!). Then I have paintball/halo friends. Finally, I have forum friends.

Here's how I classify my friend's (greatest to least):

My twin brother -> the rest of my geek friends -> soccer friends -> paintball/halo friends -> hockey friends

This numbers around 50.

I don't believe that I've spent enough time here to call anyone a "friend'. You guys are merely acquaintaces :p .

[BlueSkyGB]

I'm like you Pensive, friend is a big word, on par with love. I have never used either of those words lightly. There are a lot of people in my life I've known for years and have spent time with and enjoy but I still wouldn't call them friends, more like aquaintences. A friend is a true confidant, someone you can be honest with, someone who isn't keeping track of how often you've called or written, someone you can laugh with and tease and yet you know, that no matter how honest you are, they will always understand that it's all in the name of love. ;) I'm kind of a pricky pear sometimes, quite friendly on the outside as long as the relationship stays light but I have some very definite emotional boundries and walls that are...significant and makes developing meaningful friendships difficult. At the age of 40, I only have a handful of people I consider friends...and none of them live where I do, one of them even lives all the way down in Texas ;)...and there's part of me that thinks that's why the friendships work, because there is so much space. I like space. :D

I have to agree with Idril...I have only a handful of true friends..that you can talk with about anything.....a couple of women I've known for awhile, one for over 10 years the other, just over a couple of years, both younger than me, but age and sex doesn't seem to matter when you really connect.
And my best friend, who happens to live in another state, about once every month we travel to see each other, if we cannot make it all the way,about a 4 hour drive, we both meet halfway and spend the day with each other.
He's the friend that my son-in-law commented on that we communicate with our silence as well as our words. We've known each other since college days.

[NikolaiI]

Friendship is very important to me, one of the most important things. My best friends are the ones I knew in high school, but then I had two high schools, and good friends from both of them. I also lost touch with a lot of the best people I've known and good friends. Both my first and second guitar teacher I lost contact with, as well as chess playing friends who moved or I lost contact with. Sometimes you can make a new friend who becomes dear to you very quickly, so new friends are good as old friends too. It's always great to be able to visit your hometown and know you'll be welcomed warmly.

[DeathAngel]

Trust, the importance of the person to you and vice versa, depending upon how much you care for them, are comfortable with them, know them,

Love and friendship are big words, one you have to work to earn and do things to earn, the other is heavily thought upon and considered and felt,

yay feelings!

[sreeja]

A friendship is the meeting of two or more mind with same thoughts,same tastes etc.True friends will never be separated.Caring is the ultimate meaning of friendship.

[Pensive]

A friendship is the meeting of two or more mind with same thoughts,same tastes etc.

How about 'opposite attracts'? :p


True friends will never be separated.

Interesting. Now I wonder is there a difference between 'friendship' and 'true friendship'? And also does friendship (or true friendship - whatever you call it) stays forever?


Caring is the ultimate meaning of friendship.

Yes, that's a very important bit but do you think that's friendship when we care for somebody and that person doesn't for us? Can friendship be one-sided?

[pussnboots]

Thats a tough one...why is everyone asking tough questions today. The word friend is very ambiguous. I think that friends demands an adjective to describe it usually to effectively describe it. The levels probably would be...

Acquaintance = one you know
Associate = one that is friendly and a coworker/fellow student
Friend = one that you've done some things with, and are on good terms
Good Friend = one that you see often, are on good terms with, share some friends with.
Close Friend = one that is an intimate friend. They know a lot about you and have done things with you frequently. They will know your life...friends, family, significant other (or the one that you desire).
Best Friend = a selfless friend, they will do things for you without expecting anything back, always there for you. A best friend would never do anything to hurt you or compromise your friendship. I think a best friend to me is usually a friend of the friend or good friend of family friends.


There may be more levels, but that is a quick description. Each level of friendship goes both ways, usually. Albeit the friendliness of persons varies, one may be more friendly than the other, and therefore have the other at a slightly different level.

My best friends from when I was little are still my best friends. I have a question for you. Is there a difference in the way men and women treat their friends of both the equal and the opposite sex?


I thought this was an intesting thread so I am going to revive it.
I like the way B-Mental broke it down.
Today I would say I have one best friend. I ended up meeting this girl at the gym and we hit it off very fast. We ended up having a lot in common.
In my earlier years I had quite a few good friends. These were my friends from pre-teen thru my teen years. When I was working I had quite a few friends that I would consider acquaintances.
Over the years people who I thought were my true friends turned out to be nothing more than acquaintances. I did have one person who I thought at the beginning was a best friend. We considered one another as a sister. But as time wore on, I started to see her true colors. Since I am the type of person that tries to see the good in people, I overlooked a lot of her faults. She didn't care that what she said may hurt you, she just said it. This so called friend of mine had the audacity to say to my face you could do better than the person you are with. My jaw just dropped and I didn't say a word. Over time I just couldn't take it anymore and I dropped her from my life. She could not understand why.
I think men tend to hold on to their friends longer than women. They don't have to deal with all the petty b------t that women do, at least I don't think so.
These days I like to keep it simple. One good best friend ( actually 2, I have to include my dog as one of my best friends) and a lot of friends.