To the Tree at My Window II

[symphony]

Quiet nights
with their silent secrets
aren’t singing to me as they often do.
And yet they have an orphic blue
that mottles the sprigs with a touch of teal…


I know each of their stories
--These leaves, young and old—
I know each breath they breathe,
know the greens and browns,
know the breeze that makes them shiver,
the lightning they fear…


I know each of their secrets
--These leaves that bring autumn to me
with gilded edges, celebrating death--
I know how they glisten
when purging drops of rain
wash away the dust and heat,
when outworn by what they’ve seen
of this world…


The transient dance of the leaf with a grey vena
still soothes me with each of its moves,
still smoothes me with fresh dews in its grooves,
still makes me wonder about the whys and hows,
makes me admire the nights.


This burnt umber,
This charred body,
I know it by heart--
The bends, the scratches, the rings…

I won’t remember you.

I will know you.

I will know.


To the Tree at my Window I (http://my.opera.com/symphonied/blog/2007/05/20/to-the-tree-at-my-window)
After that first poem to my window-tree, there's been the longest possible delay in shifting our house. But now...
We're moving this Friday. And I feel like I had so much more to feel,so much more to say, to this tree....

[symphony]

Hmmmm....

That bad?

[amanda_isabel]

i love the finale.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Hmmmm....

That bad?

NO! No! Not that bad! Not even close to being bad! Amazing, actually! Astonishing! The juice, the essence, the nectar of pure poetry! As if you had taken one or two perfectly good poems and wrung them out, discarded everything that wasn't 24 karat gold and presented us with nothing but wonder! This as as fine as just about any more conventional love poem I can think of!

That's how bad it is not!

[symphony]

Thanks Amanda and Prince.

Prince... uhm ...really?
I...dont know...I'm not sure about this poem somehow. Not that I care much about the qualitative value though, didnt look back on this one. I was too engrossed looking at the tree...

[PrinceMyshkin]

Thanks Amanda and Prince.

Prince... uhm ...really?
I...dont know...I'm not sure about this poem somehow. Not that I care much about the qualitative value though, didnt look back on this one. I was too engrossed looking at the tree...

Yeh, REALLY! And the fact that you were more engrossed in looking at the tree testifies to the greatness of your love for it, a love that is the equal to or greater than your evident love of writing well!

[ampoule]

Oh Symphony, this is so tender and beautiful and real. I am a woman who loves trees and I think what a lucky tree that is, to have you as it's biographer. The relationship you describe so wonderfully is one I understand very well. You were right....don't look back. I was engrossed also.

[symphony]

Thanks. And thanks.

[SleepyWitch]

i like it, symphony. my fave stanzas are 2 and 3. the ending is very intense

[Granny5]

symphony, this is amazing! It's just beautiful. Brings a tear that you are leaving your tree, but this is such a wonderful tribute.

[Virgil]

I have to say it's a mixed reaction on my part, Symph. There are some nice lines: "And yet they have an orphic blue/that mottles the sprigs with a touch of teal…" And i particularly like this stanza:

The transient dance of the leaf with a grey vena
still soothes me with each of its moves,
still smoothes me with fresh dews in its grooves,
still makes me wonder about the whys and hows,
makes me admire the nights.
But then a few what I might consider rough spots: "when outworn by what they’ve seen/of this world…". That seems maudlin to me. Do leaves really feel the pain of the world? Perhaps "outworn" is ok, but for some reason it has a off note to me. Motors and engines and clothing get outworn, do leaves? Perhaps that's just me.

Perhaps what I'm really reacting to negatively is the emotional attachment to this tree. Why? Emotion in writing is best earned not stated. Where are the years of attachment to it? Some scene or two where it has brought you relief or pleasure. You don't show us that. The best you do is this:

I know each of their stories
--These leaves, young and old—
I know each breath they breathe,
know the greens and browns,
know the breeze that makes them shiver,
the lightning they fear…
And that too is maudlin. Did you really watch them breath? And i didn't know leaves shiver from fear of lightning. You're endowing them with human qualities to suggest your emotional attachment in lieu of why you have this love for the tree. I hope that makes sense.

[Granny5]

Virgil, I thought everyone developed emotional attachments to trees. About 20 years ago a seed from a maple across the street from where I lived blew into a flower pot I had on my front porch. It took root and grew so I put it in a bigger pot. After two years, it broke the bigger pot so I planted it in my front yard. We moved 10 1/2 years ago but I still drive by and check on my tree. I was there Halloween night and told the new owners about the tree and started crying...it is so beautiful. It's like looking at a child I helped raise.

[Pendragon]

Bad! Mais Non, petite une! That tree has been an old friend, and I understand the feeling of loss. It is a beautiful memory to a friend, and your poem evolks memories of my own. As a kid in he 60's and early 70's we had lilacs in the yard and a rose of sharon bush. We had to move and the old house went in the great flood of '77, which took out the lilacs and rose of sharon as well. I now have lilac and rose of sharon that bloom each year in from of my home, to remind me of a little white house that will always be home.

I encourage you to write more to your tree. Lovely poetry. And full of meaning. At your new home, I hope you find a new trustworthy friend, but keep this one alive in memory.

Pen

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/TreeFrog.gif

[Virgil]

Virgil, I thought everyone developed emotional attachments to trees. About 20 years ago a seed from a maple across the street from where I lived blew into a flower pot I had on my front porch. It took root and grew so I put it in a bigger pot. After two years, it broke the bigger pot so I planted it in my front yard. We moved 10 1/2 years ago but I still drive by and check on my tree. I was there Halloween night and told the new owners about the tree and started crying...it is so beautiful. It's like looking at a child I helped raise.

Yes, but do you watch it breath and know its fear of lightning? Hey I garden and love my plants too. I'm not saying the emotional attachment to a plant or tree is not possible. I'm sure it's real. I have it too. The poem approaches bathos.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I have to say it's a mixed reaction on my part, Symph. There are some nice lines: "And yet they have an orphic blue/that mottles the sprigs with a touch of teal…" And i particularly like this stanza:

But then a few what I might consider rough spots: "when outworn by what they’ve seen/of this world…". That seems maudlin to me. Do leaves really feel the pain of the world? Perhaps "outworn" is ok, but for some reason it has a off note to me. Motors and engines and clothing get outworn, do leaves? Perhaps that's just me.

Perhaps what I'm really reacting to negatively is the emotional attachment to this tree. Why? Emotion in writing is best earned not stated. Where are the years of attachment to it? Some scene or two where it has brought you relief or pleasure. You don't show us that. The best you do is this:

And that too is maudlin. Did you really watch them breath? And i didn't know leaves shiver from fear of lightning. You're endowing them with human qualities to suggest your emotional attachment in lieu of why you have this love for the tree. I hope that makes sense.

Although all of the preceding might be read as a confession of your personal prejudices, if it were attended to as authoritative it would amount to a virtual ban on the emotional outreach, the imaginative projection that is of the essence of poetry. To take just one of your points, the vivid recreation of objective aspects of the tree is in and of itself evidence of long attachment, an implied history.

[SleepyWitch]

Why? Emotion in writing is best earned not stated. Where are the years of attachment to it? Some scene or two where it has brought you relief or pleasure. You don't show us that.
you've made a good point there, Virgil.
but as for the rest of what you said, if we were allowed to write only about things that are objectively verifiable or perceptions that are shared by lots of people, we wouldn't be able to write any poetry. how do you know symphony's tree doesn't shiver or fear the lightning? (of course it doesn't, really, but who cares?) I mean would you call this a poem:
NaCl - Sodium Chloride
H20
there are 9 planets in our solar system,
or 8 if you don't count Pluto,
and objectively speaking I feel hormonal confusion and an irrational attachment
to an old guy with a beaky nose whose eyes
reflect the light in a peculiar way, which proves the innate preference
of the human infant for objects with round eyes and a mouth-like orifice?

[Pendragon]

OK Virgil Take a look at this picture and tell me you couldn't write a poem about this tree: http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Tree.jpg Then tell me why Sy's poem to her favorite tree lacks creedence as a poem. Anything, living or dead, animate or inanimate (we have a contest on a picture, recall) can evolk emotion and poetry is encapusalated emotion. I'm surprised at you, myself. You are bound to have a favorite something that you could wax poetic about, that isn't living, a book, a memo from some ancestor or something.

[TheFifthElement]

I think what Virgil was saying was not that an emotional attachment couldn't be formed to a tree, but that he can't feel it from the poem, or perhaps that he can't feel why, because there is no history.

I will read and post my own views later symph, if that's okay. My poetic voice is a bit muffled at the moment, both reading and writing.

[motherhubbard]

I think it is a wonderful poem that I can relate to easily. It's dreamy and quiet like the night and the sounds are so soft when spoken out loud. And when she says she knows the tree I assume that she has touched its bark and heard it whisper in the breeze. A tree is a comfort in it's greatness and vulnerability. I think that the discussion is fantastic as well.

[jon1jt]

Quiet nights
with their silent secrets
aren’t singing to me as they often do.
And yet they have an orphic blue
that mottles the sprigs with a touch of teal…


I know each of their stories
--These leaves, young and old—
I know each breath they breathe,
know the greens and browns,
know the breeze that makes them shiver,
the lightning they fear…


I know each of their secrets
--These leaves that bring autumn to me
with gilded edges, celebrating death--
I know how they glisten
when purging drops of rain
wash away the dust and heat,
when outworn by what they’ve seen
of this world…


The transient dance of the leaf with a grey vena
still soothes me with each of its moves,
still smoothes me with fresh dews in its grooves,
still makes me wonder about the whys and hows,
makes me admire the nights.


This burnt umber,
This charred body,
I know it by heart--
The bends, the scratches, the rings…

I won’t remember you.

I will know you.

I will know.


To the Tree at my Window I (http://my.opera.com/symphonied/blog/2007/05/20/to-the-tree-at-my-window)
After that first poem to my window-tree, there's been the longest possible delay in shifting our house. But now...
We're moving this Friday. And I feel like I had so much more to feel,so much more to say, to this tree....

i like lines 3 and 4. the rest drones on, predictably so. too sentimental and anticlimatic. nice read though, all in all.

[Virgil]

I did not say you could not have an emotional attachment to a tree. I said it has to be earned. Prince says it was an implied history. The implied history comes from these two stanzas:

I know each of their stories
--These leaves, young and old—
I know each breath they breathe,
know the greens and browns,
know the breeze that makes them shiver,
the lightning they fear…


I know each of their secrets
--These leaves that bring autumn to me
with gilded edges, celebrating death--
I know how they glisten
when purging drops of rain
wash away the dust and heat,
when outworn by what they’ve seen
of this world…
I'm afraid this is bathos-mawkish sentimentalizing. This is the implied history? Knowing the stoies of each leaf? How many stories of leaves do you know? You know that leaves shiver? This is personification to derive pathos.

I'm sorry Symphony, but this (those two stanzas) is not good poetry. You're an experienced poet now, I know you can take criticism. If you're looking to improve, remember you get so much more out of one harsh criticism than a thousand pats on the back.

[Granny5]

Look, I appreciate any criticism, especially from someone with Virgil's knowledge or Prince's knowledge. But I worry about young feelings. I enjoy the poem, but I don't have the knowledge that some of the people here do. It's important to hear the negative in order to learn and improve.

[firefangled]

Symphony, I remember the first poem and this is no less beautiful and heartfelt. Seeing the picture, I can say I too would fall in love with this tree.

There are living things in this world that rival any others with their beauty and presence. There are people, plants and animals that somehow insist without sound, I am holy.

I thought you captured this love. The last lines were such a strong ending and I understand very well what you must feel through your poem.

I believe you will write about this tree your entire life and each poem will enrich your knowing.

Thank you for sharing this.

[jon1jt]

I did not say you could not have an emotional attachment to a tree. I said it has to be earned. Prince says it was an implied history. The implied history comes from these two stanzas:

I'm afraid this is bathos-mawkish sentimentalizing. This is the implied history? Knowing the stoies of each leaf? How many stories of leaves do you know? You know that leaves shiver? This is personification to derive pathos.

I'm sorry Symphony, but this (those two stanzas) is not good poetry. You're an experienced poet now, I know you can take criticism. If you're looking to improve, remember you get so much more out of one harsh criticism than a thousand pats on the back.

i'm with virge, except i don't know what bathos-mawkish means. :) i'm with granny too.

[motherhubbard]

except granny, she's got it under control.



:lol: :lol: :lol:

[Granny5]

Personally, I would take any/all advise Virgil, and about 15 others here I know of off the top of my head, gave me. They have the knowledge and the know how to help us all improve our writing. That includes Prince. Just because I like the poem doesn't mean it doesn't need work. I do not have the knowledge some of the others have. I'm here to enjoy reading other's work but mainly to learn. I appreciate any help I get here. Now, let's all be kind to each other.

[SleepyWitch]

I'm sorry Symphony, but this (those two stanzas) is not good poetry. You're an experienced poet now, I know you can take criticism. If you're looking to improve, remember you get so much more out of one harsh criticism than a thousand pats on the back.

I totally agree with this. hehe, as some of you may know I've been a 'victim' of Virgil's harsh criticism lots of times myself and I do prefer it to a pat on the back.
but still, I wouldn't call those stanzas "bathos-mawkish sentimentalizing", even though they might need some work. I mean, I've seen a lot of "bathos-mawkish sentimentalizing" poems both on LitNet (including by myself) and by famous poets, but there everyone goes "aaaaah, ooooohh nice work" because they don't want to tell people "Your Uncle Edward died? so what? who cares about his stinky perfume, this poem is crap, brush it up!" or "so you miss your girl-friend?well, haven't we all been there, shut up unless you can write a better poem about it".
:blush: sorry to be so rude. to be fair, Mr Virgil, you wouldn't pat/haven't patted the writers of this kind of poem (cf. above) on the back, either, but if you took your job as a bathos-buster seriously, you'd have to go and trash all those poems now :D :) no offence:thumbs_up

[Granny5]

IMHO, I think everyone here knows that I will never be a great poet. I do not have that talent. I just play and express myself here because it's a safe and friendly place for that. But, If I had the talent and if I did want to be a great poet, I would post here because I know there are people here that can and would help me. Constructive criticism is a sign of someone knowing that the potential is there. Expectations are just higher for the more talented. I believe all criticism is given with the best intentions and we should all appreciate it and those who take the time to read and study our work in order to help us improve.

[Granny5]

"People, I just want to say, you know, can we all get along?" Rodney King

[PrinceMyshkin]

To say the leaves shiver and have fear of lightning, that is to create a conciet where the leaves are compared to defenseless children. Of course everyone in the world has their heartstrings pulled when it comes to defenseless children. The sole purpose of such a comparison is to derive pity. Now if you like bathos in poetry, ok. I frankly don't. You're not going to find great poems that do that. It's cheap, it's easy, and frankly it's trite.


When April with his showers sweet with fruit
The drought of March has pierced unto the root...



APRIL is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.

It seems to me that you are calling into question one of the primary implements of imaginative literature. In the above quotations, chosen at random, no one surely is required to believe that April has “pierced” any roots or has human-like qualities such as cruelty or benignity. It is our perception of them or of their effects on us that is at play here.

But literary practice aside, we none of us know with absolute certainty of the possible inner life of leaves, animals, months of the year or remote deities.

[Sweets America]

Second, "bathos-mawkish sentimentality" was not meant to be one hyphenated word. It was "bathos", and then a dash, not a hyphen, and a qualifying phrase "mawkish sentimentality." Let me take back the mawkish part. Mawkish tends to imply a sickening connotation, and that is not in those stanzas. But I still say that it is bathos, a sentimentalizing through a trite pity. To say the leaves shiver and have fear of lightning, that is to create a conciet where the leaves are compared to defenseless children. Of course everyone in the world has their heartstrings pulled when it comes to defenseless children. The sole purpose of such a comparison is to derive pity. Now if you like bathos in poetry, ok. I frankly don't. You're not going to find great poems that do that. It's cheap, it's easy, and frankly it's trite.

I am not sure I understand what you mean about the leaves compared to children. In a way, I understand, but maybe this could only be your own interpretation of the poem? And, huh, about 'Of course everyone in the world has their heartstrings pulled when it comes to defenseless children.', that is not true for everybody. Not for me anyway. Now everyone is going to think I am cruel.:p
It seems to me that you do recognize that some people do not share your point of view and like things you don't (which I appreciate), but...even when you do recognize that, you write it with condescension. I didn't really see condescension in your previous message, but here I see it. And, once again, you write You're not going to find great poems that do that , and once again I say 'Good poetry is not necessarily what Mr Virgil likes'.

Now I couldn't agree more with what Jer says:

But literary practice aside, we none of us know with absolute certainty of the possible inner life of leaves, animals, months of the year or remote deities.
This is why I said earlier that I don't see why we would question the fact that leaves shiver. Nobody knows what leaves might feel.

[Virgil]

When April with his showers sweet with fruit
The drought of March has pierced unto the root...



APRIL is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.

It seems to me that you are calling into question one of the primary implements of imaginative literature. In the above quotations, chosen at random, no one surely is required to believe that April has “pierced” any roots or has human-like qualities such as cruelty or benignity. It is our perception of them or of their effects on us that is at play here.

But literary practice aside, we none of us know with absolute certainty of the possible inner life of leaves, animals, months of the year or remote deities.

That is not the same thing as what Symph does in her poem. There is no bathos there in either Chaucer or Eliot, and there is no attempt to derive cheap emotion there. Neither Chaucer nor Eliot is asking us to pity April or the flowers. When Chaucer says "When April with his showers sweet with fruit," the subtle personifcation ("his") is to identify the showers. There is no emotional connection here. April is not some poor disfigured child for us to pity. Eliot is setting up a paradoxical metaphor: the flowers are paradoxically growing from a infertile land and so represent the corrupt civilzation we live in. No I am not calling into question imaginative literature. I'm identifying trite lines.

I guess you guys like the poem and I don't. Let Symphony take and digest all the comments and let her decide.

[Virgil]

I am not sure I understand what you mean about the leaves compared to children. In a way, I understand, but maybe this could only be your own interpretation of the poem? And, huh, about 'Of course everyone in the world has their heartstrings pulled when it comes to defenseless children.', that is not true for everybody. Not for me anyway. Now everyone is going to think I am cruel.:p

:lol: When i wrote that I did imagine someone identifying a serial killer who has no emotional reaction to the defensless. I think the overwhelming majority of us will have pity something suffering. I guess i picked child but I could have said any suffering being. I am not aware that trees suffer in the human sense. Symphony is trying to pull our heartstrings for this tree by comparing it to a suffering being. The anaolgy is somewhat ludicrous, at least in a western culture sense. Perhaps Symph has some other cultural identification that might make this anaology normal, I don't know. Even in my limited understanding of Hinduism would not make this normal, but who knows.


It seems to me that you do recognize that some people do not share your point of view and like things you don't (which I appreciate), but...even when you do recognize that, you write it with condescension. I didn't really see condescension in your previous message, but here I see it. And, once again, you write You're not going to find great poems that do that , and once again I say 'Good poetry is not necessarily what Mr Virgil likes'.
Sorry, but it's an opinion. We all have opinions. Would it have made any difference if I had prefaced it with "in my humble opinion" as I've seen some do? That's redundant, of course it's an opinion, what else is it, a statement from God? Sorry, this is me. If people don't like me, who cares.

[Sweets America]

I'm not sure Symphony's aim through this poem was really to arouse pity in the reader. I think she might just have felt in her a deep sadness because she will have to leave this tree behind when she leaves, and she just wanted to write a poem dedicated to it/him, just as a way to tell it/him goodbye.

[Pendragon]

Oh, and BTW, that wasn't Sy's tree I posted, just a random tree. I live in the mountains and hike along the AT (Appalachian Trail) a lot, and you find a lot of interesting trees. I named one The Ancient One, as it was so old it reminded me of an Ent, and when it finally went in a storm, I felt I had lost a friend.

Virgil is both right and wrong. You have to learn to accept harsh criticism or you will wash out as a poet. One editor once covered an entire page with scrawls in which he called into question my intelligence, my education, and even my family. Virgil had the perfect right to say the poem didn't meet what he felt were necessary standards and was poorly written.

Where you went overboard Virgil, was failing to see that to some, things you find completely boring are interesting. That is the nature of poetry. I cannot disagree with your assessment of the poem, which is your honest Point of View. Others have given their assessment, which differs from yours, also honest POV's.

This mud slinging is unworthy of all of us, and you note that us includes me. I said some harsh things perhaps I shouldn't have.

The real question is this people: Who suffered most from all of this: Symphony. And she did nothing but write a poem. We all owe her an apology.

I am sorry for the whole mess, Symphony. Don't give up on writing. Keep going, you will find us supporting you in the end.

Pen.

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Four/Boguet.gif

[Virgil]

Oh, and BTW, that wasn't Sy's tree I posted, just a random tree. I live in the mountains and hike along the AT (Appalachian Trail) a lot, and you find a lot of interesting trees. I named one The Ancient One, as it was so old it reminded me of an Ent, and when it finally went in a storm, I felt I had lost a friend.

Virgil is both right and wrong. You have to learn to accept harsh criticism or you will wash out as a poet. One editor once covered an entire page with scrawls in which he called into question my intelligence, my education, and even my family. Virgil had the perfect right to say the poem didn't meet what he felt were necessary standards and was poorly written.

Where you went overboard Virgil, was failing to see that to some, things you find completely boring are interesting. That is the nature of poetry. I cannot disagree with your assessment of the poem, which is your honest Point of View. Others have given their assessment, which differs from yours, also honest POV's.

This mud slinging is unworthy of all of us, and you note that us includes me. I said some harsh things perhaps I shouldn't have.

The real question is this people: Who suffered most from all of this: Symphony. And she did nothing but write a poem. We all owe her an apology.

I am sorry for the whole mess, Symphony. Don't give up on writing. Keep going, you will find us supporting you in the end.

Pen.

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Four/Boguet.gif

Thanks Pen. I just offered my opinion. Please all go back to my original post, post #11, on the first page and see if I was harsh in any way. I don't think so.

[Janine]

I read all your comments, or at least most of them. I can only say that I think a new poet needs encouraging and not tearing appart; and most of all I don't think I like all this silly bickering back and forth on this thread. I must be a freak or a sentimental fool, since I really liked the poem by Symphony and I get it completely. Good job - it conveys feelings, I too, have had in the past. I feel similiar about a special tree in my neighbor's backyard. Also, about a twin oak tree that has lived in my front yard, since I was a kid, and climbed between the trunks. I felt the poem make much use of personification and was representative of one's imaginary powers when feeling close to living things, all living things.

Anyone, see the film "The Fountain"? A 'tree of life' plays prominently in this film and the tree takes on a life of it's own and is very special and seems as alive, as a human to me, while viewing the film. It becomes a character in the film.

Also, the famous poem by Joyce Kilmer(sp?) about the tree comes to my mind. It is a lovely poem, but some might consider it too sentimental and corny. Perhaps some of us are sentimental. I say - to each his own! We don't all like the same poetry or the same authors, do we?

So to everyone, I say finally, on a nice site like this one, why does'nt everyone try to be nicer and kinder to each other; don't take things so very very seriously. We are here to learn and to have fun while learning.

[Logos]

A number of posts have been removed because they either contained or quoted negative/inflammatory personal comments.

Please do not make negative/inflammatory personal comments about other members when you post.

Discuss the poem, not the poster.

[Logos]

I'm letting this stay open out of respect to symphony and they wanting feedback on their poem--however if you want it closed symphony? just let me know.

I trust that people can get back on track/topic here :)

[ktd222]

To Symphony,


I know these images you speak of are personal; but I think you can understand how inaccessible the images could be to anyone reading. You seemed to outline the tree, pointing to specifics on the tree, identifying the clarity with which your knowledge of it exists…but this still leaves me on the outside.

There was a poem written by Pendragon for the autumn poetry contest awhile ago; in it he does a very similar thing you’re doing here; the difference was the reader was revealed certain facts, as it pertains to the speaker. I remembered liking it very much because of that; because the poem allowed me access to identify with the speaker his feelings toward the subjects.

But I think what you have going for you is the closeness with which the tree affects you. And in a way I think that closeness makes the poem sincere.

[Poppy]

[B]Quiet nights
with their silent secrets
aren’t singing to me as they often do.....

After reading it several times, after reading the posts, then reading your poem again I think its pertinent and clear in its meaning and intent.
I am not a poet, but I like to read poetry. You don't have to satisfy other poets only non poets who don't care about style, meter, or the other rules poets seem to be concerned with. Be a renegade if you want. I'll buy your book.
Poppy

[ktd222]

After reading it several times, after reading the posts, then reading your poem again I think its pertinent and clear in its meaning and intent.
I am not a poet, but I like to read poetry. You don't have to satisfy other poets only non poets who don't care about style, meter, or the other rules poets seem to be concerned with. Be a renegade if you want. I'll buy your book.
Poppy

Hey! sometimes I don't care about style, metter, etc., either. Why can't you just say you liked it because of so and so, and that's it

[Poppy]

Hey! sometimes I don't care about style, metter, etc., either. Why can't you just say you liked it because of so and so, and that's it

Hear, Hear!! and an Amen!

[Janine]

Symphony, I read your first poem and then this new one, Part II, again and I think they are both lovely. I wish I had written such expressive poems when I was only 17.
I can fully relate to the tree, and all the aspects of it and found the shining of the moon on it's surface one I particularly observe on my tree often; I feel some of the same things you pointed out in the two poems. Keep up the good work! Like the tree, you have much time and room to grow with your writing skills.
Don't know what all the fuss on here has been. These poems are simplistic and yet very lovely and honest, which I appreciate.

[Poppy]

Poetry, sans words

http://pic20.picturetrail.com/VOL1601/1926551/3720863/288766314.jpg

The Little Red River within the last 2 weeks.

[Riesa]

Quiet nights
with their silent secrets
aren’t singing to me as they often do.
And yet they have an orphic blue
that mottles the sprigs with a touch of teal…

How lovely. as I read this, I feel a soft hand, like a mother might turn her daughter's cheek as she brushes her hair in the morning before school. (a morning with plenty of time! of course)

an orphic blue! Beautiful!

that mottles the sprigs...oh, I paint a little tiny bit, and these colors spring to my mind, even if not exactly YOUR version, that your tree shows you, I see them in my mind, my own creation of color, from your words, symphony. and the quietness of the tree..as if the tree might sense your leaving, and it's one time happy chattering at you has been reduced to a sad rustle as you get ready to leave it behind, a true nymph you are. (My daughter's name is Daphne, I have always loved the image of a young girl enchanted by a tree, or enchanted into a tree, as the myth goes. ) I'm intrigued, and already heartbroken from this first stanza.


I know each of their stories
--These leaves, young and old—
I know each breath they breathe,
know the greens and browns,
know the breeze that makes them shiver,
the lightning they fear…

see, as if you are the tree, and the tree is you. How many moods of yours has the tree witnessed? the tears? the uncertainty? the changes? the spark of life?

I think there's so much to love in this poem Symphony.
To quote the Shins:


But your memory is here and I'd like it to stay
Warm light on a winter day.

Good luck in your move.. :)



Poppy, what a beautiful picture...

[ahsiam]

urm...............what should i say...........splendid..............thats not the word.......urm..........i am really very proud that you are one of my close friend...........
it was ............

[symphony]

My thanks to everyone of u for ur time and energy on my poem, if i can call it that. My apologies for approaching it so late, excuse my current inconveniences.


I always appreciate criticisms, because most of the times they're constructive. I'm not much of a poet but I sure want to improve. So, thanks to Uncle Virge for his honest opinions. I always value ur comments, u know that. :) I'll keep all these in mind. Thank u.


And no I dont want this thread locked, since I considered every comment, compliment and critic helpful. I respect all ur concerns. Thanks to Logos for hers anyway. :)
And oh, none of u need to apologise. I'm cool. :lol: Virge was right to think i've been here long enough to take criticisms.


This "poem" wasnt one where I was trying to write a poem, actually. I know it may have sounded too emotional, banal, hallmarky. I also know how these poems sound when u read them. I myself am not totally kind with the people who write them, not always. What I dont know is why I dont want to edit this or make it more readable.... I kind of think that tree, my tree, deserves more than poetic excellence. It deserves honesty. I respect and value everything everyone said though. I also look forward to ur criticisms if there's more from me to come. Honestly.
:nod:

[Pendragon]

Then honestly, Sy, poet to poet, when a poem feels finished, it is. Trying to rewrite on a poem that you feel is already finished will only spoil the mood you have created with your words thus far. Hang in there, m'lady! You are made of stern stuff!

Pen

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Four/Goth.gif

[Virgil]

Symphony, I read in the newspapers about the cyclone that hit Bangladesh. I heard the death toll was in the thousands. I hope you and your family are alright. I really hope your country is not too badly affected.

[ahsiam]

Symphony, I read in the newspapers about the cyclone that hit Bangladesh. I heard the death toll was in the thousands. I hope you and your family are alright. I really hope your country is not too badly affected.

I am from Bangladesh too. thank you very much for your concern. But our country is very badly affected. Almost 3000 people died and about the loss... its a disaster.We city dwellers were kind of fine,but the village people and people in the coastal regions, they lost everything.

[Janine]

Poetry, sans words

http://pic20.picturetrail.com/VOL1601/1926551/3720863/288766314.jpg

The Little Red River within the last 2 weeks.

Poppy, I love your picture you posted. It reminds me of the film "A River Runs Through It" - ever see it? I love that film. Your signature quote also reminds me of the film and it's message.

I am so sorry for the people in Bangladesh; I had not heard about this. Thank you, Virgil, for pointing it out to us.
I hope for some worldwide relief for the thousands. It is just so awful to think about. Nature can be so calm and intimate and lovely like in this poem of Symphony's; and then it can be so cruel and destructive - both sides of the coin and the natural world, I suppose. It is sad when people lose lives and their homes in such a disaster. They have my prayers and deepest sympathies and thoughts.

[ampoule]

I am from Bangladesh too. thank you very much for your concern. But our country is very badly affected. Almost 3000 people died and about the loss... its a disaster.We city dwellers were kind of fine,but the village people and people in the coastal regions, they lost everything.

I am so sorry to hear about the terrible loss in your country. My thoughts are with you and all of those affected by this tragedy. Has anyone heard from Symphony? :(

[Poppy]

Poppy, I love your picture you posted. It reminds me of the film "A River Runs Through It" - ever see it? I love that film. Your signature quote also reminds me of the film and it's message.

.


Yes Janine I have seen A River Runs Though It. A great film about family and less about fly fishing. Thanks for mentioning it.
Poppy

[Virgil]

I am so sorry to hear about the terrible loss in your country. My thoughts are with you and all of those affected by this tragedy. Has anyone heard from Symphony? :(

Yes, Symphony's post #48 above was posted after the cyclone hit.

[ampoule]

Thank you Virgil. Still wondering how she and her friends and family are doing though.

[symphony]

Ah I'm here, no worries. Like ahsiam said, the cyclone didnt affect the city as in the coastal areas. The death toll is now around 10,000. I earnestly request you all to pray, in your own ways, for the people suffering. The dead are gone, its the living that i'm worried about.

And my apologies again for such slow responses. We're still fixing up our new home and havent set the pc in here yet. So its only when I get the time to sit in a cafe that i'm here. :(

To all who're worried for me: My friends and family are doing fine along with me. :)

[NikolaiI]

This. :-)

I only read the first page of comments but, I completely agree with Prince on this one. You captured the essence of a ton of beautiful feelings here - well-written, great to see and I think it should stand the test of time.