you win

[Granny5]

I fought
Nails broken and torn
Muscles tired and weak
Blind and numb
I fought

Tire
No fight left
Each blow became
A bruise that won’t heal
I fought, but I lost

Beaten
Weighted down
With each blow
No more to give
Beaten

Lost
And I am lost
My spirit broken
My heart in shards
I’ve lost

[symphony]

wont that be "tireD" in 1st line 2nd stanza?
This one's simple, and nice in its own way, Gran. Some of the repetitions didnt quite work out for me. But nice anyway.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I fought
Nails broken and torn
Muscles tired and weak
Blind and numb
I fought

Tire
No fight left
Each blow became
A bruise that won’t heal
I fought, but I lost

Beaten
Weighted down
With each blow
No more to give
Beaten

Lost
And I am lost
My spirit broken
My heart in shards
I’ve lost

There's a problem for me in this poem in that I can neither see nor intuit what sort of fight was engaged in. As it stands one must assume that the persona is giving up on life in general and is committing spiritual suicide but before I can give her the empathy such a situation deserves, I still need to know something of the nature of her antagonists or what she perceives to have been their determination to beat her down.

[motherhubbard]

well, I'm thinking on this and I don't want you to think I've missed it. I like the smallness of this as it matches the voice. It sounds spoken from a ball and it looks and feels that way so it's a good match, but it's something about the rep. It's not uniform and I think it should be or shouldn't be but the mix is distracting to me.

[ampoule]

Yes, but in some ways I think that is good because the reader can put his/her own fight into the poem and end, thinking, I wonder what fight the poet surrendered to? I wonder if it was anything like mine?

When I first read it, I thought it was Granny giving in to the smoking. Glad to see that's not the case. :)

[Pendragon]

Simple, nice poetry. May I say this though? I pity the poor fool what beats up on Granny Sandy! You talkin' about settin' off a 300+ mad guy to whoop yo' sorry butt! Hee-Hee! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Four/Tarzan.gif

[dibyendra]

Simple yet Nice Granny !

[jon1jt]

this is a nice one, granny. i especially like how you left tire in it's present tense given the first lines of each stanza are in the past. i don't know if that was intentional or not, but it works for me.

[Granny5]

thanks everyone...I was feeling a little beaten down. it needs work but now that I feel better, I don't care to work on it!! :)

[Sweets America]

This poem speaks very much to me right now. Contrary to what Jer said, I don't need to know which fight the speaker is talking about, I don't need that to identify with it. To everyone their own fights and struggles. The 'you' of the title might not even be a person, it could as well be life itself.
Thank you for this, Granny.

[PrinceMyshkin]

This poem speaks very much to me right now. Contrary to what Jer said, I don't need to know which fight the speaker is talking about, I don't need that to identify with it. To everyone their own fights and struggles. The 'you' of the title might not even be a person, it could as well be life itself.
Thank you for this, Granny.

I note that I am thoroughly outvoted on this one, and with reference to a recent rather vehement exchange that took place elsewhere, I conclude that all one can usually say is that this poem does/does not work for me and offer why without claiming to be authoritative.

[Sweets America]

I note that I am thoroughly outvoted on this one, and with reference to a recent rather vehement exchange that took place elsewhere, I conclude that all one can usually say is that this poem does/does not work for me and offer why without claiming to be authoritative.

You know, I don't think anyone is right or wrong, it is just that poems speak differently to everyone. Some need a more complete basis to identify to a poem and some can identify easily, it depends. It depends on each poem and on each person. Your view on this poem is as valid as anyone else's view. :)

[PrinceMyshkin]

You know, I don't think anyone is right or wrong, it is just that poems speak differently to everyone. Some need a more complete basis to identify to a poem and some can identify easily, it depends. It depends on each poem and on each person. Your view on this poem is as valid as anyone else's view. :)


A couple were having some marital problems. They heard of a rabbi in Moscow who was supposed to be very wise. They hitched up a cart, a couple of horses and made their way to Moscow where they were lucky enough to get an audience with this rabbi and several of his disciples. When it was their turn the rabbi asked the woman what her problem was. She listed all her complaints against her husband, and said she was fed up with him.

“You're right, daughter," the rabbi said, "And you," he said to the husband. "What's your problem?" The husband then listed all his complaints against his wife, and said he had had enough.

“You're right," the rabbi said.

“What a minute," said one of the disciples. "You just told her she’s right, and now you're telling him he’s right."

“You're right, too!” the Rabbi said.

[ampoule]

Aw Jerry, that's a knee slapper and a mind grabber. ;)

[Sweets America]

A couple were having some marital problems. They heard of a rabbi in Moscow who was supposed to be very wise. They hitched up a cart, a couple of horses and made their way to Moscow where they were lucky enough to get an audience with this rabbi and several of his disciples. When it was their turn the rabbi asked the woman what her problem was. She listed all her complaints against her husband, and said she was fed up with him.

“You're right, daughter," the rabbi said, "And you," he said to the husband. "What's your problem?" The husband then listed all his complaints against his wife, and said he had had enough.

“You're right," the rabbi said.

“What a minute," said one of the disciples. "You just told her she’s right, and now you're telling him he’s right."

“You're right, too!” the Rabbi said.


Wow, I must have been a Rabbi in a past life! :D