sun room blue

[jon1jt]

from a big piece i'm working on. hope you like. more on way.


see blog

[Virgil]

Well, Jon you've certainly whet my appetite for more. what's there is interesting. Is that the beginning or somewhere in the middle? It dosn't sound like a beginning.

[blp]

Great title. I'm not sure you're getting away with the 'baby blues' thing or the world crumbling at your feet. Also, the last line doesn't seem to fit.

[firefangled]

from a big piece i'm working on. hope you like. more on way.


We spun, stomped and hooted,
the music infectious. The old world
crumbling at our feet as if the sun room's
screen could protect us, or for me
those baby blues, the vines, red wine
letting her heels fly, gleeful. Thin softened
hands on my shoulders tenderly. I could
almost have fallen in love with her.


I like this so far, all the way through, but I am expecting you are going to support the baby blues and the last line later. Baby blues have some heavy baggage for my generation that you may or may not intend. I like the sanctuary of the sunroom idea.

[ampoule]

More please.

[AuntShecky]

At last! A piece that opens with verbs --"Spun, stomped,
and hooted"
Was I right to pick up the ambiguity of the phrase "baby blues" = eyes, the type of music, perhaps the indigo mood.
Well done.

[jon1jt]

:lol: blp, fire: you made reference to "baby blues" --- i was actually referring to her blue eyes. i had no idea that the term had anything to do with POSTPARTEM DEPRESSION! :blush: thanks for that info, fire! i clarify the reference in preceding dialogue in the larger work so it shouldn't be so ambiguous, i think. i was concerned it may have a cliche ring and blp was going to call me on it, and he did! Auntshecky got it, so there‘s still hope!!! :)

blp: i had the same concern about the "world crumbling" line. i can only hope in the narrative context it redeems itself. and the same with the last line. sun room blue is the title of the section…glad you and fire like it!

virgil: you being the first to comment i was happy as heck to hear that it whet your appetite, and having the same effect on ampoule. That was my hope, short though the piece is. Virge, this scene is definitely not at the beginning...it's about 160 pages into the narrative.

ampoule: :lol: thanks---okay, more then it is.

Auntshecky: verbs work sometimes too! the indigo mood, you got it!! who says poets can't mix colors in a poem. :lol: i'm officially happy now. :p

all comments appreciated. :

[firefangled]

blp, fire: you made reference to "baby blues" --- i was actually referring to her blue eyes. i had no idea that the term had anything to do with POSTPARTEM DEPRESSION! thanks for that info, fire! i clarify the reference in preceding dialogue in the larger work so it shouldn't be so ambiguous, i think. i was concerned it may have a cliche ring and blp was going to call me on it, and he did! Auntshecky got it, so there‘s still hope!!!

Smart a** youngsters! :flare: I actually was referring to the baggage carried by many songs of varying meaning:

There was the very popular You're my baby blue song that started with repetative misspellings - Babby Bblue, you're my baby blue/that's what I'll call you etc. Tune in to one of the Public Television songs for old people donation drive and I'm sure they'll sing that one. We take our teeth out and hold hands
when Connie Francis comes on. Rockin' and rollin with walkers is a sight to see. :lol:

Then there was the other end of the spectrum, the negative BB with Bob Dylan's ..."the carpet too is moving under you/and it's all over now Baby Blue.:p

In between were several others very in between. As it is written now I had no objections only that I was possible anticipating some reference to one of the above, other than a general reference to the songs of the time.

I gotta get out my Time Life 60s CDs now.

[jon1jt]

:thumbs_up
Smart a** youngsters! :flare: I actually was referring to the baggage carried by many songs of varying meaning:

There was the very popular You're my baby blue song that started with repetative misspellings - Babby Bblue, you're my baby blue/that's what I'll call you etc. Tune in to one of the Public Television songs for old people donation drive and I'm sure they'll sing that one. We take our teeth out and hold hands
when Connie Francis comes on. Rockin' and rollin with walkers is a sight to see. :lol:

Then there was the other end of the spectrum, the negative BB with Bob Dylan's ..."the carpet too is moving under you/and it's all over now Baby Blue.:p

In between were several others very in between. As it is written now I had no objections only that I was possible anticipating some reference to one of the above, other than a general reference to the songs of the time.

I gotta get out my Time Life 60s CDs now.

:lol: :lol: i had no idea of the history of baby blues, stemming to even Dylan! i first heard the reference with "sinatra's baby blues" and now that i've done a little homework i found that nat king cole has a song "Wee Baby Blues."

i plan to add the general reference to the songs in the larger piece which will provide just the right spice. thanks fire. :thumbs_up

[Chortle]

i love it personally, i just wish that i had some context so that it would flow better.

[jon1jt]

i love it personally, i just wish that i had some context so that it would flow better.


so, what you're saying basically is that you love it and don't exactly love it. o' heart. :p