unidimensional

[white camellia]

Look, it's simple, says the master

Live your life without fame
Write your poem without rime
Serve your God without syllables

She listened, fiddling with her tragedies

[ktd222]

Hi white camellia,

Scrolling through the list of posted poems, I saw one written by you. How come no one has commented on it yet? It’s already getting buried. I’d realized I’d never read any of your work. Funny, because you’ve been a member for such a long time, and I have seen you frequent the personal poetry section for just as long as I’ve been a member.

I’m glad I got a chance to read this one. Philosophical indeed! It always sounds like the easiest thing to do to let the path guide you…but never is. And I think you demonstrate this by conveying that “she” listened to the advice, yet is still trying to play around “with her tragedies.”

I’m not sure about line four, though. Are the “syllables” referring to both the written and spoken word? Then what of the “rime” in the previous line? Is this rime created in the poem by writing or sounding words out? I would like to think the Master is teaching her step by step to be free of one, then the other, then both. But then what of “possession” in line two? Aren’t speaking and writing just intangible qualities we all possess? So this must be the type of possessing over one’s life you are referring to.

I wonder if the words “life, poem, God” is in the right order as far as the breadth of importance.

It’s late. I think I’m still making sense. Overall the poem is very good, and has a profound message.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Look, it's simple, says the Master

Handle your life without possession
Write your poem without rime
Serve your God without syllables

She listened, fiddling with her tragedies.

I think it is an art and a craft beyond the ordinary to pare to the essence what one has to say, as you have done here. The reference to "fiddling with her tragedies" is heartbreaking especially as it is offered without condemnation of her.

"rime" should be "rhyme" Spelled the way you did it means something else.

[ampoule]

I llike this very much white camellia.


note: you see, i like it so much, you made me stutter. ;)

[AuntShecky]

re: "rime" It can mean the frost that appears on window panes in the winter, but the archaic spelling also includes
the modern connotation of "rhyme." It was good enough for the Ancient Mariner.

[white camellia]

Loved all your comments!



The first time I saw 'rime' was in "Verse" preceding "Paradise Lost".

[blp]

Classic. Absolutely classic.

[Virgil]

Look, it's simple, says the Master

Handle your life without possession
Write your poem without rime
Serve your God without syllables

She listened, fiddling with her tragedies.

Pretty Camellia. I like this line best: "Serve your God without syllables." It's quite original. Perhaps another such line will make the poem. This line seems out of place: "Handle your life without possession." The other two in the stanza have references to writing poetry. Perhaps you might rework that one with a reference to poetry and it may come out sharper.

[blp]

Here's what I wanted to say: I really mean it when I say that one's a classic. Like a good bit of Plath, it's like someone talking in an ordinary voice, but amazing.

[jon1jt]

initially i wasn't feeling the last line's use of "tragedies" i thought it was a bit trite. after reading it a few times, i honestly don't know what i was thinking. i'm with blp, in my opinion, this is an example of how poetry that endures is done. absolutely brilliant, camellia. all i can say is wow and return to my notebook inspired. thanks.

[Riesa]

Look, it's simple, says the Master

Handle your life without possession
Write your poem without rime
Serve your God without syllables

She listened, fiddling with her tragedies.


White Camellia.

quotable.

Makes me think of my own thoughts.
the ones I don't write down,
you've done something spectacular.

Well done.

[blazeofglory]

Look, it's simple, says the Master

Handle your life without possession
Write your poem without rime
Serve your God without syllables

She listened, fiddling with her tragedies.

This poem is so much moving, and of course it contains everything, and this is the idea about God, if any.

The idea of God should be connected with this idea, and indeed it has a universality meaning of the existence of something people are timelessly trying to identify himself with.

[white camellia]

I llike this very much white camellia.


note: you see, i like it so much, you made me stutter. ;)

Ha, how sweet, ampoule. Thank you.