pedestrian

[amuse]

got in it
the mail today
you jumped for joy
ran to tell your friends
turned on the gas
while i was walking
thinking of him
his son
our life together
my coworker -
too long in the hospital, and her
family just left yesterday
they live
out of state
the weather turned
when she
got sick at least i noticed
her old "friends"
suddenly found more laundry to
do and corners to dust -
i thought of her
remembered
her smile
i think i looked at a flower on the
tree
it was pink and kissy
light, fresh, and sweet
i smelled youth as
i passed it by
wrote a poem;
that is i heard
it, was going to find a
pen when i got home
compose a sonata
a sonnet
a rhyme
a blessing
give thanks for
everything i have
in my life
my dishes need washing and i have
to call mary
god i want a stick of
gum
where did this wind
come from or the sirens
or -
why am i spinning
i only know he's
waiting for me to turn the
key i have exams tomorrow
and you have a license to
kill

no

oh wait,
you won't
realize
it's not one
until it's too

[Isagel]

I think I like this part best:

my dishes need washing and i have
to call mary
god i want a stick of
gum
where did this wind
come from or the sirens


It feels natural ro read, not constructed - and the words make a good rythm. It´s almost a strange paradox that it takes work and effort to make a stream of thoughts poem feel true. I really like this poem, but I think it might benifit from some editing. But by now you know that I have a taste for "minimalistic" poems, and perhaps that is not what you want.

I think the poem really shows how abruptly things change, and what it really means that a life is ended. Somebodys story cut short. In the poem you make the person alive , with a history that we get to glimpse. Perhaps that would be hard to keep if you edit to much, but I think that you can do it.

There is a short story that is a little bit similar in theme by a swedish writer called Dagerman. It´s called "To kill a child" I´ll see if I can find a translation for you, I think you might like it. Glad to see so much of your work here again. It´s almost nice to have been gone, just to see so much new things now.

[SmilesAF]

This is good poetry. I find the title to be particularily ( i think that's a spelling error) refreshing, like a stream of thoughts amounted while one walks along a sidewalk, where a stream of thoughts can be abrubtly interupted because of something you see, or hear, or smell. And yet, it's a time is there to consider over the more important parts of life?
I guess i mean to say, that there is an unknown element in your poem, that makes it easy for people to relate to.
It's good poetry.

[amuse]

...brief hx (history): when i was walking home, this person tore into his left turn from a small, bright alley. he looked to see if there were any cars in his way, then flew his bright blue classic convertible mustang down the one-way street.
now,
1. i was there on the corner. he never looked my way, but i had the sense not to cross.
2. my stepmom has owned one of those pretty toys for most of my life, and it sits in the yard not doing a thing because its clutch is pretty darned tempermental. so i have no respect for show-offs of that (or any) car - it's a motor on wheels.

and i could have died. like many, many people do daily because someone is more vain than careful, and i wouldn't have been around to see my boyfriend unlock my door, or go to school at the end of august, and chat on the phone or via e-mail with my friends. i like doing these things. so do, i'm sure, the people who don't make it because someone decides that their car, their piece of the road is more important than life.

as for the poem, i'm glad it kind of worked. i could edit a very little bit of it; i wrote it in my head after that incident but by the time i'd walked the remaining blocks home, had put it on the back burner for around 3 hrs or so. it's not precisely as it began.

it is easy :) to get into a stream of consciousness when walking, isn't it...how true.

[verybaddmom]

i love the title...and i especially love this part:

"i smelled youth as
i passed it by"
vaguely reminiscent of "smells like teen spirit" but really, not at all...

i also love this:
"i only know he's
waiting for me to turn the
key i have exams tomorrow
and you have a license to
kill"
i can see it. very vivid.
anyhow, i am discovering that im not coherent tonight....i love your poem as. that's what i was trying to say....