grieving

[verybaddmom]

i hate to put this thread in general chat, cause for once it is slightly more serious, but there really is no alternative.
i have a friend from across the world who is having a problem, and i was hoping that some of you smart, compassionate and imaginative people would have some suggestions for her.
see, her best friend (who is very far away from her geographically) has just lost her other best friend of 20 years to cancer in January. now the friend, naturally, is torn up over this, but my friend is torn up over her inability to help. i was wondering if anyone had any suggestions on how MY friend can help HER friend cope with her loss from such a distance?

[nome1486]

Wow, I'm really inadequate at being comforting, but strangely enough I was just thinking last night about a similar situation with a friend of mine whose dad died when we were 12. She had moved recently, about 30 minutes away, and it's really stupid but that feels like a long distance when you're 12 and can't drive. I'm sure she must have had a rough time, but I hardly saw her and now I wish I had been around more for her. So I guess I can't give you any advice that's very original, but I would say that maybe if your friend could find it possible to visit her friend, just being there for her might help. Even talking on the phone and letting her friend talk about how she feels could be helpful. Sorry I don't have better advice :(

[Greyangel]

I have spent my whole life moving from country to country, and it can be too much to handle (thats where my starting to smoke and having a very disturbing addiction to strong coffee come from), especially when it comes to making really good friends. So I agree with nome1486. The best thing your friend can do is just really be there for her friend, even if it has to be over the phone. I at least know that the thing I've wanted the most during hard times was just a good friend to listen. It doesn't seem like much, be it could be of great, great help.

[amuse]

i would say the same...even though i don't know.
my friend lost her two teenagers in a crash 4 years ago. she says the hardest thing is people not talking about them. she likes to talk about them, because they were part of her life, alive and she loved them. we've had really good talks, and really good listens. i can't offer any help, except what nome said about being there.
sorry i didn't see this post earlier. i hope your friend's friend can draw comfort from her.

[ravana]

I lost my sister this February........
She meant for me more than sister......
She left behind her us, her little kids and a husband who is at a loss.....
I can't listen to people who want share my grief....It doesn't help, you don't want to believe to death, these talks make you.....
The God sent us patience and we could stand and put up with it.
But we couldn't tell about her death to my brother who is in abroad. We just couldn't... What would he feel when he get know??? - I can't picture. But I'm sure that it would be much easier for him to grieve her death among natives.

She can't help her. To try to talk about her friend will hurt her much. She needs time to get used to that idea that she lost her forever.

[Sancho]

Gonna just move this back to the top. I really can't add anything to what's already been written, except that someone would be lucky to have freinds like those who have posted here.

[Sancho]

OK gotta move this one back to the top again. Sorry.

[Kiwi Shelf]

The summer before the 11th grade I moved to a new town. I have lived here a few years now, but Easter of the 12th grade brought no celebration. A friend of mine who had cystic fibrosis went into the hospital and never came back out. I was like the counsealing service for my friends because I was outside of it a sense, they called and I listened to them without really telling them how to feel. It's really tough to not be there, all you can really do is listen. They will tell you what they need you to hear.