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scarlet pain
11-04-2007, 07:05 AM
Please read and post a critic.


A slippery moist path
Of pitch black echoes,
The cold touch beneath
Icy feet that walks the hollow.
Two trembling hands touch-
Touch the door- ancient,
Worn with passing age;
Still elegant, divine yet dreary.
The large bronze knocker
Serpent heads coiled along,
Slightly touching the edges
With thousands of locked queries.


The door opens like-
Like a gust of wind,
Creaking and revolting,
Slowly revealing the other side!
As frozen, chilling winter,
Gloom hits the soul—
Sucking all pleasures at heart,
Yet a silent smile remains.
There on the other side,
A place of passion stands,
With its wearing glory –
Holding the breeze of past.
Angels standing on both sides,
In curved-cold stone,
Heartless, lifeless but pure,
And a moon-shine glow flickers.
Vines of wild rose;
Holding the palace,
With scarlet love-
Of their glowing heart.

Walking further through—
Through the gardens glorious;
Once blooming in valiant colours
Now destroyed and devoured in vain!
And there lay in silence
A pond—green, dark and cold
Restless, it tries to reflect,
The white-blue, bright sunny sky.
Seems like, souls of the past
Locked in chains,
Choked to certain death,
Doomed below this green blood.

At last the feet rest,
Sitting by the pond-
In utter silence, disturbs—
The surface in thousand years!

And suddenly the overcast head—
Clears, the eyes open,
The mind sighs and lament-
A forsaken dream in lost eternity.

symphony
11-04-2007, 11:44 AM
I like the way it takes me to that door, and I can almost see the bronze knocker with snakes coiled in it...can almost see that green pond....

I was uncomfortable with some lines, as i've told u before, but i like this over all. And of course, my favorite line, like yours, was-

Yet a silent smile remains.
:thumbs_up

Pendragon
11-05-2007, 11:40 AM
Your poetry is excellent, your voice seems anchored in the past, held to something that cannot possibly be changed. Shake your anchor loose, and bring your voice forward, don't let the chained souls of the past chain your soul.

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Four/smilycircle2.gif

gothic
11-05-2007, 12:59 PM
Please read and post a critic.



Seems like, souls of the past
Locked in chains,
Choked to certain death,
Doomed below this green blood.

At last the feet rest,
Sitting by the pond-
In utter silence, disturbs—
The surface in thousand years!




that was a splendid poem,scarlet.I didn't even get a moment's chance to observe the style,strength or anything,but flowed away with the streamy dream.I was dipped into the green depth of the pond,swallowed by the antique silence.
since I don't dream(literally speaking),it was great experiencing a dream of a friend of mine.
oh,how I envy the dreamers...!!!

clawmute
11-05-2007, 04:52 PM
The past with its good and bad memories is a source of pain and pleasure. You have painted a vivid picture of opening that door. A combination of fear and positive anticipation.

Write on!.....Clawmute

Beverly S
11-05-2007, 05:33 PM
Hmmm. Not quite sure what to think. Good writing, for sure. But a little too deep for me.

scarlet pain
11-06-2007, 05:26 AM
thanks to all of you for taking your time and reading my poem.I'm sooo.............................................. ....GLAD that you liked it.I'm soooooooo....HAPPY,i could die gladly!yeppi!:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana:

scarlet pain
11-06-2007, 05:30 AM
Your poetry is excellent, your voice seems anchored in the past, held to something that cannot possibly be changed. Shake your anchor loose, and bring your voice forward, don't let the chained souls of the past chain your soul.

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Four/smilycircle2.gif

thank you uncle pen.a great poet like yourself tells me that i write 'excellent' poetry!:blush:
well actually this is adream i saw several times before,so i thought it would be nice if i shared it with everyone in the form of a poem,and no wonder,everytime i saw this dream it made me very gloomy.
thank you again!:D

gothic
11-06-2007, 12:51 PM
Oh,how I envy the dreamers...

XUnknownX
11-06-2007, 05:35 PM
DAMN!!
That’s Brilliant..:thumbs_up
Your dream is pretty long I suppose…

ahsiam
11-08-2007, 05:55 AM
should i say something more?if i should say then its splendid.....awesome............wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!

scarlet pain
11-11-2007, 05:03 AM
thank you
being my best buddy you are THE BEST!;)