stay with me

[Pretty^Athens]

hi all, this is my first post here.. hope you'll like my poem and please please please review it for me! :)

Stay with me
I want you by my side…
Let's watch the snow together…
And sing among with the angels above…
Tell me a story…
A love story
About a princess locked in a high tower
Guarded by the wild dragon
And about prince charming
Who risked his life to save her…

I want you to be my prince charming
To visit me every sunset…
To promise that you'll always be there for me…
And I want to be your princess…
I want to be locked in your heart…
I want to live in your dreams…
And you to live in mine…

Now kiss me good night
And hold me tight…
I'm safe when I'm in your arms….

[Virgil]

Welcome to lit net Pretty A. Nice poem. I iked your first stanza better. It seemed more original and imaginative.

[symphony]

That very sweet. I agree with Virge on the first stanza, it sounds better than the second. :)
And welcome! ;)

[stormy sky]

It's very pretty,
something that all of us would want as a reality.
welcome to lit net.

[Pretty^Athens]

hey all, thanks for your reviews. i kinda want to understand what can i do to improve the second section?

[ampoule]

I am a fly-by-night poet, a flash-in-the-pan and not a critic, but, I would not have separated any of it with asterisks. I read your poem aloud as if I were with my lover, dreamily looking into the night and telling him what I wanted from him, and, of course, he is right there hanging on every word.
I like it.

[Pretty^Athens]

thanx for your reply... i was very pleased to read what you think of my oem.. it mesa me blush!

[Zelly]

I want to be locked in your heart…
I want to live in your dreams…

I really like those two lines in particular. I agree about the first stanza though, very sincere. The second stanza.. I don't want to say it seems forced exactly, but I think it's less natural. Good job though. =)

[symphony]

i kinda want to understand what can i do to improve the second section?Well actually i think its very hard not to sound banal when its love u're writing about. There's hardly anything left for anyone to write about! Seeing it that way, i dont think the 2nd stanza adds much originality to the poem. On the other hand though, if somebody's writing a love poem just because they want to jot down their feelings in paper, i guess there's no stopping them, lovers' license. ;)

[Pretty^Athens]

Well actually i think its very hard not to sound banal when its love u're writing about. There's hardly anything left for anyone to write about! Seeing it that way, i dont think the 2nd stanza adds much originality to the poem. On the other hand though, if somebody's writing a love poem just because they want to jot down their feelings in paper, i guess there's no stopping them, lovers' license. ;)

thanks for the explanation :D.
well you're right, translating your feelings to the paper is a bet limiting... i like my work though!

[symphony]

dont we all? :D

[Pretty^Athens]

dont we all? :D

:D yeah true...