Too Much

[Dalisis]

If by dreams you mean wish, then you're lying.
I'll be true to me, like I will be dying.
Maybe lately I've been lazy.
Try to find myself is somewhat crazy.
Nowhere I would get if I don't believe.
Beautified in darkness while I look for me.
Leave me hanging in the air like my hopes.
I just try extra hard and they keep saying nope.
To be then to give my all.
If I don't then to fall.
To die while i browse in my head.
To lead, to be, to try something I lead.
My life, my choice, my chance to fail.
My throne I'll hide under this veil.
I'll be something even if I die first.
From a baby a miracle since birth.
I'll be true to myself.
While I lie to everybody else.

[Dalisis]

Later... I come and go like the wind.
Today... I know what I've seen.
I know what I feel.
Down... like the waterfalls I go.
Low... like the crap on the floor.
And I know that soon the pain will be gone.
But i don't know if I can hold on for long.
Give me joy and I give you tears.
Give me power and I give you fears.
High... I fly, I reach, I'm a bird whos
Evil... and scared to find out what's there.
Man I never met suffering til I fell.
Love...Got so much is stupid.
Hold...wait! Ive been hit by cupid.
I never was evil but the way you played me.
Drove me insane and needed.
For you... the world on your feet.
Soon.. You'll feel like I did.
And Karma is a *****.
Watch it'll get you on your sleep.
Then you'll be begging for me.
Cuz you'll hate what you have.
Untill the day is free.

[TheFifthElement]

Phew, welcome to lit-net Dalisis. What an introduction, a very emotionally powerful poem.

[blazeofglory]

If by dreams you mean wish, then you're lying.
I'll be true to me, like I will be dying.
Maybe lately I've been lazy.
Try to find myself is somewhat crazy.
Nowhere I would get if I don't believe.
Beautified in darkness while I look for me.
Leave me hanging in the air like my hopes.
I just try extra hard and they keep saying nope.
To be then to give my all.
If I don't then to fall.
To die while i browse in my head.
To lead, to be, to try something I lead.
My life, my choice, my chance to fail.
My throne I'll hide under this veil.
I'll be something even if I die first.
From a baby a miracle since birth.
I'll be true to myself.
While I lie to everybody else.

Indeed these are spontaneous lines. Here is a note of sadness.

I lie the poem very much. something of tragedy.
There is a state of pessimism.

[quasimodo1]

To Dalisis: Let me preface this critique by the usual...it's just my opinion, if criticism isn't in some way positive...why comment at all. Poetry-wise I see the core or great poetry here. In my opinion, you need to reduce the volume of words to the essentially and thematically necessary words. You have to ask yourself questions...like "is this phrase necessary and if it is, can it be augmented, refined, reduced or transitioned? It's not so much about editing as it is about essence. You need to keep writing. e.e.cummings wrote a poem a day for years; I imagine some were discarded or recycled into other works. I hope in some way this encourages you to continue refining your gift. quasimodo1

[Dalisis]

thank you soo much for everybodi's opinions im takin into consideration everybody's criticism :):thumbs_up