Dreams

[TheFifthElement]

Your voice reaches into my dreams,
through the darkness I follow
the clear tone, like a light
that shines in the distance,
showing me the way
to home.

It is here that I know you best,
in this place where
truth and fiction are the same.
The conscious mask slips,
and we lie naked together,
of one mind, one sense;
and you know
you are my hopes
and fears, my secret,
my truth, my doing
and undoing,
that you are me,
and I am you,
and only fiction
separates us.

It is your voice
that pulls me from my dreams,
and drags me back into
unwilling flesh.
I am home.
Your face above mine smiles;
it is a mask,
and what lies beneath
is a mystery.

[Rockin462]

You may want to send them home after that One Night Stand ! Just kidding.
Well written.

[symphony]

most of the second stanza sounded too common to me, just my opinion though, but the last....i loved the last one. :thumbs_up

[Sweets America]

This is a sweet poem. I like the idea that both lovers join each other in this dreamland, beyond barriers. The ending is quite beautiful. :thumbs_up

[PrinceMyshkin]

I loved this but was puzzled by the final three lines. Everything else seems to speak of the naked truth between them, the "fiction" that separates them might be the fiction that one of them is male, the other female, or any of the other markers of separation that society instructs us to observe. That his face is, finally, a mask that conceals a mystery appears to contradict that.

[TheFifthElement]

You may want to send them home after that One Night Stand ! Just kidding.
Well written.

Thanks Rockin - I hadn't considered it that way, but I can see how this might fit a one night stand - interesting thought!


most of the second stanza sounded too common to me, just my opinion though, but the last....i loved the last one. :thumbs_up

Hi Symphony - yes, I can see what you mean about the second stanza, I may do some work on this.


This is a sweet poem. I like the idea that both lovers join each other in this dreamland, beyond barriers. The ending is quite beautiful. :thumbs_up

Sweets America - I think you have understood the poem the way I intended. When I read rockin462's comments I wondered if it perhaps didn't quite translate the way I intended. It is still possible, of course, but perhaps the interpretation of this is in the eye of the reader?


I loved this but was puzzled by the final three lines. Everything else seems to speak of the naked truth between them, the "fiction" that separates them might be the fiction that one of them is male, the other female, or any of the other markers of separation that society instructs us to observe. That his face is, finally, a mask that conceals a mystery appears to contradict that.

In life the dream is fiction, but in the dream state it is life that is the fiction. Therefore it is only the 'fiction' of life that separates them. It is a fiction that, in reality, no matter how much you might desire it, it cannot be overcome. Once we wake any sense of oneness, or joining with another is lost, all we can see is what's outside, and infer what goes on within, we see the mask, and everything else is a mystery.

[barbara0207]

Your poem translated very well - on second reading. At first I read it superficially and did not quite understand, so I had another go. I did not think the second stanza was too "common". Especially I liked the image of lying "naked". Unity, love, understanding - all taken for granted, no doubts in the fiction of the dream. But in reality everything looks different, doubts return, the dream seems like wishful thinking. I loved it.

[Sweets America]

Sweets America - I think you have understood the poem the way I intended. When I read rockin462's comments I wondered if it perhaps didn't quite translate the way I intended. It is still possible, of course, but perhaps the interpretation of this is in the eye of the reader?

Well, I have understood the poem as referring to the dreamland, this place of the unconscious, the place where nothing is hidden, and where impulses and desires are revealed. Thus, the lovers see each other as they truly are, unveiled. On the contrary, in real life, there are the barriers of consciousness, and this is what puts a veil and a mask on people.

[dibyendra]

I loved the last stanza most appealing.


It is your voice
that pulls me from my dreams,
and drags me back into
unwilling flesh.
I am home.
Your face above mine smiles;
it is a mask,
and what lies beneath
is a mystery.

"It is your voice
that pulls me from my dreams,
and drags me back into
unwilling flesh." is really vivid expression Fifth.

Best,
Dibyendra

[Pendragon]

I have no trouble with your poem, Fifth. The border between dreaming and awakening is a close one that I walk the edge of at all times. It sounds a bit naff, but it is true. Dreams and reality blend in the life of one like myself, and I don't see why they shouldn't in others. "Life, what is it but a dream?"

[blp]

One of your more naive efforts, 5th. Sorry. Seems to me almost anyone could have written this, but you're capable of much better.

[TheFifthElement]

Thanks Barbara & Dibyendra.

Pen, You're comments are very apt, and understandable. Sometimes my dreams are so vivid that for a long time afterwards they are as palpable as a memory, and it's only the fact that I remember waking up from it that classifies it as a dream at all.


One of your more naive efforts, 5th. Sorry. Seems to me almost anyone could have written this, but you're capable of much better.

Thanks blp - this is a truly nice compliment, and I appreciate it. :D

[blp]

Thanks blp - this is a truly nice compliment, and I appreciate it. :D

Glad you took it in the spirit intended. ;)