The End Of The World

[mazHur]

The End of the World
by mazHur

everything
devouring everything
seeming to have no business
but to kill
animals eating animals-
and plants
plants sucking earth
planets,meteors,stars
scavenging the sky
oceans gulping
streams,rivers,drains
and parcels of land
Men and women, young and old
all living things
ultimately becoming the food of
this dying earth
Wind blowing to take home
anything it can move
fire consuming all
that comes its way
Minds boggling into the bog
of thoughts
then perishing
Hearts meet to separate
crumble,break
Time and space
decomposing
getting reduced to ashes
Death leveling everything
fair, unfair, to dust
What a fate we have
living and non-living things-
terrestrial or surreal
all pitched against one another
for food, for subsistence
God knows for how long?
But one thing is sure
sooner or later
a time will come
when yields will fall
and for sustenance of life
men will start eating men
to creator's utter disgust.

[AuntShecky]

The piece had a rhythmical, mystical appeal up until the concluding seven lines, when it shifted into almost horror-movie mode. If you don't mind my suggestion, perhaps you could make this good piece better by tossing those cannibalistic lines and writing a different resolution.

If this is a warning, perhaps the conclusion could be a subtle yet powerful resolution to the piece.

I hope you don't mind my suggestion. The piece with its
significant topic is definitely worth salvaging (as is the "world")

auntie

[mazHur]

The piece had a rhythmical, mystical appeal up until the concluding seven lines, when it shifted into almost horror-movie mode. If you don't mind my suggestion, perhaps you could make this good piece better by tossing those cannibalistic lines and writing a different resolution.

If this is a warning, perhaps the conclusion could be a subtle yet powerful resolution to the piece.

I hope you don't mind my suggestion. The piece with its
significant topic is definitely worth salvaging (as is the "world")

auntie

Dear AuntSheky

I deeply appreciate your valued comments and thank you for the same.

With so many problems around, such as global warming, news of 60 percent of our fish species getting extinct by 2050, sinking of Maldepe, natural devastations caused by floods, hurricanes, fires, terrorism, global warming melting down glaciers into sea and devastating the stratosphere, etc ,etc, I think it is a warning to humanbeings as well as a reminder that God doesn't seem to be happy with them for how they continue to live on earth

regards

[AuntShecky]

With so many problems around, such as global warming, news of 60 percent of our fish species getting extinct by 2050, sinking of Maldepe, natural devastations caused by floods, hurricanes, fires, terrorism, global warming melting down glaciers into sea and devastating the stratosphere, etc ,etc, I think it is a warning to humanbeings as well as a reminder that God doesn't seem to be happy with them for how they continue to live on earth

regards

Each of those natural-disasters-waiting-to-happen could be the subject of its own poem, at least one, perhaps numerous ones. I'm glad you're not afraid to take on big
topics, but I know you'll try to winnow them down to a manageable size that can be compressed into a good, powerful piece of verse.
That's the key to the theme of an individual poem--
compression, or distillation.
My suggestion is to put as much--if not more-- effort into the form as the content.

Keep up the good work, and have a good weekend.

Auntie

[mazHur]

thank you, dear Aunt, for the kind comments and nice tips.
I will try to comply ,,
best