Indelicate

[TheFifthElement]

Close to the ocean’s
lapping edge
a solitary shell
waits, exposed
in foetal curl.
Its delicate surface
is sand-scarred
to pitted bone,
and just a
trace of pearl
remains;
a memory
encircling
the point of entry.
Inside another memory sings
of distance and motion,
of white sands,
the taste of foreign skin,
the sharp allure
of the exotic.
It is a song that hums
closer, ever closer
as the ocean
encroaches, slipping
soft into the open lip
depositing salt,
sand, memory,
enveloping
ridge and curl.
With each caress
it sinks
deep, deeper
into annihilation,
aware only of
the power of
the waves
and the force
that drives
it relentlessly
to its own
destruction.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Marvellous poem! I felt caught by the opening lines and read on - admittedy with an element of dread that you might overstep the delicacy you'd established there. I needn't have worried. You kept it up as if you had become one with the shell, or as someone once wrote of Tolstoy, that he described even furniture as it might describe itself.

[blp]

Beautifully done, but I actually think the very beginning is some of the weakest stuff here. Might there be a more interesting way of saying 'lapping edge'? Not sure 'waits exposed' is doing much.

Later on, don't you think there are some words that should never again be used in poetry? 'Caress' for instance.

[TheFifthElement]

Marvellous poem! I felt caught by the opening lines and read on - admittedy with an element of dread that you might overstep the delicacy you'd established there. I needn't have worried. You kept it up as if you had become one with the shell, or as someone once wrote of Tolstoy, that he described even furniture as it might describe itself.

Thank you Prince Myshkin :)


Beautifully done, but I actually think the very beginning is some of the weakest stuff here. Might there be a more interesting way of saying 'lapping edge'? Not sure 'waits exposed' is doing much.

Later on, don't you think there are some words that should never again be used in poetry? 'Caress' for instance.

Hi blp! Yes, there are aspects of the poem that I'm still not quite happy with, and I don't think this will be the final, final version (but I like to keep those to myself ;) ).

He he he, I appreciate your point re 'caress', etc. I think it started with 'pass' or something along those lines, but then I wondered if it was a little too subtle, and that it might need making clearer that this is not really a poem about a shell on a beach, but something else entirely.

[blp]

I wondered if it was a little too subtle, and that it might need making clearer that this is not really a poem about a shell on a beach, but something else entirely.

I didn't get that! :blush: Maybe too subtle still! Or I'm just doopid.

[SleepyWitch]

I like it a lot, Fifth.
is it only my perverted mind, or is there some Freudian symbolism in it? ;)

[ktd222]

Later on, don't you think there are some words that should never again be used in poetry? 'Caress' for instance.

Hey, I think "caress" is a wonderful word to use in a poem.

The way the bedclothes slid away
and left her body bare,
a peach-touched texture,
nonspecific, gaining softer
against the soft lit air,

or how the greenery and sky
uplifts her hair, caressing softly,
there and there.

[TheFifthElement]

I didn't get that! :blush: Maybe too subtle still! Or I'm just doopid.

No, perhaps your just not perverted like me and Sleepy!



is it only my perverted mind, or is there some Freudian symbolism in it? ;)

Thanks Sleepywitch, you can read my mind, its in the gutter - it's nice to have company :)

[ampoule]

I am right there with you Fifth and Sleepy. I was almost late for school this morning reading this delicate poem about something SOME say is indelicate. LOL I loved it!

[blp]

Hey, I think "caress" is a wonderful word to use in a poem.

The way the bedclothes slid away
and left her body bare,
a peach-touched texture,
nonspecific, gaining softer
against the soft lit air,

or how the greenery and sky
uplifts her hair, caressing softly,
there and there.

It was. Bit overdone now, that's all.

[SleepyWitch]

and just a
trace of pearl
remains;
a memory
encircling
the point of entry.



my fave lines :) :brow: kinda naughty, but subtle

[ktd222]

It was. Bit overdone now, that's all.

Now if you were to say "pink," then I'd agree. That's one ugly sounding word.;)

[symphony]

I like it. I like it very much.

:thumbs_up

[firefangled]

Very descriptive and yummy. It reminded me of Laguna Beach and a place called Pirates Cove where we could find oysters along a jetty there and then and there (the Pacific) the water was so cold and clean we ate them up right on the spot.

Very well done. I loved the image of them going down and I guess you have replaced pylons for an esophagus. Nice imagery.

[TheFifthElement]

I am right there with you Fifth and Sleepy. I was almost late for school this morning reading this delicate poem about something SOME say is indelicate. LOL I loved it!

Thanks ampoule :) What a lovely compliement to have almost made you late for work.


I like it. I like it very much.

:thumbs_up

Thanks symphony.


Very descriptive and yummy. It reminded me of Laguna Beach and a place called Pirates Cove where we could find oysters along a jetty there and then and there (the Pacific) the water was so cold and clean we ate them up right on the spot.

Very well done. I loved the image of them going down and I guess you have replaced pylons for an esophagus. Nice imagery.

It's always nice when a poem prompts a memory. Yours is lovely :) thank you.

[Sweets America]

I love this poem! I love it!:thumbs_up
I had not seen the 'freudian hint' in it at first, but now that I see it, it seems obvious, and I like the poem even more!
I cannot quote a passage that I love more than the rest because the whole poem is fantastic! One of my favorites in here! :banana:

[Xillus_Xavier]

This poem didn't really strike me as interesting the first time I read it.
However as I went back over it again I realized how awesome it is!

[TheFifthElement]

Thank you Sweets America, you are very kind.

Xillus - thank you, I'm glad you came back for a second read :)