Thoughts

[scarlet pain]

please read my poem and give a comment :)


Thoughts come-like a river flow,
Like May flower and a quick rainbow!

As days pass and years grow,
Some mislead and some show-
Paths of truth,paths of pleasure,
paths of sorrow and distress beyond measure.

A sudden thought a misplaced foot,
Into the abyss,a demon's loot!
One step forward with a well earned thought,
A rise and shine and a fight well fought!

Thoughts of Dreamy eyes and a loved heart,
Lyre of passion and graceful 'Motzart'!
Thoughts of yesterday,tomorrow and today,
Memories or things-to-do or a well planned way!

Thoughts come-like falling snow,
Like May flower and a quick rainbow!

Bright,blue sky and an airy mood,
Nothing impossible-feels so good!
A dull snowy day-dampy wet streets,
A sunken heart,tearfull eyes and an angry hiss!

A twisted mind can think much worse,
And have no regret,no remorse!
A simple mind is thought to be,
Wild,green,vivid and so free!

Like some dreams true and vivid,
Thoughts are yet so varied indeed,
From era to era and age to age,
From people to people,young-old phase!
Thoughts are but thoughts for certain,
Like sparks of glory and blazing pain!

[scarlet pain]

In the darkness of the night,
When i'm lieing all alone,
Something grasps my breath holding tight-
I beg for mercy and fight to be undone!

Then i see,dark shadows-
Lurking in the corners of my room;
Reminds me of all the sins
Commited to friends and foes-
That will bring me someday to my doom!

I feel burning tears rolling down my eyes,
But that is blood i fear,and deep sighs;
Cause i've cut so deep through my soul!
I wonder around my head,hopelessly,
And desperation grabs me;
And there is nothing for me from fate's bowl!

I loose my value,
Can't put my foot down hard,
Cause no light remains for me!
The sunlight is no more warm enough-
Makes me hard,cold and shallow,
My thoughts turn more wrong and absurd,
My tempers sore and my soul unfree!

Death holds my hand;
But for me eternity is banned,
I've crimed when i slept,
I've crimed when i woke;and i wept!
Shall i ever be forgiven?
My heart's smitten,my faith broken!

I'm lost forever,
Thogh a light of truth i seek!
Then i kneel down to beg and plead;
Cause a someone is always there,
To hear out for the weak!

And i find-two eyes to shed tear,
A hand which holds with no fear;
Comes to me from HIM,
And i see-HIS creation,a mystic dream!

An angel of peace and sweetness,
And so my face brightens.
Thank you oh lord!I say aloud,
I see a blue sky-white cloud,
And the shortest way to heaven is revealed,
I live again and my heart is healed!

[ahsiam]

In the darkness of the night,
When i'm lieing all alone,
Something grasps my breath holding tight-
I beg for mercy and fight to be undone!


i love this stanza.
and wonderfully written.
just keep it up.

[symphony]

hard to say which one of the two i liked and which i loved... both are good.

well done, scarlet pain.

okay this is difficult, Raw. its just too damn big!
so what will i call u here? scar? pain? :lol:

[PrinceMyshkin]

please read my poem and give a comment :)


Thoughts come-like a river flow,
Like May flower and a quick rainbow!

As days pass and years grow,
Some mislead and some show-
Paths of truth,paths of pleasure,
paths of sorrow and distress beyond measure.

A sudden thought a misplaced foot,
Into the abyss,a demon's loot!
One step forward with a well earned thought,
A rise and shine and a fight well fought!

Thoughts of Dreamy eyes and a loved heart,
Lyre of passion and graceful 'Motzart'!
Thoughts of yesterday,tomorrow and today,
Memories or things-to-do or a well planned way!

Thoughts come-like falling snow,
Like May flower and a quick rainbow!

Bright,blue sky and an airy mood,
Nothing impossible-feels so good!
A dull snowy day-dampy wet streets,
A sunken heart,tearfull eyes and an angry hiss!

A twisted mind can think much worse,
And have no regret,no remorse!
A simple mind is thought to be,
Wild,green,vivid and so free!

Like some dreams true and vivid,
Thoughts are yet so varied indeed,
From era to era and age to age,
From people to people,young-old phase!
Thoughts are but thoughts for certain,
Like sparks of glory and blazing pain!

Some telling phrases here but I suggest you lay off the end-rhymes until you can do them as gracefully (or nearly) as

http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15301

[blazeofglory]

please read my poem and give a comment :)


Thoughts come-like a river flow,
Like May flower and a quick rainbow!

As days pass and years grow,
Some mislead and some show-
Paths of truth,paths of pleasure,
paths of sorrow and distress beyond measure.

A sudden thought a misplaced foot,
Into the abyss,a demon's loot!
One step forward with a well earned thought,
A rise and shine and a fight well fought!

Thoughts of Dreamy eyes and a loved heart,
Lyre of passion and graceful 'Motzart'!
Thoughts of yesterday,tomorrow and today,
Memories or things-to-do or a well planned way!

Thoughts come-like falling snow,
Like May flower and a quick rainbow!

Bright,blue sky and an airy mood,
Nothing impossible-feels so good!
A dull snowy day-dampy wet streets,
A sunken heart,tearfull eyes and an angry hiss!

A twisted mind can think much worse,
And have no regret,no remorse!
A simple mind is thought to be,
Wild,green,vivid and so free!

Like some dreams true and vivid,
Thoughts are yet so varied indeed,
From era to era and age to age,
From people to people,young-old phase!
Thoughts are but thoughts for certain,
Like sparks of glory and blazing pain!

Thoughts well up,
Many vanish before they germinate,
Thoughts have no limits and no boundaries
Thoughts obey no laws, and become unruly

Thoughts come at any time and of anything
Thoughts follow no religions
Thoughts yields to no taboos,

Thoughts have no authority to submit,
It has no God

Nothing is freer than thoughts
But when we speak a greater part of thoughts vanish
What is thought gets screened
And the mind censors many thoughts

And greater parts of it remain deposited or layered underneath minds
Part of it can be manifest in poems, music, or a piece of art.

But at times some writers try to make optimum use of it through
A variety of devices and indeed one is a stream of consciousness

Yet even that stream becomes canalized when they will get filtered
Through words, for words and sentences delimit thoughts into specific patterns

[scarlet pain]

Thanks to all of you for taking the time to correct me and teach me to be good at this.I've been writing since childhood but never thought to judge me,now thanks to you all for doing that for me,i promise i'll keep up and try to do much much better!:)

[AuntShecky]

I liked the effort in your imposing some rhythm in your lines -- but not all of the lines scan. We don't want them to be too sing-songy, but sometimes the rhythm is a little rough. Try tweaking the syllables a bit; substitute some synonyms so it reads more smoothly. When you think you've finished your revision, read it aloud.

Don't let anybody ever talk you out of using end rhymes if that's what you want. Some rhyming poems are delightful, in your auntie's wizened ol' opinion

The second stanza of the first poem is the best of the lot, by far. See how far that intriguing phrase "misplaced foot"
can take you!

A good effort.

Auntie

[scarlet pain]

Thank you the wise aunt:)!thank you so much for your valuable advice i'll try to keep all that in mind while writing my next poem,thank you so much!:blush: