Such Romantic Love Is Evil?

[Pensive]

Okay guys. Was listening to some songs and nearly in every there was a mention of how the person was ready to leave the world and everyone else for the one he desired umm romantically. I did feel pity for the person (though somewhere my brain says I shouldn't) but anger as well. I mean come on, are there not other people he associate with? Are there not people who care for him? He is there babbling about not getting the one he loves, and on the other hand there are others counting on him as well. No doubt, there is an old saying that goes something like this, "Romantic love is dangerous, and selfish than any other." I feel like agreeing with it. And it (especially in a situation I mentioned above), it seems it's evil which is teaching one to treat people like things, not caring for the emotions of others who care for him and those he owes a lot.

Well, this is a song but in real life I have seen this happening as well. So do you feel pity for such people who are ready to separate from all others (parents, siblings, friends, etc) they say they love for the sake of the one they romantically care for? (I wonder if I am the only one who gets mad on it!)

And don't you think such romantic love is evil? :(

[Lote-Tree]

And don't you think such romantic love is evil? :(

Love as Evil He he :D

I said that once here on this forum...

But Love as a concept is not evil.

Romantic Love can be utterly selfish...but not always...it can give away to true selflessness....

I have struggled with love all my life...and still understand nothing of it...Love is strange. Human heart is strange...

But I think for lot of people LOVE gets mixed up with sexual desire...though romantic love contains the element of sexual desire...but it can give away to love itself...If only we can separate Sex from Love then love would be perhaps shown to be truly selflless...Love seeketh not itself to please...?

[Pensive]

Love as Evil He he :D

I said that once here on this forum...

But Love as a concept is not evil.

Romantic Love can be utterly selfish...but not always...it can give away to true selflessness....

I have struggled with love all my life...and still understand nothing of it...Love is strange. Human heart is strange...

I think we can't generalise love as something evil as the whole world is surviving with its presence. Can't imagine a world without it personally! (whether romantic or unromantic). And nowhere I said that love is overall evil, though yes, at places it can be totally unjust. We can change our standards of judging things due to it. (again I am not discluding the unromantic love as well as unromantic love can be considered evil too!)

But as the situation here is specified, what do you think about it? Is love (in this situation) evil? Can you sympathize with this person? And even if you can sympathize, are you getting angry on him as well? (means are your emotions mixed?)

[Lote-Tree]

But as the situation here is specified, what do you think about it? Is love (in this situation) evil? Can you sympathize with this person? And even if you can sympathize, are you getting angry on him as well? (means are your emotions mixed?)

I hate selfishness of all kinds (including my own!)...to me love is not selfish...but that is just me...it is hard to sympathise with selfishness...

[Gadget Girl]

But as the situation here is specified, what do you think about it? Is love (in this situation) evil? Can you sympathize with this person? And even if you can sympathize, are you getting angry on him as well? (means are your emotions mixed?)

I know a person that he had found someone whom he is willing to be with that person forever and ever, and I noticed that he had forgotten about anything else and all he sees is this girl. Like there is nobody else in the world besides that girl. Although, he and the girl musn't be fallin' in love with eachother because both of their parents don't agree with their love. Sometimes, when his friends talk to him, he doesn't reply back (I mean, he replies but it's a little colder than he used to), all he thinks is the one that he loves. One of his friends talked to me and she said that he is not like the one that they knew anymore.

Love is not that evil, but it can sometimes seperate you from the other ones that care for you. Because you had found someone else to love and you have already forgotten about the other people in your life.

[Pensive]

I know a person that he had found someone whom he is willing to be with that person forever and ever, and I noticed that he had forgotten about anything else and all he sees is this girl. Like there is nobody else in the world besides that girl. Although, he and the girl musn't be fallin' in love with eachother because both of their parents don't agree with their love. Sometimes, when his friends talk to him, he doesn't reply back (I mean, he replies but it's a little colder than he used to), all he thinks is the one that he loves. One of his friends talked to me and she said that he is not like the one that they knew anymore.

Yes, and how hard must it be on his friends.


Love is not that evil, but it can sometimes seperate you from the other ones that care for you. Because you had found someone else to love and you have already forgotten about the other people in your life.

I don't understand why if it separates you from others, isn't it evil in that case? :(

[Gadget Girl]

Well, I guess so... I just don't want to think that love is evil.

[Lozenge121]

I think for something to be evil, it has to intentionally cause sorrow, and this person doesn't intend to hurt the people around him. Sometimes, circumstances mean you hurt people.

[Shalot]

I think for something to be evil, it has to intentionally cause sorrow, and this person doesn't intend to hurt the people around him. Sometimes, circumstances mean you hurt people.

Good answer Lozenge, that's kind of what I was thinking.

Romantic love doesn't have to be destructive in that way - sometimes romantic love can be a lifesaver.

[Pensive]

I think for something to be evil, it has to intentionally cause sorrow, and this person doesn't intend to hurt the people around him. Sometimes, circumstances mean you hurt people.

It's something to think about, Loz. :thumbs_up

But see, many people don't want to cause anybody sorrow when they cheat/rob or do anything of that sort. Even sometimes people murder because of poverty to get money. Does this justify what they do? I know, we would feel more pity towards the person who has committed the crime in this case but altogether it wouldn't seem really nice. Would it?

A person who can neglect all his loved ones for his new romantic love, can't he leave her/him for another one that soon? There would be no commitment, nothing of that sort. Not a good side of love/life. Such a treatment of human-beings, doesn't it seem evil? (he doesn't want to hurt anybody but he wants things his own way) Doesn't this make this love look evil? (and again, I would have to repeat I am talking about this specific case, not generally accusing it of being evil).

[Sweets America]

I really disagree with you here, Pensive. With the others as well, I think. I guess it really depends on which importance love in general has in one's life.

To me for instance, love is the most important thing in my life. Maybe because I never had it during years, and I thought no one would ever look at me this way. So, if I found the person which I would consider to be the love of my life, I would be ready to leave everything behind to follow the person in question.

The love my family can give me is not the same as the one a lover can give me, and frankly, I really prefer the love a lover can give me. My family loves me, but also judges me because I'm different. A lover, however, would choose to be with me despite my differences.

Maybe it's a question of selfishness, but to me it's more of a question of living one's life according to what one thinks is best for them. I don't see why we should live our lives according to what other people want. People who really love you and want you to be happy should let you go, if that is what you need to be happy. If I followed what my family wants for me, I would stop my university studies, lose all the dreams I have and take the first job I find because 'life is hard and you have to stop hoping for a good future'.

To me, experiencing love, touching the hand of a lover, is one of the most magical things in this world. I prefer what I can share with a lover than what I can share with family or friends, even if friends are a great thing. I just love the intimacy of a love relationship.

I would never judge people who leave everything behind, or 'pity' them or be 'angry' at them. I would on the contrary admire them, because they have had the courage to follow their desire despite the obstacles. No one knows for sure if this or that lover is the right one, but at least those people give it a try.

Now, maybe my opinion is based on the fact that I have no real attachement where I live anyway, and thus, leaving the place would not be a problem for me. On the contrary, it would be a breath of fresh air!

[TheFifthElement]

People who really love you and want you to be happy should let you go, if that is what you need to be happy.

Absolutely right! Love isn't about possession, it's about feeling so much for a person that you would be prepared to lose them, if that's what they want, because their happiness and wellbeing is the most important thing in the world to you.

The same should apply to all love, romantic or otherwise.

[Pensive]

I really disagree with you here, Pensive. With the others as well, I think. I guess it really depends on which importance love in general has in one's life.

To me for instance, love is the most important thing in my life. Maybe because I never had it during years, and I thought no one would ever look at me this way. So, if I found the person which I would consider to be the love of my life, I would be ready to leave everything behind to follow the person in question.

The love my family can give me is not the same as the one a lover can give me, and frankly, I really prefer the love a lover can give me. My family loves me, but also judges me because I'm different. A lover, however, would choose to be with me despite my differences.

Maybe it's a question of selfishness, but to me it's more of a question of living one's life according to what one thinks is best for them. I don't see why we should live our lives according to what other people want. People who really love you and want you to be happy should let you go, if that is what you need to be happy. If I followed what my family wants for me, I would stop my university studies, lose all the dreams I have and take the first job I find because 'life is hard and you have to stop hoping for a good future'.

To me, experiencing love, touching the hand of a lover, is one of the most magical things in this world. I prefer what I can share with a lover than what I can share with family or friends, even if friends are a great thing. I just love the intimacy of a love relationship.

I would never judge people who leave everything behind, or 'pity' them or be 'angry' at them. I would on the contrary admire them, because they have had the courage to follow their desire despite the obstacles. No one knows for sure if this or that lover is the right one, but at least those people give it a try.

Now, maybe my opinion is based on the fact that I have no real attachement where I live anyway, and thus, leaving the place would not be a problem for me. On the contrary, it would be a breath of fresh air!

I have nowhere mentioned that I consider love to be evil generally (and I am repeating it again and again.) But what I am trying to say is that love (even unromantic)can make us do unfair things. Now do you disagree with this?

And this thing is for sure that where a person is getting the most attention, he would look up to but does that also mean he should forget other people (whom he owes a lot and I believe that we owe people)? It happens everywhere I think that spouses want you to do something which is not just. They want you to stop having any ties with your parents (even though they claim to love you and you them) or any friends. And their reasons are not even logical at times. Now when you would have promised to follow your spouse/girlfriend/any sort of romantic love everywhere, would you even do that? Or would you respect the choice of those who do that? Do you owe nothing to anyone else? Should there not be a relationship balance?


People who really love you and want you to be happy should let you go, if that is what you need to be happy.

How would you feel if your romantic love said you should let her/him go and that he/she is not happy with you?

[Sweets America]

I have nowhere mentioned that I consider love to be evil generally (and I am repeating it again and again.) But what I am trying to say is that love (even unromantic)can make us do unfair things. Now do you disagree with this?

And this thing is for sure that where a person is getting the most attention, he would look up to but does that also mean he should forget other people (whom he owes a lot and I believe that we owe people)? It happens everywhere I think that spouses want you to do something which is not just. They want you to stop having any ties with your parents (even though they claim to love you and you them) or any friends. And their reasons are not even logical at times. Now when you would have promised to follow your spouse/girlfriend/any sort of romantic love everywhere, would you even do that? Or would you respect the choice of those who do that? Do you owe nothing to anyone else? Should there not be a relationship balance?



How would you feel if your romantic love said you should let her/him go and that he/she is not happy with you?

I am not sure love makes us do unfair things. I think love just gives us the courage to do what our heart feels is best for us. There will always be someone who will disagree with your decision, but the decision is YOUR decision. It's your life.

I am not saying people should forget about family and friends. It's just that there is sometimes a decision to take (if your lover lives in a different country for instance). Here you have to decide whom you want to live with. You can stay with your family and visit your lover at times, or stay with your lover and visit your family at times. It just depends on whose persons you think it's more important to have a daily life with. I personalily think I've had a daily life with my family for years, and a time comes when one has to live his/her own life, and discover new people. In addition, having a daily life with one's lover is a good way to see if the person is the right one.

Now, if your lover wants to force you to leave your family and friends, it always depends on you and you only. If you think your lover is unjust, you will explain him and you both will try to solve the problem. If you feel that you really cannot leave everything behind to follow him, then maybe he's just not your right one, or you're not ready yet, or family values and bonds are more important to you. That is not a problem, just a choice.

Having friends is great, but I personaly cherish the very mysterious bond which links 2 lovers. The intimacy of it cannot be found anywhere else. A lover is a friend, but with something more. A lover can also become your family, and build a new one with you.

You say 'all their reasons are not even logical at times', but the major problem in that sentence is that you use 'reason' and 'logical'. If you search for reason and logic in feelings and love, you will have a hard time finding them. The thrill that love conveys is actually that it allows you to follow desires that might seem unnatural for the world, but that strangely seem like the best thing to do for you.

I don't like the idea of owing things to people. If people love you, there should be no conditions to this love. Otherwise, it's called blackmailing.

About following my boyfriend, I cannot promise you I would do it because I am not in the situation right now. But, since I have no attachement in my country and I have always wanted to leave, it would not be a problem to me.
It is very difficult to accept that someone you love has to go away to be happy. You ask me if I would accept to let someone go. Actually, I just did that yesterday with my lover, which was hurtful. In the next days, I am also going to ask someone else to let me go, because I need to. So, I am experiencing both sides of the problem.

Now, if your lover tells you he's not happy with you, why on earth would you want to force him to stay? It might be better to let him go so that he finds happiness with another person, and so that you can find your own happiness. Forcing love doesn't work.

Finally, I think all of this is not a question of selfishness, mainly one of honesty.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Despite the many interesting things that several people have said here, I regard the discussion of Love (as of Truth) to be a largely wasteful one. These are such vast and amorphous subjects that all the statements that can be made about them can neither be proven nor disproven. How much more useful it would be if we addressed ourselves to specifics, such as "My love for X" has taught me the following, has brought me this or that...

For instance, in my love for Sweets I have experienced a more happy, more free and - if I may be immodest - more generous side of myself than I generally know. I might generalize from that and say that that is one meaure of capital L Love. But I have had other loves in which I thrived on the agony of them and possibly consoled myself by saying that out of that I've produced a bitter poem or two.

Should one 'sacrifice' for love? No! Not if that sacrifice makes one a less moral, less admirable person than one's lover deserves. I have had lovers in the past who were jealous of my purely platonic but valued friendships with other women. Would I have given up one of those friendships to placate my lover? NO.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Of course it goes without saying that a certain person is sure to have the last word on this!

[Sweets America]

Despite the many interesting things that several people have said here, I regard the discussion of Love (as of Truth) to be a largely wasteful one. These are such vast and amorphous subjects that all the statements that can be made about them can neither be proven nor disproven. How much more useful it would be if we addressed ourselves to specifics, such as "My love for X" has taught me the following, has brought me this or that...

For instance, in my love for Sweets I have experienced a more happy, more free and - if I may be immodest - more generous side of myself than I generally know. I might generalize from that and say that that is one meaure of capital L Love. But I have had other loves in which I thrived on the agony of them and possibly consoled myself by saying that out of that I've produced a bitter poem or two.

Should one 'sacrifice' for love? No! Not if that sacrifice makes one a less moral, less admirable person than one's lover deserves. I have had lovers in the past who were jealous of my purely platonic but valued friendships with other women. Would I have given up one of those friendships to placate my lover? NO.

I disagree with the fact that the question of Love is a wasteful one just because there is no definite answer. I personally think that the most interesting questions are especially those that have no answers. It's so great to spend hours discussing such things! We don't care if it's proven or disproven, because if we could prove those things, there would be no discussion anymore and the subject would lose interest and mystery.

Yes, sometimes we can infer things from our own experience, but at other times, we can imagine how it could be for the others. This is why I said that it's all a matter of choice. I can understand what Pensive says, but it just does not correspond to what I would do. Pensive and I just do not start thinking on the same basis. I don't think that one should generalize from his/her own experience. This experience can only be added to all the other ones that exist in the genaral subject of Love.

Sometimes there are sacrifices which are made for love. It's ok as long as the person does not regret it. It's perfectly understandable that you didn't want to give up your friends because of your lover, and it was your lover who had to adapt to the situation. But sometimes compromises have to be made. It's 50/50. One has to find the person who matches his/her conception of things. I agree that if one person abandons everything to follow the other, then it's not 50/50 anymore, but that is not a problem as long as the person is ok to do that.

[Sweets America]

Of course it goes without saying that a certain person is sure to have the last word on this!

Do you know what discussion and debate mean?

[Pensive]

Now, if your lover tells you he's not happy with you, why on earth would you want to force him to stay? It might be better to let him go so that he finds happiness with another person, and so that you can find your own happiness. Forcing love doesn't work.

Right, we can't force anybody into loving us but I don't think that the idea of a human-being changing colours like a chameleon is very comfortable either. And yes, personally I would feel mad on that. At one moment he loves someone, and at the other moment he is going towards some other person claiming that he has found a better person, unaware that his ex-girlfriend is having her life deteriorated. Perhaps it's my Asian values here which are speaking but I feel that commitment matters a lot. And we are committed to various members in our society, in different ways of course, but we are. And at that times our love for a specific person can make us forget our responsibilities towards others.


Despite the many interesting things that several people have said here, I regard the discussion of Love (as of Truth) to be a largely wasteful one.

It might have no conclusion but then again don't we discuss things like 'what's your favourite book' or 'what kind of music do you like?' These discussions don't probably make that book/kind of music the best of all but they do tell about different people's opinions about things. Like here with Sweets America, my views differ but we are getting to know how people can think in a different way from us. And I am okay with that and I hope this thread wouldn't turn into a battle-ground despite of the differences in opinions. :p

[Sweets America]

Right, we can't force anybody into loving us but I don't think that the idea of a human-being changing colours like a chameleon is very comfortable either. And yes, personally I would feel mad on that. At one moment he loves someone, and at the other moment he is going towards some other person claiming that he has found a better person, unaware that his ex-girlfriend is having her life deteriorated. Perhaps it's my Asian values here which are speaking but I feel that commitment matters a lot. And we are committed to various members in our society, in different ways of course, but we are. And at that times our love for a specific person can make us forget our responsibilities towards others.



It might have no conclusion but then again don't we discuss things like 'what's your favourite book' or 'what kind of music do you like?' These discussions don't probably make that book/kind of music the best of all but they do tell about different people's opinions about things. Like here with Sweets America, my views differ but we are getting to know how people can think in a different way from us. And I am okay with that and I hope this thread wouldn't turn into a battle-ground despite of the differences in opinions. :p

Yes, I see what you mean about people changing their minds suddenly. But, sometimes life is strange and you cannot promise someone that you will love him or her all your life. Or maybe that happens sometimes, that people are sure that they have found their true love, I guess it can happen. I could not make such promises, because promises are extremely important to me and I would hate breaking a promise that I've made. Though, if I cannot promise I will love someone all my life, I can however tell him that I feel and hope that I will love him all my life. There is a slight difference here. We never know what will happen in the future. The most important is that the two lovers have the hope that the love will last, and nourish this hope everyday.

Yes, when a lover breaks up with the other, the other is destroyed, but that is not a reason to have the first person staying in a relationship he's not or no longer happy with. Do you think we should force ourselves to stay with someone just to spare his/her feelings? To me, that would not be honest at all, and that would be unfair towards the person, because in breaking up with him/her, we give him/her a chance to recover and finally find someone who will love her in a deeper way. Yes, commitment matters a lot, but human beings are not simple. Feelings are not simple. I would never be dishonest with someone in making him believe that I am happy with him if I'm not. I respect my loved ones too much for that. I would feel like a cheater.

That is interesting, what you say about your Asian values. Maybe that can explain some differences of opinions?

I agree with your last paragraph, and I love discussing with people who do not share my views. In no way I want to impose my views on them.:)

[PrinceMyshkin]

I would like to suggest two, diametrically opposed concepts of the erotic/romantic ideal:

1) The Opposites attract or Constant Tittilation: That one loves with absolute respect for the autonomy of the other and total fascination with what is other in him or her. This envisions a lifetime of stimulation, challenge, provocation - even the occasional passionate conflict.

2) The Clone or Comfort approach: One desires someone who is as much like oneself as possible, who believes (or disbelieves) in the same God, the same music, films, politics, food &c. One’s goal is as much security and stability as possible.

[TheFifthElement]

Right, we can't force anybody into loving us but I don't think that the idea of a human-being changing colours like a chameleon is very comfortable either. And yes, personally I would feel mad on that. At one moment he loves someone, and at the other moment he is going towards some other person claiming that he has found a better person, unaware that his ex-girlfriend is having her life deteriorated.

Pensive, you're right, but what you are describing is desire, not love. If you love someone then you hand them your trust, they hand you theirs, and you trust in each other not to do things, or act in a way that is detrimental to the happiness of the other. So the situation you have described, where someone is asked to give up everything for the other is not love. When you truly love someone you would give up everything for that person, but likewise they would not ask you to. Your highest goal is their happiness, nothing comes before this. But you're right, it must be balanced, both must love in the same way.

You're also right that love changes a person, and rightly so! It doesn't have to mean something bad. I have been lucky enough to have three great loves in my life 1) my husband 2) my son and 3) my daughter. The one which had the greatest affect on me, and changed me most was no. 2 because the love of a parent for a child can, and must, outweigh any other kind of love, and the first experience of this is mind blowing. I would still give up everything, even no. 1, if it was in the best interests of no's 2 & 3, absolutely and without question.

[Sweets America]

I would like to suggest two, diametrically opposed concepts of the erotic/romantic ideal:

1) The Opposites attract or Constant Tittilation: That one loves with absolute respect for the autonomy of the other and total fascination with what is other in him or her. This envisions a lifetime of stimulation, challenge, provocation - even the occasional passionate conflict.

2) The Clone or Comfort approach: One desires someone who is as much like oneself as possible, who believes (or disbelieves) in the same God, the same music, films, politics, food &c. One’s goal is as much security and stability as possible.

That's quite true, but maybe there are other choices.
I'm for the second one.:) Because the common points are great. And I know that even with a lot of common point, there will always be some differences which will stimulate the relationship. :D

[Granny5]

Pensive, you are so right. Commitment is so important. It’s the glue that holds a relationship together. I believe that if there is no commitment in a relationship, it is doomed.

Sweets, as for telling someone that you will love them for the rest of your life, it does happen. That’s commitment.

Prince, I love choice #1 with a little #2 mixed in.

And romantic love isn’t evil, just some of the fickle people who claim to be in love are. Well, maybe not evil, but certainly not mature enough to commit to love. If someone is in love with someone and others don’t accept that love, then it’s not their love that is flawed, it’s the love the others have. Like if a Mother tells her son she won’t love him(or will be mad at him) if he chooses the girl she doesn’t like, then the Mother’s love is flawed. A mother may not like the girl, but she would accept the happiness of her son anyway (believe me, I know from experience!). It doesn’t mean the mother has to love the girl, but she has to accept her as her son’s choice.

[ennison]

All things can be spoiled - including love.
The Christian tradition distinguishes between different kinds of love as it has already been distinguished by the old Greeks or should that be geeks?

[Sweets America]

Pensive, you are so right. Commitment is so important. It’s the glue that holds a relationship together. I believe that if there is no commitment in a relationship, it is doomed.

Sweets, as for telling someone that you will love them for the rest of your life, it does happen. That’s commitment.

Prince, I love choice #1 with a little #2 mixed in.

And romantic love isn’t evil, just some of the fickle people who claim to be in love are. Well, maybe not evil, but certainly not mature enough to commit to love. If someone is in love with someone and others don’t accept that love, then it’s not their love that is flawed, it’s the love the others have. Like if a Mother tells her son she won’t love him(or will be mad at him) if he chooses the girl she doesn’t like, then the Mother’s love is flawed. A mother may not like the girl, but she would accept the happiness of her son anyway (believe me, I know from experience!). It doesn’t mean the mother has to love the girl, but she has to accept her as her son’s choice.

Sandy, I understand what you mean about commitment, I just think it is impossible to be sure that you are going to spend all your life with someone. It is possible to feel it, to feel that you know you love this person and you never want to love anyone else. But, I mean that since we never know what can happen in life, I would feel bad about making a promise that some life events could break. I cannot promise anyone that I will love him in 30 years from now. I can only tell him that I want to love him in 30 years. That it seems impossible to me to be with anyone else in 30 years. But, I cannot promise that will happen.
That would not be honest, because how can anyone promise that something will happen in a time that does not exist yet?

[PrinceMyshkin]

I cannot promise anyone that I will love him in 30 years from now. I can only tell him that I want to love him in 30 years.

That seems to me to be a wise and honourable distinction.

[Granny5]

But, Sweets, if it is real, true love, and I guess we really never know for sure that it is, how can one NOT commit the rest of one's life to that person? I don't know, but it's the only thing I could do with Poppy. And, because we have both been commited to our life, family, and each other, we have worked very hard at making our love stay fresh and alive. I think it's just too easy for some to take the easy way out...it's very hard work, a lot of give and take, lots of sleepless nights. But gosh it's been worth it.

[Oniw17]

These are such vast and amorphous subjects that all the statements that can be made about them can neither be proven nor disproven.
Like everything subjective.

Okay guys. Was listening to some songs and nearly in every there was a mention of how the person was ready to leave the world and everyone else for the one he desired umm romantically. I did feel pity for the person (though somewhere my brain says I shouldn't) but anger as well. I mean come on, are there not other people he associate with? Are there not people who care for him? He is there babbling about not getting the one he loves, and on the other hand there are others counting on him as well. No doubt, there is an old saying that goes something like this, "Romantic love is dangerous, and selfish than any other." I feel like agreeing with it. And it (especially in a situation I mentioned above), it seems it's evil which is teaching one to treat people like things, not caring for the emotions of others who care for him and those he owes a lot.

Well, this is a song but in real life I have seen this happening as well. So do you feel pity for such people who are ready to separate from all others (parents, siblings, friends, etc) they say they love for the sake of the one they romantically care for? (I wonder if I am the only one who gets mad on it!)

And don't you think such romantic love is evil? :(
I don't think this type of love is evil, and I don't pity those people. First of all, anybody who would willingly die(which is different from accepting death) is an idiot in my opinion. As far as leaving their family and friends or whatever, I can't see anything wrong with that honestly. Though I care for nothing more for my siblings than anything and I value certain friendships, I would leave them tomorrow if I had the means to, just because it feels ridiculously good to start a new phase of your life. As far as love and all that... it is what it is.

[Sweets America]

But, Sweets, if it is real, true love, and I guess we really never know for sure that it is, how can one NOT commit the rest of one's life to that person? I don't know, but it's the only thing I could do with Poppy. And, because we have both been commited to our life, family, and each other, we have worked very hard at making our love stay fresh and alive. I think it's just too easy for some to take the easy way out...it's very hard work, a lot of give and take, lots of sleepless nights. But gosh it's been worth it.

I know what you mean, I really understand, but what I mean is only that the future is not predictable in advance. If I really love a person, I cannot promise anything to this person because making a promise about what is going to happen in 30 years would really not be honest, towards the person as well as towards myself. I can only promise that I WANT it to happen and that I will work very hard for it to happen, but I cannot promise any definitive result. The future does not only depend on me. What if, for instance, I promised a lover to be with him in 30 years, and I died tomorrow? That would break my promise. If I really respect someone, I have to be careful with what I promise. I believe in true love, I believe in the possibility that a person can have only one true love in his/her life. It has not happened to me since I've had two lovers until now, but that does not mean that I don't believe it can happen to others.
But, I don't know, promises are sacred to me, and I would hate to break one. I would love marrying someone, but even in marriage, I cannot promise that I will still be with the person in 30 years. I can only promise that I am unifying my life to the person's, and that my love is very strong, and that I choose to be with this person. Then, we will see day by day, and we'll stay together for the length of time that suits both of us.
There are promises I can make, like promising to never cheat on the person. This is part of my desire to be honest. I promise that if someday I feel something for someone else, I will then discuss it with my lover.
That's a very complicated question. I really know what you mean and I think that is very beautiful. I am sure you know deeply that you love Poppy, and that you knew it from the very beginning. In your case, the future has confirmed your desire and feelings. So, if you have made a promise, then you have not broken it. But I believe there are cases when the future does not go towards the same direction as the desires. Human beings are not predictable in advance. It's not a matter of taking the easy way out. It's a matter of thinking deeply before promising anything. It's a matter of promising only what I can honestly promise.
I think I prefer living day by day, experiencing love day by day, and building the future at every second that passes. I will experience the future only when it has become the present.


Like everything subjective.

I don't think this type of love is evil, and I don't pity those people. First of all, anybody who would willingly die(which is different from accepting death) is an idiot in my opinion. As far as leaving their family and friends or whatever, I can't see anything wrong with that honestly. Though I care for nothing more for my siblings than anything and I value certain friendships, I would leave them tomorrow if I had the means to, just because it feels ridiculously good to start a new phase of your life. As far as love and all that... it is what it is.

I think you are quite judgemental when you say that anyone who would willingly die is an idiot. Some people have such a harsh life that death sometimes seems to be the only solution. It might not be the only solution, but some people feel it at some point, when there is no one to help them and they cannot help themselves anymore. And, if you call them idiots, that might not help either.

[ReynardtheFox]

To paraphrase Goethe:

Love is ideal, marriage is real, and confusion of the two will never go unpunished.