Love makes us choke

[Sweets America]

Love makes us choke
When we struggle and flail around
To keep our heads above water
And survive by breathing vitriolic air
From the lungs of another.

When eyes are dead,
And there is nothing left to watch,
I’ll stare at your heart
From other eyes
That usually cannot see.

I’ll tell you some nonsense
You’ll answer with a nod,
Before we drown,
In dark brown skies,
Smiling
At absurdity.

[blazeofglory]

Living like a robot
In a world of artifices
We lost our capacities for beauty and love

Indeed we see things, the beauty of a rose
From a borrowed eye
We have already idea of the beauty

We indeed see things, but veneers of them
We are not ourselves,

We have so many ideas that have stuffed our heads with
And our bodies are too
We are too much ornamented, jeweled.
Can not our bodies, bare bodies be objects of perfect beauty?

Heaping us with possessions can not enable you to enjoy them
What is the use of sweets when you have already lost your appetite?

[symphony]

I'm not sure about the 3rd stanza, but i'm awed by the 1st and 2nd.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Love makes us choke
When we struggle and flail around
To keep our heads above water
And survive by breathing vitriolic air
From the lungs of another.

When eyes are dead,
And there is nothing left to watch,
I’ll stare at your heart
From other eyes
That usually cannot see.

I’ll tell you some nonsense
You’ll answer with a nod,
Before we drown,
In dark brown skies,
Smiling
At absurdity.

Too sad, I thought at first, having some idea of the biographical circumstances of this poem, but I believe (would like to believe?) that in that last stanza, in that concept of "smiling / at absurdity" I prefer to believe that there is something of the intellectual/emotional strength and courage that I have come to know in you.

And after all, there is a saying among the people you have renounced that "Life is a tragedy to those who feel and a comedy to those who think." I wonder perhaps if despite your precocious wisdom, at your age you have yet to allow the full dark laughter at la comedie humaine.

[Sweets America]

Blazeofglory, thanks again for your poem. You always have the right poem to use as an answer! :) I especially love the last line.

Symphony, just like you, I have a preference for the first and second stanzas. I like the ending of my poem, though. Thanks for your comment. :thumbs_up

Ah, Jerry....
Yes, my poem is sad, but it also conveys some hope. Especially in the second stanza, where I say that even when we think there is nothing left to see, we can always find something, maybe something that we had not noticed before. It's a desire to grasp something, a last chance, the last leftovers of love.
The last stanza is more about a death of the spirit. It's about being totally lost, and confused. Because the hurt is too hard, the speakers just stop fighting and let themselves die emotionally. But, in this form of death is also some peace, strangely. This is were the smile comes from.

[manny2]

i like the words you chose, very descriptive.

[Pendragon]

Broken hearts carefully mended
Panes of stained-glassed inserted carefully
To seal the zigzag rent
Made by the pain of being forced to
Finally drift apart…

The lights gone out within the windows
Candles snuffed by cold winds of perceived rejection,
Sitting in the emptiness and darkness
Only serves to fuel the anguished heat of your pain—
Light the lanterns again…

Nothing that the heart ever has to say is worthless,
Seeds sown must find their own ground to grow—
They shall blossom in the Early Springtime in full beauty—
For the moment skies are grey and lowering—
Hope is never gone—
Hang on…

Pendragon
10/29/07

[mazHur]

a good shot!

[Sweets America]

Thank you, Manny2 and MazHur.
Pen, thank you very much for this thoughtful addition. Much appreciated. Thank you.