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Lote-Tree
10-10-2007, 10:52 AM
Duty

Here it is always empty,
Always without a hope.
Into the screen you stare,
While the Mind goes wandering
Somewhere beyond the rooms,
Freeing itself of all burdens,
All limitations and like summer clouds
Raises itself from all gloom and despair
And journeys on through time and history,
Through art and philosophy,
Through silences and conversations,
Seeking out moments of joy and laughter,
In the ruins of the vast storehouse
Of the experiences of life.

Why is it that I suffer this unbearable loneliness?
This neither here nor there,
This neither going nor leaving?
Stuck like an insect in a spiders web,
Unable to free myself, unable to cry aloud
For help?
Always struggling, always
Forced to accept this burden, this heavy
Weight of sadness that hangs around my neck
Like a hangman’s noose.
Why is not possible for me to abandon
All this and start again and again?
From the very beginning to the very last?
To be able to freeze a moment in time
And with every joy in my heart experience it again
Anew?
To be able to forget about today or tomorrow
Or yesterday in the past and live care free
Like summer daffodil blooms in the breeze
Or like the rays of the sun embark on a
Million-year a journey across vastness of Space and Time
Seeking out worlds of wonder
Or fall from the sky like the monsoon rain
And gather myself in little pools of crystal clear waters
Where insects dance on the surface in the midday sun.
To be able to come and go
At the blink of an eye,
To be able to
Just “BE” and not “BE”.

Today my head hurts, at the back
I feel certain pressure and
Waves of pain radiate out from the centre
And my neck becomes stiff.
But why am I here in this derelict of an existence?
To be with with people who despise you,
And you in turn try hard as you can
To be nice, pleasant and agreeable
To those that hate you.
And in the end you always fail, always
Break down in tears that others can’t see.

Why do we have to suffer at the hands of others?
And they that have the power to hurt
and they do.
They that have the power to mock
and they do.
They that have the power to demean and degrade
and they do.

Why not freedom from all this,
Why not Joy in the existence itself,
Why not like the wind be here and there
Go where we desire or wander like the stars
Across the heavens?

Restrictions you say.
Human beings need boundaries you say.
We need a certain limit that that cannot be broken or breached.
We need barriers you say, need restraint,
Need gravity to stop us flying out into space
Or collapsing inwardly
Towards the centre of our being.
We need order you say
We have duty you say
We have responsibility you say.
We have have have...
And bow my head and stare blankly at
The screen again while the Mind goes wandering elsewhere...

Pendragon
10-10-2007, 11:09 AM
Powerful, Lote. Sounds like one of my poems. Sad but strongly written.

Granny5
10-10-2007, 11:16 AM
Lote, this is very powerful and, as Pen said, sad. It shows a lot of emotion. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Virgil
10-10-2007, 11:16 AM
Lote, I see two halves to this poem. The first half is very good:

Here it is always empty,
Always without a hope.
Into the screen you stare,
While the Mind goes wandering
Somewhere beyond the rooms,
Freeing itself of all burdens,
All limitations and like summer clouds
Raises itself from all gloom and despair
And journeys on through time and history,
Through art and philosophy,
Through silences and conversations,
Seeking out moments of joy and laughter,
In the ruins of the vast storehouse
Of the experiences of life.

Why is it that I suffer this unbearable loneliness?
This neither here nor there,
This neither going nor leaving?
Stuck like an insect in a spiders web,
Unable to free myself, unable to cry aloud
For help?
Always struggling, always
Forced to accept this burden, this heavy
Weight of sadness that hangs around my neck
Like a hangman’s noose.
Why is not possible for me to abandon
All this and start again and again?
From the very beginning to the very last?
To be able to freeze a moment in time
And with every joy in my heart experience it again
Anew?
To be able to forget about today or tomorrow
Or yesterday in the past and live care free
Like summer daffodil blooms in the breeze
Or like the rays of the sun embark on a
Million-year a journey across vastness of Space and Time
Seeking out worlds of wonder
Or fall from the sky like the monsoon rain
And gather myself in little pools of crystal clear waters
Where insects dance on the surface in the midday sun.
To be able to come and go
At the blink of an eye,
To be able to
Just “BE” and not “BE”.

I think the poem ends there. The rest to me is both superflous and mundane. I don't see much poetry in that second half. But the first half is quite rich:

Into the screen you stare,
While the Mind goes wandering
Somewhere beyond the rooms,
Freeing itself of all burdens,
All limitations and like summer clouds
Raises itself from all gloom and despair
And journeys on through time and history and


Stuck like an insect in a spiders web,
Unable to free myself, unable to cry aloud
For help?
Always struggling, always
Forced to accept this burden, this heavy
Weight of sadness
I would however change the "that hangs around my neck/Like a hangman’s noose." I'm afraid a common cliche.
And I especially liked this sparkling passage:

To be able to forget about today or tomorrow
Or yesterday in the past and live care free
Like summer daffodil blooms in the breeze
Or like the rays of the sun embark on a
Million-year a journey across vastness of Space and Time
Seeking out worlds of wonder
Or fall from the sky like the monsoon rain
And gather myself in little pools of crystal clear waters
Where insects dance on the surface in the midday sun.

That's my opinion. Hope I helped. I enjoyed it. Yes, and i know how that (the burdens of duty) feels.

AuntShecky
10-10-2007, 11:29 AM
I'm not being flippant, Lote-Tree, so please accept the following comment in the spirit that it was given:

did you know that the English word "duty"
comes from an Indo-European root that means "to defecate." For real! Think about that, and how military drumbeaters always call on soldiers to do their "duty." Not to mention mothers of toddlers.

Lote-Tree
10-10-2007, 12:35 PM
Powerful, Lote. Sounds like one of my poems. Sad but strongly written.


Lote, this is very powerful and, as Pen said, sad. It shows a lot of emotion. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Thanks Gran and Pen.


That's my opinion. Hope I helped. I enjoyed it. Yes, and i know how that (the burdens of duty) feels.

Thanks Virgil. I am surprised that you liked it :D

And you are right the poem does feel it is in two halves...


I'm not being flippant, Lote-Tree, so please accept the following comment in the spirit that it was given:

did you know that the English word "duty"
comes from an Indo-European root that means "to defecate." For real! Think about that, and how military drumbeaters always call on soldiers to do their "duty." Not to mention mothers of toddlers.

He he :D Aunty thanks for that tid bit :D I have no idea of the etymology of this word but now I know :D

Virgil
10-10-2007, 01:06 PM
I'm not being flippant, Lote-Tree, so please accept the following comment in the spirit that it was given:

did you know that the English word "duty"
comes from an Indo-European root that means "to defecate." For real! Think about that, and how military drumbeaters always call on soldiers to do their "duty." Not to mention mothers of toddlers.

That is interesting. I've been reading up on Indo-European lately. Do you have the actual word in I-E that traces to "duty"?

On a side note, you may claim you aren't being flippant, but you are. :)

jon1jt
10-11-2007, 01:46 AM
the poem has a nice sentiment, lote, but it's way too long and repetitive.

Lote-Tree
10-11-2007, 07:42 AM
the poem has a nice sentiment, lote, but it's way too long and repetitive.

I have shortened it for you jon :D



Here it is always empty,
Always without a hope.
Into the screen you stare,
While the Mind goes wandering
Somewhere beyond the rooms,
Freeing itself of all burdens,
All limitations and like summer clouds
Raises itself from all gloom and despair
And journeys on through time and history,
Through art and philosophy,
Through silences and conversations,
Seeking out moments of joy and laughter,
In the ruins of the vast storehouse
Of the experiences of life.

Why is it that I suffer this unbearable loneliness?
This neither here nor there,
This neither going nor leaving?
Stuck like an insect in a spiders web,
Unable to free myself, unable to cry aloud
For help?
Always struggling, always
Forced to accept this burden, this heavy
Weight of sadness that hangs around my neck
Like a hangman’s noose.
Why is not possible for me to abandon
All this and start again and again?
From the very beginning to the very last?
To be able to freeze a moment in time
And with every joy in my heart experience it again
Anew?
To be able to forget about today or tomorrow
Or yesterday in the past and live care free
Like summer daffodil blooms in the breeze
Or like the rays of the sun embark on a
Million-year a journey across vastness of Space and Time
Seeking out worlds of wonder
Or fall from the sky like the monsoon rain
And gather myself in little pools of crystal clear waters
Where insects dance on the surface in the midday sun.
To be able to come and go
At the blink of an eye,
To be able to
Just “BE” and not “BE”.

Granny5
10-11-2007, 08:44 AM
This version is great, Lote.

Pensive
10-11-2007, 01:46 PM
I liked reading it. Very strong!

Lote-Tree
10-11-2007, 02:12 PM
I liked reading it. Very strong!

Thanks Pensive - the short version or the long version? :D

Pensive
10-13-2007, 02:59 AM
Thanks Pensive - the short version or the long version? :D

I read the longer version.

SleepyWitch
10-13-2007, 03:52 AM
I like the short version better. I wouldn't call the second half superfluous or mundane, but it does kinda spoil the whole thing

CdnReader
10-13-2007, 04:19 AM
I much prefer the shorter version, L-T.... and I particularly love these lines.... :)


Seeking out worlds of wonder
Or fall from the sky like the monsoon rain
And gather myself in little pools of crystal clear waters
Where insects dance on the surface in the midday sun.

Lote-Tree
10-13-2007, 06:31 AM
I like the short version better. I wouldn't call the second half superfluous or mundane, but it does kinda spoil the whole thing

Ah thanks Sleepy :D


I much prefer the shorter version, L-T.... and I particularly love these lines.... :)

Shorter version it is :D

PrinceMyshkin
10-13-2007, 07:56 AM
Apropos your last line: "To be is a blessing. To live is holy." AJ Heschel.