Forever lost in an air of transparency

[RPMI]

Forever lost in an air of transparency

Holding you would be a hope too much,
As your beauty hits me with a gracious touch.
Hearted hair flowing so boldly taunts
As far as the ghost of memory haunts.

Feeling of fervency twists and twines.
A mind composed of frigid steel
Reluctantly reserved under the moonlit pines;
Broken by an unsoiled, loving, seal.

Packed all thoughts and turned away,
Forever wanting to stop and stay.
But there’s no way to say
To you the thoughts of the heart.

The urge to melt the ice...
Only comes through a courageous roll of the dice.



Should i keep this to myself or give it to the girl i initially intended to? :blush:

[littlewing53]

great stuff rpmi, it's a lovely poem...i would not mind being on the receiving end of this gift...lw

[RPMI]

Hey thanks :) I doubt I ever will send it to who its for though. :(

[Xcape]

I think you should give it to the girl that it was intended for.

[RPMI]

Thanks, your reply is much appriciated.

[Xillus_Xavier]

Great poem RPMI
The one this poem was written for should read it

[RPMI]

Might make some ammendments to it. I don't know if i should anymore to be honest. Ah well, hope you all liked it.

[CdnReader]

Forever lost in an air of transparency

Holding you would be a hope too much,
As your beauty hits me with a gracious touch.
Hearted hair flowing so boldly taunts
As far as the ghost of memory haunts.

Feeling of fervency twists and twines.
A mind composed of frigid steel
Reluctantly reserved under the moonlit pines;
Broken by an unsoiled, loving, seal.

Packed all thoughts and turned away,
Forever wanting to stop and stay.
But there’s no way to say
To you the thoughts of the heart.

The urge to melt the ice...
Only comes through a courageous roll of the dice.



Should i keep this to myself or give it to the girl i initially intended to? :blush:

This is lovely, RPMI. Whyever would you NOT give this to her? ;)

[RPMI]

Because I look at it and don't really think its very good, she might just laugh or something.

[CdnReader]

Well, I think it IS very good, and offering it to her may reveal much about who you are and who she is too. Revealing one's vulnerabilities under these circumstances is always tough, but somebody has to go first. ;)

[Xcape]

Because I look at it and don't really think its very good, she might just laugh or something.

Dice is in your hands boy, roll. ;)

[RPMI]

Yeah thats the problem.

[RPMI]

Well, I think it IS very good, and offering it to her may reveal much about who you are and who she is too. Revealing one's vulnerabilities under these circumstances is always tough, but somebody has to go first. ;)

Hey thanks a lot for this message, its made me think more in depth about things.

[RPMI]

Dice is in your hands boy, roll. ;)

That was clever ;) :D

[RPMI]

Any more opinions people? Any comments on the poem itself?

[Sweets America]

Kev, I really think you should give her. I know it must be very difficult, but it might be even worse to wonder what would have happened if you had given her.
The poem is lovely. I love the last lines!
Go! Go! Go!!

[RPMI]

I don't like it anymore lol. The poem doens't sound quite right, and if i feel that then she might think the same. Thanks for your reply. I'd rather not give her it if i was going to get a really bad response. :(

[Sweets America]

I don't like it anymore lol. The poem doens't sound quite right, and if i feel that then she might think the same. Thanks for your reply. I'd rather not give her it if i was going to get a really bad response. :(

Oh.:(
At your place I would be scared to give her too, that's for sure.
Don't be harsh on yourself, I liked your poem. And other people did as well.
I'll try to cheer you up next time I write to you, ok?

[andave_ya]

Speaking as a girl, this is really nice! The tone is slow and reflective; shows that you're sincere.

[mazHur]

This is lovely, RPMI. Whyever would you NOT give this to her? ;)

never heard this before: ''frigid steel''---lovely

[ampoule]

Forever lost in an air of transparency

Holding you would be a hope too much,
As your beauty hits me with a gracious touch.
Hearted hair flowing so boldly taunts
As far as the ghost of memory haunts.

Feeling of fervency twists and twines.
A mind composed of frigid steel
Reluctantly reserved under the moonlit pines;
Broken by an unsoiled, loving, seal.

Packed all thoughts and turned away,
Forever wanting to stop and stay.
But there’s no way to say
To you the thoughts of the heart.

The urge to melt the ice...
Only comes through a courageous roll of the dice.



Should i keep this to myself or give it to the girl i initially intended to? :blush:

I think the poem itself is quite lovely. It was not sing songy and I didn't even notice the rhyme at first and then it didn't seem the rhyme scheme followed from verse to verse but maybe that WAS the scheme. I am not a critic. I just know how things make me feel.

So, what did you ever decide to do?

I think if you give a poem, you must give it freely, like a gift, not expecting anything in return. I wrote one about a man once and our relationship. I probably wrote it in attack mode but I gave it to him. He loves that poem. He called just the other night and read it to me, again.

[Sweets America]

I wonder what Kev (RPMI) has become. :confused:
He was very busy with work the last time we talked, and I think he had decided not to give the poem to the girl in question.