will you?

[CdnReader]

.

will you?

when the heart has healed
and the memories have drifted off
and the edges have softened
into gentle ghosts

can you see yourself
will you let yourself
do you remember how
to choose love
again?

.
cdn/14apr06
.

[PrinceMyshkin]

.

will you?

when the heart has healed
and the memories have drifted off
and the edges have softened
into gentle ghosts

can you see yourself
will you let yourself
do you remember how
to choose love
again?

.
cdn/14apr06
.

I love the first verse, the imagistic quality of it but feel that here as in a number of others, you've rushed to a conclusion and one that turns from poetry to rhetoric.

[Pendragon]

I'm going to have to go with Jerry on this one, CDN. After that first stanza, too much is missing to draw the conclusion of the second stanza. The first stanza is immeasurably haunting, and rivets the reader, who then hits the second stanza like a crash test dummy hits the wall. "You mean that's it?", was my reaction. Build on the foundation laid down in the first stanza.

You'll do us all proud!

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Four/yoda.gif

[CdnReader]

Thanks, guys. This one goes back in the "needs-more-work" pile. :)

[symphony]

and i'm sure with a bit more of your touch, it'll be shining in no time. ;)

[CdnReader]

Thanks for your vote of confidence, Symph. (Love your new fall avatar.) :)