A Perfect Moment

[TheFifthElement]

A Perfect Moment

I love it
when you stand behind me
with your hands
on my hips,
and I can feel you
(but not see you),
a solid presence,
warm and strong
connecting me
to this
moment,
and I wonder
can you hear
my heart
beating
a little harder;
can you feel me
waiting,
anticipating
your next move;
and can you sense
my disappointment
as you move
away,
and it ends
(as it always does),

until next time?

[CdnReader]

Life is all about those moments. String enough of them together and you have not only a perfect life, but also a perfect poem. Nicely done, Fifth.

[TheFifthElement]

Thanks Cdn. This one was inspired by a dream which I was sad to wake up from, but gladly sometimes dreams can be mirrored in reality.

[Lote-Tree]

I love this poem Supreme Being...

[TheFifthElement]

I love this poem Supreme Being...


Thank you Lote :D

[Granny5]

Fifth, this is beautiful. I love the feelings you've described. They do usually walk away just at the wrong moment, don't they? But it's thrilling while they are there.

[firefangled]

Leeloo I really like this one. I like the way you structured it to slow it down as would time be slowed down in a perfect moment.

One suggestion would be to lose (but not see you). I think that is very well understood the way you have the reader visualize what is happening.

And I would remove the parenthesis around "as it always does." The poem doesn't need them.

Excellent.

[TheFifthElement]

Thanks Granny :)

Firefangled, thank you for the suggestions, I think you're absolutely right.

[symphony]

nice one, fifth. :thumbs_up

[dibyendra]

Lovely poem Fifth :). I enjoyed reading this one with imagination. ;)

[Pendragon]

By now you don't need me to tell you that you can write, Fifth. You always amaze me with these condensed columns of emotion. How you manage to say so much with so few words is utterly awesome!

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Four/DustBunny.gif

[Xillus_Xavier]

I really liked this poem :thumbs_up

[TheFifthElement]

I really liked this poem :thumbs_up

Thank you Xillus & welcome to Lit-net


Lovely poem Fifth :). I enjoyed reading this one with imagination. ;)

I like you're thinking dibyendra ;) . I hadn't thought of the poem in those terms, but I'm glad you did!


By now you don't need me to tell you that you can write, Fifth. You always amaze me with these condensed columns of emotion. How you manage to say so much with so few words is utterly awesome!

But I do need you Pen, I do, I do!! Thank you so much for this, and for the white rabbit (well, you did ask!)

[blazeofglory]

A Perfect Moment

I love it
when you stand behind me
with your hands
on my hips,
and I can feel you
(but not see you),
a solid presence,
warm and strong
connecting me
to this
moment,
and I wonder
can you hear
my heart
beating
a little harder;
can you feel me
waiting,
anticipating
your next move;
and can you sense
my disappointment
as you move
away,
and it ends
(as it always does),

until next time?



This is indeed a marvelous poem. Simple yet very profound and of course there is a lot of things to draw from, a reservoir of ideas and imaginations indeed. This line is really appealing:

with your hands
on my hips,
and I can feel you
(but not see you),

Love might have begun with blood and flesh indeed. But ultimately it transcend this limit. Love now is very subtle. Love is in fact very subtle. The purest form of it is something that rises above sensual perceptions. It is universally linked. When you are overpowered by this kind of love even the touch of the breeze will be very powerful.

I do know that is what I understood of it. Indeed the understanding will be different from person to person.

[Demian]

I enjoyed this. It reminded me of Rumi. To Rumi, desire was not just a facet of life-but the very essence of life itself. If only we could all have more dreams like this...