The cracked pane of a church window

[symphony]

I really liked this topic given by Atiguhya Padma in the tanka-thread. Last night I was taking a break from the exam-flu and then decided to extend and change my earlier tanka into a poem. This is what came out.


The cracked pane of a church window

The broken edges of the glass
Embrace the early sunshine, and
Become diamond for a moment—
A diamond with a Mother Mary in its heart…
Another silver scratch
In the dusty church window
Goes right through her chest –
Like a lightning discerping
The newborn from her hands.
The silver specks of dust
Tries in vain to hide
The grief embedded on her eyes;
And the silver moon
Guiding the child, steals
Some of the early sun’s delight,
Becoming a sun itself
For a runaway second;
And yet its glow cant hide
The pain on her face,
Nor the ironic smile
Of holding God’s son
And not her own.

27 September '07.

[TheFifthElement]

Symphony, this is truly beautiful. What a pleasure to read first thing on a clear autumn morning. I loved these parts in particular :


The silver specks of dust
Tries in vain to hide
The grief embedded on her eyes;
And the crescent moon
Guiding the child, steals
Some of the early sun’s delight,
Becoming a sun itself


Nor the ironic smile
Of holding God’s son
And not her own.

Very touching indeed.

[CdnReader]

This is very pretty, Symph.... but I'm not sure about the word "discerping"?

[symphony]

i thought it means "severing"? i'm not sure though....

and by the way, what's that moon behind all angels/gods called? i'm out of that word. :(

[ampoule]

and by the way, what's that moon behind all angels/gods called? i'm out of that word. :(

Halo??

[Granny5]

Symphony, The image is very beautiful. Halo is what I "saw" as I was reading
"silver moon".

[firefangled]

Symphony, this is very well done, very perceptive details. I like it as much as Tree At My Window.

[symphony]

HALO! YEAH! Thanks!! Its so itchy when the word's running out of your mind... Thanks again amp, and granny.

Should i change the word to halo then? Does 'silver moon' sound too stupid?

[symphony]

Symphony, this is very well done, very perceptive details. I like it as much as Tree At My Window.

U mean u liked Tree at My Window? :D Its one of my favourite favourites! I'm attached to it somehow...

Anyway, thanks for commenting fire. :)

Oh and its Atiguhya Padma who is to be thanked for whatever image it creates, for as i said, it was he who gave the topic "The cracked pane of a church window" in the tanka-thread.

[Virgil]

I love it Symph. It seems you've almost captured a Renaissance Madonna painting in your poem. "A diamond with a Mother Mary in its heart…" is an interesting image. And then the following image:

Another silver scratch
In the dusty church window
Goes right through her chest –
Like a lightning discerping
The newborn from her hands.
The play of images on the diamond's heart followed by Mother Mary's heart interlocks everything through hearts. One comment though. I don't know what discerping means and it's not in my dictionary. What does it mean?

One criticism, and perhaps this is my preference. The word "embrace" in the second line doesn't ring right in my ear. The idiom is so common (abstract things seeming to embrace) that I think a more original phrasing can be found.

Love the conclusion though:

And yet its glow cant hide
The pain on her face,
Nor the ironic smile
Of holding God’s son
And not her own.
It captures the tension from the conflict of the divine and the human bound together.

[Granny5]

I like silver moon. But there are smarter brains than mine here to answer that.

[symphony]

Granny, i like silver moon too (the silver scratch, the silver dust, followed by the silver moon...) and think i'll keep it at that. Of course there are smarter brains than u or me, but why bother them with my not-so-smart poems? :D I like the things i like, and must use them, what d'ya say? ;)


Ah, and another frown at the word "discerp", I'm beginning to fear that I've invented it, though according to wordweb (i checked) it means "dividing into pieces". But i must also add- Wordweb seems to be the only service that didnt fail me. :(

[Granny5]

Wikipedia, everything2, and free dictionary all give the same defination.

[symphony]

It does exist then? yay! :D

[ahsiam]

i liked the poem very much. the way u showed the image, is wonderful.:)

[TheFifthElement]

I like it as it is symphony, silver moon and all. I'm not sure that changing it to halo would add anything, so I'm glad you're going to keep it as it is.

[gothic]

symphony,i must regret i reached here so late.the poem is....i think i've run out of the proper word again(as usual).i am glad to see your thoughts have taken a new turn.

[Pendragon]

Your poem makes us think CDN. These words are from a song I heard the Gaither Vocal Band do with The African Boys Choir:

"If coal can turn to diamond,
And sand can turn to pearl;
If a worm can turn into a butterfly--
Then Love can turn the World..."

I get from you poem that kind of message, look for anything long enough and find it you will...http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Four/yoda.gif

[symphony]

I like it as it is symphony, silver moon and all. I'm not sure that changing it to halo would add anything, so I'm glad you're going to keep it as it is.
Me too. ;)


the poem is....i think i've run out of the proper word again(as usual)
uhm...i dont have a good feeling about that word... is it good or bad?! dontcha play with me!


Your poem makes us think CDN. These words are from a song I heard the Gaither Vocal Band do with The African Boys Choir:

"If coal can turn to diamond,
And sand can turn to pearl;
If a worm can turn into a butterfly--
Then Love can turn the World..."

I get from you poem that kind of message, look for anything long enough and find it you will...http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Four/yoda.gif
CDN?? Anyway, thanks for commenting :p .

[gothic]

the word is ofcourse positive,sym.don't YOU play with me!

[Pendragon]

Me too. ;)


uhm...i dont have a good feeling about that word... is it good or bad?! dontcha play with me!


CDN?? Anyway, thanks for commenting :p .Said I not that when my age you reach... :blush: :blush: :blush: Sorry, Sy! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Four/yoda.gif

[symphony]

heheh! not a problem, uncle. *bow* ;)

[ampoule]

I hope you didn't think I was suggesting you use halo. I was only answering your question. I really like your poem just the way it is. I love looking at stained glass windows. Maybe your poem was only inspired by a phrase but you made it seem very real.
It was very good for me. ;)

[symphony]

I hope you didn't think I was suggesting you use halo. I was only answering your question. I really like your poem just the way it is. I love looking at stained glass windows. Maybe your poem was only inspired by a phrase but you made it seem very real.
It was very good for me. ;)

Nah i didnt think so. I knew exactly what u were saying (+ it was i who asked the question). I was just confused about the word while writing the poem and used 'silver moon', then it was my sister who raised the question (whether i meant the one behind the angels/gods) and i couldnt find the english word for it right then. But later it seemed silver moon doesnt sound so bad after all. As Fifth said earlier, 'halo' really doesnt add anything to the poem. So *shrug*. :)
Glad u liked it. (I like looking at windows too ;) esp. car windows :p )

[dibyendra]

Oh! I came here late to reply though I have already read a few days ago. It's so good to read this again out loud Symph ! Such a splendid poem ! Keep up your good work. :thumbs_up

[Stormy]

A beautiful, brilliant piece of art. Wow.
The imagery just superb, the whole write was just poetic genius.
Loved it!
Excellent work.

Stormy

[symphony]

Why thanks Stormy! :D

I was wondering why this is up again in the 1st page, when even my most recent one's gone down. :lol: This is a pleasant surprise, thank u.

And thanks to u too, dib. ;)