Invisible?

[BrokenHeart]

Am I invisible to everyone?
Does everyone just not care?
Or do people like to ignore me…
Pretending I’m not there?
Or…is it something placed upon me?
Is it how I’m supposed to live?
Is it some kind of karma?
Is it something that I did?
So I screamed and no one heard me.
I fell and no one came.
So I shut my mouth for good,
And I bottled up the pain.
But yet I’m still oblivious,
To everyone I hold dear,
Why can’t they just except me?
I need someone to be here...
-----------
what do u think for a first attempt?

[ampoule]

I think you have a nice rhyme scheme. Of course, I am troubled by your subject and hope you do not really feel this despondent.
Many times the people we seek to notice us are feeling invisible themselves and have nothing to give us. And it's definitely true that some are so selfishly desperate that they are totally blinded of the needs of others, especially the ones closest to them. Now I know that doesn't help or solve any problems but the most important thing is that you notice yourself. You are a gift and someone is going to get a very nice present someday.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Please don't feel that you're being condescended to, but I noticed your age and that is often as very difficult time when one is transitting from childhood into adulthood, two states that could hardly be more different. Be patient with yourself and with others. Note, as Ampoule so wisely states, that others your own age may feel as invisible as you do. They may be as shy as or even more shy than you are. It can be terrifying to approach someone else wanting no more than to offer them friendship, but there is hardly a man or woman alive who is not open to a friendly approach.

Yes, this poem is a very good first attempt.

[stephofthenight]

i think its amazing, and your not invisable keep your chin up doll. a lot of people admire you, and its amazing for a first attempt, very flowy...

steph

[dibyendra]

Am I invisible to everyone?
Does everyone just not care?
Or do people like to ignore me…
Pretending I’m not there?
Or…is it something placed upon me?
Is it how I’m supposed to live?
Is it some kind of karma?
Is it something that I did?
So I screamed and no one heard me.
I fell and no one came.
So I shut my mouth for good,
And I bottled up the pain.
But yet I’m still oblivious,
To everyone I hold dear,
Why can’t they just except me?
I need someone to be here...
-----------
what do u think for a first attempt?

I liked this one. :thumbs_up

[firefangled]

The amazing thing about this poem is the natural speech used to create it. There is not one strained word.

No, you are far from invisible. Write us another poem.

[Pendragon]

For a "first attempt" I'd say it sails like an eagle! Don't always write dark, though. Share the light as well!

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Appaluse.gif

[BrokenHeart]

I'm happy ya'll like it!! I will post another if ya'll want to honestly tell me what you think....?

[BrokenHeart]

Secrets
If I told you…you’d shy away
Hell I don’t even know to be honest
Why would you even want to stay?
Even if you promised?
Please…don’t ignore me and push me back
Or start rumors to make me cry…
Pitting me against my friends
With a bunch of pathetic lies
‘sticks and stones’ isn’t true
For every day it’ll be something new
The verbal scars you’ll come to see
Because your fear is hurting me
------------------
i'm writing another right now about my little brother b/c he's my happiness in life! hope ya'll like it, i know you know what the poem means Steph! i've told you.

[stephofthenight]

aww broken, it will be okay... im sorry doll. :bawling: i wish the world was a BIG peice of gum so you could always be happy :D :lol:

[BrokenHeart]

i like gum!! ^^
:D

aww broken, it will be okay... im sorry doll. :bawling: i wish the world was a BIG peice of gum so you could always be happy :D :lol:

[Pendragon]

Secrets
If I told you…you’d shy away
Hell I don’t even know to be honest
Why would you even want to stay?
Even if you promised?
Please…don’t ignore me and push me back
Or start rumors to make me cry…
Pitting me against my friends
With a bunch of pathetic lies
‘sticks and stones’ isn’t true
For every day it’ll be something new
The verbal scars you’ll come to see
Because your fear is hurting me
------------------
i'm writing another right now about my little brother b/c he's my happiness in life! hope ya'll like it, i know you know what the poem means Steph! i've told you.No, we woudn't. Look up a thread on here called "Echoes From the Edge." I wrote most of those in a turmoil part of my own life and I shared them here. No one shy's away from me. Painful poetry sometimes has to be written and shared. And more people will understand that you would believe possible. Trust me, I've been there.

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Four/yoda.gif

[BrokenHeart]

:) thanks, u have no idea how much words like that mean to me


No, we woudn't. Look up a thread on here called "Echoes From the Edge." I wrote most of those in a turmoil part of my own life and I shared them here. No one shy's away from me. Painful poetry sometimes has to be written and shared. And more people will understand that you would believe possible. Trust me, I've been there.

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Four/yoda.gif

[stephofthenight]

you should deff look up pens sugestion doll. he always makes me feel better and im sure w.e. he has up his sleeve will make you happy, or at least not feel alone. :D

[BrokenHeart]

i am, trust me, i just gotta finish my evil Spanish essay!!! :crash:


you should deff look up pens sugestion doll. he always makes me feel better and im sure w.e. he has up his sleeve will make you happy, or at least not feel alone. :D

[AuntShecky]

Dear BrokenHeart, there is no one so "invisible" as a middle-aged woman, especially in American movies!
As to your piece itself, I appreciate your effort to get a grip on your confusing feelings by putting them into form. However, the kind of verses I would like to see from you and from versifiers in general are those whose subject matter is different from our own selves. Experiment with having a different speaker for your poems or try to write a poem without using the pronoun "I" or "me." Look at some of the poems by other Networkers -- firefangled, Ampoule, Nick Adams come readily to mind just to see how varied and original the topics can be.
I'm eager to see your next effort! Good luck!
Auntie

[BrokenHeart]

i'm working on one right now, i'm not sure if i will post it, but i might. i like to try to perfect things sometimes....thnks for your encouragement


Dear BrokenHeart, there is no one so "invisible" as a middle-aged woman, especially in American movies!
As to your piece itself, I appreciate your effort to get a grip on your confusing feelings by putting them into form. However, the kind of verses I would like to see from you and from versifiers in general are those whose subject matter is different from our own selves. Experiment with having a different speaker for your poems or try to write a poem without using the pronoun "I" or "me." Look at some of the poems by other Networkers -- firefangled, Ampoule, Nick Adams come readily to mind just to see how varied and original the topics can be.
I'm eager to see your next effort! Good luck!
Auntie