War!

[Libra Swords]

Our worst enemy has come,
temptation is near,
be ready and beware,
you'll never know what will
appear,

They come with hate and
destruction,
Give them No Mercy,
This kind of fight has happened
before,
I warn you.....once more.

Be prepared with your sword,
and your shield and bow,
Sunset has come and the night
will slow,

Evil is not your friend,
He will always charm and pretend,
Do not be fooled or you'll be at
your end,

Many will die and many will
cry,
Don't hesitate, you will be
great,

The battle has started,
pick up your sword, and fight!
No Mercy on their souls tonight!
Give it to them, what they
deserve,

We shall win with justice and
truth,
Give it your all and fight to the
end,
God will reward you and your
friend!

[Miranda]

I don't like this poem as much as the other because of its rhymes. It feels like you have arranged the words to make the rhymes fit, unlike the other poem. But the content of your poem raises a question for me. What if the side you are fighting against also believes their motives to be just and right, and have God on their side? Bob Dylan has a song to this effect, I don't know if you know it, but I will post it when I have time.

[verybaddmom]

i am familiar with the Bob Dylan song/poem. it is called with God on Our Side.
http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/withgod.html
and while i am generally not the type to be at all critical of poetry, i have to agree with miranda, not so much regarding the structure (i kind of like the set up of the ryhme) but the content disturbs me.
although, on the other side, i have a friend who is an artist and some of his work is very disturbing and he once told me that if someone sees his sculpture or painting for the first time, and reacts with a resounding "ewwwww" he is pleased, as he has extracted a reaction, the nature of which is unimportant. on that note, please dont think that i reacted with an "ewww" as that is not the case here. i just have a boyfriend in the military and so my feelings about all things war are mixed.

[Koa]

but the content disturbs me.
although, on the other side, i have a friend who is an artist and some of his work is very disturbing and he once told me that if someone sees his sculpture or painting for the first time, and reacts with a resounding "ewwwww" he is pleased, as he has extracted a reaction, the nature of which is unimportant.
Thats so true, disturbing is good :D

[amuse]

But the content of your poem raises a question for me. What if the side you are fighting against also believes their motives to be just and right, and have God on their side?
totally friggin' agree with this. i'm sure the "other" side believes this implicitly, and always has. look at the crusades.

[crisaor]

I don't think she believes that as a creed, it doesn't sound as a statement of opinion. I believe it's just a poem about medieval battles.

[amuse]

I don't think she believes that as a creed, it doesn't sound as a statement of opinion. I believe it's just a poem about medieval battles.
let's ask her, shall we? ;)

[emily655321]

I don't think merit should be awarded or detracted from the poem based on the opinion of its content. :confused: God knows I have strong opinions that infuriate people on the other side of whatever issue it may be. It's good to get them out -- if you can't do it in poetry, then how?

But I do agree that the rhymes make it a little choppy. Rhythm and rhyme are separate aspects of a poem, and a rhyme cannot fix a line that doesn't have rhythm. When you come to a spot that doesn't rhyme, I think if the rhythm is good it gives the writing much more power than the "right" ending. It's just my personal opinion, but I feel rhythm to be the most key, make-or-break part of a poem, and rhyme to be most effective when used sparingly to achieve a specific effect.

[amuse]

s10cr s10cr

[Koa]

s10cr s10cr

:confused: y r u wrtng like dis? (an wot wud it mean?) :confused:

[Miranda]

I wasn't awarding or deteracting any merit with my comment on its content Emily. I was merely raising a question that the content of the poem threw up. Isn't this what literature is about..to make us think and consider different kinds of views? Isn't this what poetry is for..besides entertainment that is. It would be a poor kind of forum without personal views wouldnt it? An impersonal forum wouldn't be any fun at all. But I like it here..i think this site is great.

[amuse]

Koa, *stupid 10 character rule
it means that i was going to say something, edited it, and had to write 10 characters to have my post accepted.

[emily655321]

Miranda -- I know. :) I wasn't criticizing your point. Just putting my two cents in, because the posts seemed to be taking on a discussion of what "side" Jasmine was on, which made me a little concerned.

[Koa]

Koa, *stupid 10 character rule
it means that i was going to say something, edited it, and had to write 10 characters to have my post accepted.

:eek: didn't know this rule

[emily655321]

It's been here since the update. Sometimes it sends you to the advanced text box and says "there is a ten character minimum to post" or something like that. The way it does when you put in too many smilies.