Traffic Jam

[veggieboarder]

A thousand miles an hour and halted by a road block…… Too many thoughts caused this congestion the storm ahead is causing me tension. I want to scream, I want to cry, I want laugh, and I want to die. The pain is thick, the happiness full, the loneliness is expected to dull. Medicate me from this silence medicate me from this pain. I’m lost I’m found I’m all around but I’m still not here, or even there. I stare at you and smile and laugh and still I think how long will it last? I open it up and close it off blocking myself from progression or loss. I step forward only to find myself stepping backwards stalemate by my own roadblock. I want to scream I want to cry I want to laugh, I want to die but strangely I don’t want any of that but I want it all I want it back. I’m numb I’m callus, I’m cold I’m torn. I sit there while you all talk about sports, while you degrade others to make yourselves feel better; I laugh outside and cry within. Your destructive habits are nothing but grim. I’m stuck in a traffic jam. A thousand thoughts overheating by this summer weather and searing asphalt. What did I do? Why am I like this? The desire is so strong I’ve mapped out a plan but yet nothing moves in my traffic jam. Anger ensues and I fight a battle, the guy next to me laughs at me mirrored by his own insecurities. This trucker convoy thinks they can help but blocking me in doesn’t protect my shell. I try to be bold I try to be brave, knowing what I have is great, They tell me I suck they tell me I’m hopeless they tell my car’s engine is doomed. Suddenly a burst of light from the heavens pours in cutting through the storm clouds, the beam of light heads straight for my leg and forces my foot on the gas pedal. Forward I go ramming some cars. Out of my way I say. I bust up the bumper and damage the dash my wreck less driving is such a blast. I fight my way through this jam open roads and cruise control. The radio blares the song ensues; no cd and no signal my radio plays on. I listen and hope and sometimes gloat. I’m free again 100 miles per hour the tire blows, I have to pull over… don’t worry she says it’s only temporary; I trudge to the trunk and pull out the spare, a small doughnut shape circle that can’t even compare. I bolt it on and begin again. But 50 miles per hour is all she can take, I hit the gas and up to 60 I go, only to find the tire will blow I slow it down but my engine is racing hit the gas the throttle is waiting. The empty light turns on the engine over heats, my cars broke down and I’m nowhere to be found. In the desert the baron I walk away a snail pace will save the day. My patients will come but maybe it’s too late. I’m angry I’m pissed but happy and bliss I’m lonely and lost but strangely I’m surrounded by people. The radio blares my frown ensnares. But if you asked me again I’d do it over and over. Maybe my car will be fixed maybe the traffic jam will subside but as for now I’m empty inside.