giuocob
09-20-2007, 09:20 PM
This is a prologue for a story I'm writing purely for fun, maybe for publication if I think it's good enough. It's a humor/sci-fi genre, and partly modeled after the style of the god of sci-fi, Douglas Adams.
Space. A term that astronomers, philosophers, surgeons, and people living in Iowa have all used since the birth of the English language to describe the vast expanse of matter and nothingness that lies outside our own thin atmosphere. Ever since the days of Aristotle and even further back, into the murky depth of unrecorded history, man has sought to understand this enormous void. In the early ages of the Earth, people turned to superstition, creating stories to explain this phenomenon and then forcing themselves to believe it. Needless to say, they were a primitive species.
Now the world is much different. A much more logical stance toward space, first adopted by Copernicus and Galileo and now used by scientists across the globe, turned people away from mystic legends and directed them toward science. We now know that the Earth orbits the sun, along with seven other planets and countless asteroids and comets. We utilize modern technology to send humans to the moon and other spacecraft beyond the gravitational pull of the sun and into the uncharted reaches of the galaxy. We have ambitions to send manned spacecraft as far as Mars, and even beyond.
We are still a primitive species.
Even in certain regions of our own galaxy, and certainly in other places across the universe, other beings that have yet to be even detected by humans have gone much further down the technological path than we are likely to go in the next few centuries. These creatures zoom from planet to planet in their flying saucers and spaceships with ease, some even daring the astronomical voyages between galaxies. And unbeknownst to us, the entire human race, along with every other race in the Milky Way, is ruled by an autocratic government known unoriginally as the Galactic Empire.
This ignorance may seem like a terrible curse, but it has served on many occasions to save mankind a whole lot of worry. For example, when the tyrannical leader of a planet called Darr threatened to overthrow the empire in the late 1700s and massacre every living soul except his own people, we were blissfully unaware. But it was a dire situation for the rest of the galaxy. Darr had a much more advanced military than any other planet, with weapons that could destroy a star and leave its unfortunate planets to drift aimlessly through the cold darkness of empty space. But one day, a young female of the Yakannian race, wandering through the fields by her home, made a startling discovery. This discovery eventually caused the planets Fhara, Quinija, and Pentilascor to unite under a single banner and quench the rebellion, restoring order to the Milky Way.
The Yakannians, Fharans, Quinijans, Pentilascors, and Darrians are all primitive species.
While the story of the Galactic Empire is decently interesting, it is utterly insignificant in the scheme of things. If you want more details, I suggest you ask a friend and associate of mine named Hector, who has unfortunately been under the keeping of the Alabama Institute of Mental Health for nearly five years and will only answer to the name Jonathan the Great. No, the only species that can truly call themselves advanced are those that have mastered the extreme challenges of interdimensional travel.
Many humans have speculated about the existence of parallel dimensions, some publicly debating or even writing books on the subject. Hector has himself gotten to know quite a few of these people during the past five years. The truth is, these ‘lunatics’ are actually the smartest beings among us. Our universe is sandwiched between at least twenty alternate dimensions, some completely unsuitable for life, some full of thriving civilizations more advanced than anyone in our galaxy can imagine.
The concept behind interdimensional travel is quite simple: just reach out, tear a hole in the fabric of the universe, and step through. Obviously, the equipment needed to actually do this is much more complex than that. But that hasn’t stopped dozens of races from mastering it and establishing themselves as the most advanced species in Existence.
These beings go a long way toward proving the point that some Earthling philosophers have been making for decades, that as long as there is life, there will be war. All dimensions, primitive and hypermodern, are constantly wrought with rebellions, secessions, and intergalactic warfare. Out of all of these, one stands above the rest: an attempted coup of all of Existence by a despotic leader who had managed to gain control over his entire universe. (The name of that universe is impossible to pronounce without at least fourteen heads, so I will arbitrarily name it Dimension Fred.) And unlike the pathetic Darrian uprising, this certainly was significant.
It is precisely because of this attack that Earth is revered by the rest of the Milky Way, though we don’t know it yet. Because a single teenage Earthling boy, with a lot of sheer luck and a little bit of help from a chocolate chip cookie, traveled to Dimension Fred, squashed the massive rebellion, and restored peace to Existence. This is his story, and consequentially the story of why everything you know is wrong.
Glowing reports are accepted graciously, but constructive criticism is much more desirable. Thanks, everyone!
Space. A term that astronomers, philosophers, surgeons, and people living in Iowa have all used since the birth of the English language to describe the vast expanse of matter and nothingness that lies outside our own thin atmosphere. Ever since the days of Aristotle and even further back, into the murky depth of unrecorded history, man has sought to understand this enormous void. In the early ages of the Earth, people turned to superstition, creating stories to explain this phenomenon and then forcing themselves to believe it. Needless to say, they were a primitive species.
Now the world is much different. A much more logical stance toward space, first adopted by Copernicus and Galileo and now used by scientists across the globe, turned people away from mystic legends and directed them toward science. We now know that the Earth orbits the sun, along with seven other planets and countless asteroids and comets. We utilize modern technology to send humans to the moon and other spacecraft beyond the gravitational pull of the sun and into the uncharted reaches of the galaxy. We have ambitions to send manned spacecraft as far as Mars, and even beyond.
We are still a primitive species.
Even in certain regions of our own galaxy, and certainly in other places across the universe, other beings that have yet to be even detected by humans have gone much further down the technological path than we are likely to go in the next few centuries. These creatures zoom from planet to planet in their flying saucers and spaceships with ease, some even daring the astronomical voyages between galaxies. And unbeknownst to us, the entire human race, along with every other race in the Milky Way, is ruled by an autocratic government known unoriginally as the Galactic Empire.
This ignorance may seem like a terrible curse, but it has served on many occasions to save mankind a whole lot of worry. For example, when the tyrannical leader of a planet called Darr threatened to overthrow the empire in the late 1700s and massacre every living soul except his own people, we were blissfully unaware. But it was a dire situation for the rest of the galaxy. Darr had a much more advanced military than any other planet, with weapons that could destroy a star and leave its unfortunate planets to drift aimlessly through the cold darkness of empty space. But one day, a young female of the Yakannian race, wandering through the fields by her home, made a startling discovery. This discovery eventually caused the planets Fhara, Quinija, and Pentilascor to unite under a single banner and quench the rebellion, restoring order to the Milky Way.
The Yakannians, Fharans, Quinijans, Pentilascors, and Darrians are all primitive species.
While the story of the Galactic Empire is decently interesting, it is utterly insignificant in the scheme of things. If you want more details, I suggest you ask a friend and associate of mine named Hector, who has unfortunately been under the keeping of the Alabama Institute of Mental Health for nearly five years and will only answer to the name Jonathan the Great. No, the only species that can truly call themselves advanced are those that have mastered the extreme challenges of interdimensional travel.
Many humans have speculated about the existence of parallel dimensions, some publicly debating or even writing books on the subject. Hector has himself gotten to know quite a few of these people during the past five years. The truth is, these ‘lunatics’ are actually the smartest beings among us. Our universe is sandwiched between at least twenty alternate dimensions, some completely unsuitable for life, some full of thriving civilizations more advanced than anyone in our galaxy can imagine.
The concept behind interdimensional travel is quite simple: just reach out, tear a hole in the fabric of the universe, and step through. Obviously, the equipment needed to actually do this is much more complex than that. But that hasn’t stopped dozens of races from mastering it and establishing themselves as the most advanced species in Existence.
These beings go a long way toward proving the point that some Earthling philosophers have been making for decades, that as long as there is life, there will be war. All dimensions, primitive and hypermodern, are constantly wrought with rebellions, secessions, and intergalactic warfare. Out of all of these, one stands above the rest: an attempted coup of all of Existence by a despotic leader who had managed to gain control over his entire universe. (The name of that universe is impossible to pronounce without at least fourteen heads, so I will arbitrarily name it Dimension Fred.) And unlike the pathetic Darrian uprising, this certainly was significant.
It is precisely because of this attack that Earth is revered by the rest of the Milky Way, though we don’t know it yet. Because a single teenage Earthling boy, with a lot of sheer luck and a little bit of help from a chocolate chip cookie, traveled to Dimension Fred, squashed the massive rebellion, and restored peace to Existence. This is his story, and consequentially the story of why everything you know is wrong.
Glowing reports are accepted graciously, but constructive criticism is much more desirable. Thanks, everyone!