Free At Last

[ampoule]

Free At Last

What ghastly past
could give him so much joy
at ripping open her cocoon
where she rests in rosey-glow memories?

She knows the truth, has always known it,
from the first moment their eyes met, and he,
looked away.

She respects his choice and will not attack,
afterall, she is not a mantis or a spider,
but a gentle butterfly so afraid to fly again.

She feels her beauty changing very,
very slowly inside her fuzzy blanket,
and because she is truly good and kind,
she pretends,

he is only doing her a favor.

Four years is a long time to spend as a pupa,
but she cannot emerge and dry her wings alone.
She yearns for a gentle man to offer his hand
so that she can breathe once again,

and fly.


amp, October Second, TwoThousandThree

[Virgil]

I don't know Amp. I'm not crazy about this. Some of your diction recalls too much sensational literature: "ghastly," "ripping open," "because she is truly good and kind," and "Four years is a long time to spend." But there are bright spots too: "very slowly inside her fuzzy blanket," and "She yearns for a gentle man."

On another note. Your title recalls a very famous quote by Martin Luther King Jr.

We will speed the day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing... Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, I'm free at last.

If you choose to use that title, there is no way around people making the allusion/connection to the famous quote. If that is what you intended, so be it. But if it doesn't fit, then you really can't use that title.

[ampoule]

You are right Virgil. The whole thing is ghastly but when I originally wrote it, I loved the sound of ghastly past and the person I wrote about really did have a ghastly past.

I was/am well aware of the Martin Luther King connection but I didn't care at the time because neither he, MLK, nor I were really free at last. I really need to learn to keep these things to myself. I am weak tonight and my blanket has been ruffled. ;) Thanks Virgil, really.

[Virgil]

You are right Virgil. The whole thing is ghastly but when I originally wrote it, I loved the sound of ghastly past and the person I wrote about really did have a ghastly past.

I was/am well aware of the Martin Luther King connection but I didn't care at the time because neither he, MLK, nor I were really free at last. I really need to learn to keep these things to myself. I am weak tonight and my blanket has been ruffled. ;) Thanks Virgil, really.

Oh hey, it was probably fun to write. No need to keep it to yourself. :)

[ampoule]

You're cute.

[ampoule]

I guess everyone agreed with you Virgil. ;) :bawling:
Does it prove that a title can make or break a poem? It seems there was a thread about this somewhere. I should look for it.
Does it prove that this whole cliche thing can sabotage someone's deepest feelings about themselves? I suppose it does. I know for myself that there have been a couple of occasions where I have stopped reading a poem because of it. :( Man, this can be tough work. ;)

hehe...I am also thinking this is what prompted the 'write a really bad poem' thread. Yikes!

[CdnReader]

Flying is a very good thing, Amp. We should all be so lucky. :)

[Virgil]

I guess everyone agreed with you Virgil. ;) :bawling:
Does it prove that a title can make or break a poem? It seems there was a thread about this somewhere. I should look for it.

You know I don't think it's so much the title, but the allusion. And the allusion is even more prominant as the title.


Does it prove that this whole cliche thing can sabotage someone's deepest feelings about themselves? I suppose it does. I know for myself that there have been a couple of occasions where I have stopped reading a poem because of it. :( Man, this can be tough work. ;)
Yes, you have to keep in mind that we all share the same deepest feelings, so that in itself does not make a poem. Your heartache is felt (presumably) the same as mine. What makes the poem is the orignality of craft, the language.


hehe...I am also thinking this is what prompted the 'write a really bad poem' thread. Yikes!
I don't think it was your poem specifically. Just the subject of cliches in general.


You're cute.
Thanks. :ladysman: (I've never used that smilie before, :lol: ) I hope you're of the female gender, because i don't know. :p ;)

[ampoule]

Thanks. I hope you're of the female gender, because i don't know. :p ;)

Well, that ain't no fella peeking out of all that red hair. ;) :D

[Pendragon]

Even a miracle needs a hand... I beg to differ. I find it rather touching.

[Granny5]

I have to agree with Pen. Having been there, as a lot of women have, it's very touching and feels real. I think it's very moving.

[ampoule]

Even a miracle needs a hand... I beg to differ. I find it rather touching.

Thanks! Pen....your new avatar is cracking me up.

[Granny5]

Thanks! Pen....your new avatar is cracking me up.

It's almost scary. But since it's Pen, I ain't scared.