frozen

[CdnReader]

.

frozen

in a coldness
that grips with claws
of desperation
raking my soul

in a blankness
that can't be penetrated
blind to deceptions
nothing but me

in a whiteness
without end
white blending into white
edges dissolving

enveloped
in the silence
of my own
screams

.
cdn/18sep07
.

[Jeroun]

enveloped
in the silence
of my own
screams

I loved this part: it gave me chills. I don't know a lot about poetry but I liked your poem.

[CdnReader]

Thanks, Jeroun. Chills, huh? I guess that's the perfect reaction to a poem titled "frozen". LOL! :)

[Pendragon]

I don't believe it, CD. You finally wrote one I do have a suggestion about. I am so used to your "D" shaped poetry being so flawless that I can hardly bring myself to dare make a statement other than "Wow!", you know?

OK. Here's the point:

This stanza:


in a whiteness
without end
white blending into white
edges dissolving


See how the word "white" appears three times? I would change the first line to something like "in a London fog" "whisps of twisted vapor" "all-enveloping shroud of mist" etc. Your choice, your poem. Or take with a grain of salt. ( NaCl)

[PrinceMyshkin]

I on the other hand much like the repetition of white in that verse and the echo it has for me of Gilles Vigneault's superb "Mon Pays, ce n'est pas un pay, c'est l'hiver..."

And of course the final stanza reminds me of Nolde's "The Scream."

Strong stuff!

[CdnReader]

Thanks, guys. My choice of the repetition of "white" in stanza 3 was a very deliberate construct -- to emphasize the ... um.... whiteness. :D

[barbara0207]

My choice of the repetition of "white" in stanza 3 was a very deliberate construct -- to emphasize the ... um.... whiteness. :D

That's what I thought when I read these lines. I felt as if I was in arctic regions, actually felt the "coldness", "blankness" and "whiteness". And the parallelism of the first lines, the emphasis created by these three similar words (similar in form and meaning) would be destroyed. That's why I wouldn't replace "whiteness". The repetition drives the point home, hammers it in so you are prepared for the last stanza.

Sorry I have to disagree here, Pen. ;)

[CdnReader]

Thanks, Barbara. I'm glad you liked it! :)

[Granny5]

.

frozen

in a coldness
that grips with claws
of desperation
raking my soul

in a blankness
that can't be penetrated
blind to deceptions
nothing but me

in a whiteness
without end
white blending into white
edges dissolving

enveloped
in the silence
of my own
screams

.
cdn/18sep07
.

How do I keep missing your poems? I just found this one and it's lovely. I like the repetition of white...it makes me feel the coldness and it makes me feel lonely. I love "enveloped in the silence of my own screams". I think it's great.

[CdnReader]

Granny.... Even though my intention is to write for myself, even though I primarily use poetry as a way to release feelings that are buried inside, and I don't know any other way of letting them out....despite all this, it still makes my day, knowing that you enjoy my work. Thank you so much. {{{Hugs}}}

[firefangled]

.

enveloped
in the silence
of my own
screams

.
cdn/18sep07
.


This did it for me. Cdn, I love your poems. They are written with such a personal tone, but never seem over indulgent.

[CdnReader]

Thanks so much, Fire. Such praise from one whose work I admire so highly is valuable indeed.