a little misfortune

[ahsiam]

another summer day
another morning
she stood there,
on footpaths of sheraton
with crimson roses,
some of them was torn.


innocence of her face wanted a smile
depth of her eyes wanted a drem to be come true
paleness of her lips wanted a curve line
corner of her mind wanted a wonderful thought.


another traffic jam,
she rushed into that,
knocked a car window,
said "take these roses,if it makes you happy then give me some money"


but the traffic jam disappeared with the cars.
her smile turns to a sore graveness
her dream turns to a reality that never was
her curve line faded away
her wonderful thought turns to a thought she never wanted to think.

[symphony]

I'll never forgive you for not showing your first poem to me first. But I think we can talk about that later...

For now...this poem reminded me of one I wrote a few months back, called 'gratitude'. But unlike mine, this one's through the girl's point of view.
I like it. It's not perfect. But I like it.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I'll never forgive you for not showing your first poem to me first. But I think we can talk about that later...

For now...this poem reminded me of one I wrote a few months back, called 'gratitude'. But unlike mine, this one's through the girl's point of view.
I like it. It's not perfect. But I like it.

Yes, it reminded me as well of that excellent poem of yours, so much so that I worried it might be something of a plagiarism! But as you acknowledge it as original or no more than inspired by yours, I agree that there are are some parts that are clumsy but on the whole there is a wonderful quality of observation without moralizing.

[ahsiam]

Yes, it reminded me as well of that excellent poem of yours, so much so that I worried it might be something of a plagiarism! But as you acknowledge it as original or no more than inspired by yours, I agree that there are are some parts that are clumsy but on the whole there is a wonderful quality of observation without moralizing.

Thanks!It's my first poem so i just gave it a try.:yawnb:

[symphony]

Thanks!It's my first poem...

AND u didnt show it to me first! :flare:

Sorry, couldnt help that.