comments please!

[gothic]

Fewdays back, I don't know what came over me, I felt like my insides were burning,something suddenly lit up inside me and I did what it made me doing,to get rid of it.I wrote a different kind of poetry.Or I'd rather say, it is of some kind I know but can't name.the least I can say is-it was born out of true spirit,but I don't know how far I succeeded to put it right.so please,help me to see it,and it would be very kind of you if you kept in mind that it was a 'very first attempt' in english and therefore soothe yourselves a bit if you felt like gagging on it. so,here it goes-

Hell is where I belong!

I lift my gaze and look at the sun
She looks away,I could feel her burn.
The spirits inside me chime on-
Hell is where you belong!

The shackles resrain
Barely the pain they are given,
Cut sharper in my feet
Knowing of their sure defeat.
The loosing souls shriek on-
Hell is where you belong!

The rushing ghouls behind me,
Howling helpless,see me flee,
Fleeter than a ray surging through-
I leave no message nor a clue;
Light lagging behind curse on-
Hell is where you belong!

The tempest roars with sheer bliss,
Assuring this time world will not exist,
I blow her softly out of my way;
Dubious deep,it sways away-

Reaching the gate,looking at my chest
I find blazing letters fire on-
Hell is where I belong!

[dibyendra]

Hell is where I belong!

I lift my gaze and look at the sun
She looks away,I could feel her burn.
The spirits inside me chime on-
Hell is where you belong!

The shackles resrain
Barely the pain they are given,
Cut sharper in my feet
Knowing of their sure defeat.
The loosing souls shriek on-
Hell is where you belong!

The rushing ghouls behind me,
Howling helpless,see me flee,
Fleeter than a ray surging through-
I leave no message nor a clue;
Light lagging behind curse on-
Hell is where you belong!

The tempest roars with sheer bliss,
Assuring this time world will not exist,
I blow her softly out of my way;
Ddubious deep,it sways away-

Reaching the gate,looking at my chest
I find blazing letters fire on-
Hell is where I belong!


Wow ! This is great poem with a very strong emotion attached with it. I really loved the flow of it and lost on it while reading. Great poem with strong wording Gothic ! Keep up your good work ! :thumbs_up

[dramasnot6]

The tempest roars with sheer bliss,
Assuring this time world will not exist,
I blow her softly out of my way;
Ddubious deep,it sways away-
Very strong, great imagery,great emotion.
Stanza above was my fav :thumbs_up

[Pendragon]

The poem is faultless, it flows like a river, never bogging down, and certain to hold the reader's attention. You have taken a subject most would not dare, and made a great poem.

That said, I sincerely pray that hell is not where you belong!

Pen

[gothic]

I AM SIMPLY SPEECHLESS! thank you guys for such lively response! and pen, thanks for assuring me that it is flawless.

[dibyendra]

I couldn't figure out word 'Ddubious' in this line

Ddubious deep,it sways away-

Should it be dubious or is that a correct word? I couldn't find what it is in my dictionary. I might be wrong but just wanted to know what does that mean.

Poem is great Gothic !

[gothic]

sorry, my mistake! yes, you got it right, the word is dubious. and in here it is meant to convey the meaning- incredulous. thanks again,dib!

[Oniw17]

Nice poem. I liked your short story which I read ~5 minutes ago too, but I didn't want to be the first one to comment.