Searching

[CdnReader]

Last stanza reworked. Thanks, everyone. :)


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With nothing to guide me
but the star at my back....
I set my course for away.

Whispering prayers of longing and release,
I grasp the cool air, breathe it deep....
view it transformed into the essence
of what I can become.

The sword at my side glints wickedly
mirroring the smile of he who awaits....
and the jewelled hilt brings back a memory
of blue eyes, both deep and serene.

Driving for the forest....refusing to ponder
what dangers may lie ahead....
leaves blown from my path
as though a zephyr passes through
and one foot follows the other
in an intricate dance of mystery and invitation.

The star has vanished...
hidden by the blackness of tall trunks.
Directionless now,
I move on.

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cdn/31aug07
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[PrinceMyshkin]

1) Congrats on your new signature!
2) Many things i admire in this, especially


I set my course for away.

There is something deeply moving in the elevation of "away" from its humble preposition status to a noun, and to one that has the vagueness, the mystery of elsewhere...

and


The sword at my side glints wickedly
mirroring the smile of he who awaits....

the hint here that the sword might NOT be the friendly weapon one would like it to be as indeed the "away" place might not be so hospitable.

but, NO!

what dangers may lay ahead....

there are YOUTHS on this site and people whose English, while admirable, may not yet be pefect, so for you to use "lay" instead of "lie" here lays you open to a charge Gross Grammatical Misprision!

and I thought you came a bit too quickly to resolution in


Wandering blind
I search still.

I didn't see where that re-afformation came from.

[CdnReader]

There is something deeply moving in the elevation of "away" from its humble preposition status to a noun, and to one that has the vagueness, the mystery of elsewhere...

Thanks, Jer.


there are YOUTHS on this site and people whose English, while admirable, may not yet be pefect, so for you to use "lay" instead of "lie" here lays you open to a charge Gross Grammatical Misprision!

BLAWK!!!!!!! GGM ALERT!!!!! Repairs shall be conducted immediately, if not sooner.


and I thought you came a bit too quickly to resolution in
I didn't see where that re-afformation came from.

Thanks. Shall consider some rewording and/or reworking in this section.

[Pendragon]

You've done it again! A well-written poem, that when you look at it, before even reading it, it looks balanced. How do you keep doing that? It's like Fifth and those pylons! Well-written and visually pleasing! That's effort!

Pen

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/PuppyLove.gif

[CdnReader]

Well, thank you so much, Pen! But I really have to admit that in this case, the "shape" wasn't part of the effort. It just kind of spilled onto the page that way. LOL!

[ampoule]

mucho nice-o ;)

[CdnReader]

Oops! I messed that up. I meant to repost here with the changes, but instead edited the original. DOH!!! Anyways.... for the new version.... read entry #1.

Oh, and thanks, Ampoule. :)