My eyes are awake

[NikolaiI]

My eyes are awake,
The air before me alive and awake,
The ground awake,
All around me is life,
And death,
And the two are one.
Everything around me is alive,
And there is no I,
That is seperate from the alive dead world.

My day is complete
I live and breathe and eat and spend time walking,
I am as if in a dream,
And when I dream I am awake.
Each minute of my day is practice,
and practice is awakeness.

I am not so much the breather as the air that I breathe.
Not so much the knower but the known.

I cease to be and I never was,
Yet I have my memories.

As I sit here with you now what I know
Is being passed to you, my dreams,
Everything I have heard or seen,
My world, and what I make of it,
We do not speak of it, but we have the same yearning.

My world is unstable and for this I am grateful.
All of my dreams come from the night.
All of my worlds are on this one Earth,
And I associate myself with the Earth,
And my yearning is of the Earth and universe.

The swirling currents rise and take me
I disappear into the mist,
And walk into a dream unseen.

[TheFifthElement]

This is a really interesting poem Nikolai, it's kind of hard going because of the heavy repetition but it's worth it, and the repetition is clearly necessary. I have one suggestion, if you don't mind. In the first stanza I would lose this line : "Everything around me is alive," which I found a little jarring to the flow. If you take it out stanza 1 would be :

"My eyes are awake,
The air before me is alive and awake,
The ground awake,
All around me is life,
And death,
And the two are one.
And there is no I,
That is seperate from the alive dead world."

which emphasises the repetition of 'And' but pulls you back in the final line.

I love this part:


My world is unstable and for this I am grateful.
All of my dreams come from the night.
All of my worlds are on this one Earth,
And I associate myself with the Earth,
And my yearning is of the Earth and universe.

especially the final line, which is lovely.

[Pendragon]

For once, Fifth and I disagree. I like the poem as is. Mystical. I think the first stanza sets the scene for the rest of the poem, kind of ethereal, ghostly, in the realm of spirits, yet on Earth. Good show.

Pen

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/PuppyLove.gif

[TheFifthElement]

For once, Fifth and I disagree.

Heavens above! I didn't think it was possible ;)

[NikolaiI]

This is a really interesting poem Nikolai, it's kind of hard going because of the heavy repetition but it's worth it, and the repetition is clearly necessary. I have one suggestion, if you don't mind. In the first stanza I would lose this line : "Everything around me is alive," which I found a little jarring to the flow. If you take it out stanza 1 would be :

"My eyes are awake,
The air before me is alive and awake,
The ground awake,
All around me is life,
And death,
And the two are one.
And there is no I,
That is seperate from the alive dead world."

which emphasises the repetition of 'And' but pulls you back in the final line.

I love this part:



especially the final line, which is lovely.

Thank you!!!

And you're right about that line, it's weak, but I don't know yet how I want to change it. I don't quite like it without it, so I'll just leave it for now.



For once, Fifth and I disagree. I like the poem as is. Mystical. I think the first stanza sets the scene for the rest of the poem, kind of ethereal, ghostly, in the realm of spirits, yet on Earth. Good show.

Pen

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/PuppyLove.gif

Thank you, Pen! I'm glad you liked it.

[dibyendra]

My eyes are awake,
The air before me alive and awake,
The ground awake,
All around me is life,
And death,
And the two are one.
Everything around me is alive,
And there is no I,
That is seperate from the alive dead world.

My day is complete
I live and breathe and eat and spend time walking,
I am as if in a dream,
And when I dream I am awake.
Each minute of my day is practice,
and practice is awakeness.

I am not so much the breather as the air that I breathe.
Not so much the knower but the known.

I cease to be and I never was,
Yet I have my memories.

As I sit here with you now what I know
Is being passed to you, my dreams,
Everything I have heard or seen,
My world, and what I make of it,
We do not speak of it, but we have the same yearning.

My world is unstable and for this I am grateful.
All of my dreams come from the night.
All of my worlds are on this one Earth,
And I associate myself with the Earth,
And my yearning is of the Earth and universe.

The swirling currents rise and take me
I disappear into the mist,
And walk into a dream unseen.

A beautiful imaginative poem NikolaiI !

I loved following stanzas very powerful.



My day is complete
I live and breathe and eat and spend time walking,
I am as if in a dream,
And when I dream I am awake.
Each minute of my day is practice,
and practice is awakeness.

and



My world is unstable and for this I am grateful.
All of my dreams come from the night.
All of my worlds are on this one Earth,
And I associate myself with the Earth,
And my yearning is of the Earth and universe.

Really impressive poem !