Inside

[dibyendra]

Inside

Everyone has stories inside,
unspoken stories of their own life.
Only some are told...and others they just fade away.

Everyone has their own feelings,
inside they howl breaking the inner silence.
Only some express them in their own voice.

Everyone has pains,
inside they rush making a acute pain.
Only some let them come outside as a gesture.

Everyone has animal inside,
the untamed being.
Some admits but others conceal if it doesn't exist.


Poem after the discussion in this thread. So, Please read this one.

Inside Everyone
Everyone has stories inside,
unspoken stories of their own life.
Only some are told...and others, they are just forgotten.

Everyone has their own feelings,
inside they rush making different emotions.
Only some express them in their own voice.

Everyone has pain,
inside they howl breaking the inner silence.
Only some let them out as a gesture.

Everyone has questions,
inside there are answers...only answers to be found.
Only some reach inside them and let them out.

Everyone has silence inside,
possibly obscured by the turmoil within.
Only some fight and conquer it easily.

Everyone has animal inside,
the roaring untamed being, always trying to get itself free.
Some admit, but others conceal as if it doesn't exist.

[TheFifthElement]

This is an interesting poem dibyenda which would benefit from some polishing. You've gathered together some stong emotions, the first and final verse capture these well, the second and third aren't quite as strong and I wonder if they would be better swopped around, then you have the 'howl' followed by the 'animal inside', which might be a more natural progression.

[Pendragon]

Yes, I see what Fifth means. The poem is a bit out of order, not misworded as much as out of flow.

Let's see:
Your Original:

Everyone has stories inside,
unspoken stories of their own life.
Only some are told...and others they just fade away.

Everyone has their own feelings,
inside they howl breaking the inner silence.
Only some express them in their own voice.

Everyone has pains,
inside they rush making a acute pain.
Only some let them come outside as a gesture.

Everyone has animal inside,
the untamed being.
Some admits but others conceal if it doesn't exist



Everyone has stories inside,
unspoken stories of their own life.
Only some are told...and others they just fade away.

Everyone has their own feelings,
inside they rush making a acute pain.
Only some express them in their own voice.

Everyone has pains,
inside they howl breaking the inner silence.
Only some let them come outside as a gesture.

Everyone has animal inside,
the untamed being.
Some admit, but others conceal as if it doesn't exist


I think the line "the untamed being" needs lengthing you should choose the words if so. If you don't think this rearragement is better toss it. You are the master of your own poetry and you must find your own voice. Suggestions are fine, but the poet should never loose control of his/her poem.

Pen

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Soccar.gif

[dibyendra]

Thank you Fifth and Pen for your comments and suggestions. Yes, this poem is still raw and need polishing and need some ordering like you said. I also thought similar yesterday about these things. And thank you Pen for your effort ! I'll work on it and I'll be back again with new version of this poem.

[dibyendra]

Just a quick edit from your suggestions :

Inside

Everyone has stories inside,
unspoken stories of their own life.
Only some are told...and others they just fade away.

Everyone has their own feelings,
inside they rush making a acute pain.
Only some express them in their own voice.

Everyone has pains,
inside they howl breaking the inner silence.
Only some let them come outside as a gesture.

Everyone has animal inside,
the roaring untamed being trying to get itself free.
Some admit, but others conceal as if it doesn't exist.

[dibyendra]

After spending few hours again, I have tried to come up with a new version. Any suggestions are welcome. So, please make your comment when you finish reading this new version. I have given it a title 'inside everyone'.

Inside Everyone

Everyone has stories inside,
unspoken stories of their own life.
Only some are told...and other they just fade away.

Everyone has their own feelings,
inside they rush making an acute pain.
Only some express them in their own voice.

Everyone has pain,
inside they howl breaking the inner silence.
Only some let them out as a gesture.

Everyone has questions,
inside there are answers...only answers to be found.
Only some plunge inside them and let them out.

Everyone has silence inside,
possibly obscured by the chaos within.
Only some fight with the human inside and conquer it easily.

Everyone has animal inside,
the roaring untamed being, always trying to get itself free.
Some admit, but others conceal as if it doesn't exist.

[Pendragon]

After spending few hours again, I have tried to come up with a new version. Any suggestions are welcome. So, please make your comment when you finish reading this new version. I have given it a title 'inside everyone'.

Inside Everyone

Everyone has stories inside,
unspoken stories of their own life.
Only some are told...and other they just fade away.

Everyone has their own feelings,
inside they rush making an acute pain.
Only some express them in their own voice.

Everyone has pain,
inside they howl breaking the inner silence.
Only some let them out as a gesture.

Everyone has questions,
inside there are answers...only answers to be found.
Only some plunge inside them and let them out.

Everyone has silence inside,
possibly obscured by the chaos within.
Only some fight with the human inside and conquer it easily.

Everyone has animal inside,
the roaring untamed being, always trying to get itself free.
Some admit, but others conceal as if it doesn't exist.Very much improved by the lengthening. A couple suggestions: I think perhaps "reach" might be better than "plunge" in this line:

Only some plunge inside them and let them out One "plunges" into a liquid. To plunge into one's body suggests a knife or blade, which is rather bloody. "Reach" is to grasp, and one can reach inside one's self with one's spirit.

and here: Only some fight with the human inside and conquer it easily perhaps "Turmoil fights" could replace "Only some fight". I think I am correct in thinking that in this stanza, you mean that Chaos controls the person? Since you don't want to use the word "Chaos" twice that close together, a synonym like "Turmoil" works fine.

You have a fine poem and are doing wonderful. I knew you would!

Pen

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/PuppyLove.gif

[dibyendra]

Very much improved by the lengthening. A couple suggestions: I think perhaps "reach" might be better than "plunge" in this line:

Only some plunge inside them and let them out One "plunges" into a liquid. To plunge into one's body suggests a knife or blade, which is rather bloody. "Reach" is to grasp, and one can reach inside one's self with one's spirit.

and here: Only some fight with the human inside and conquer it easily perhaps "Turmoil fights" could replace "Only some fight". I think I am correct in thinking that in this stanza, you mean that Chaos controls the person? Since you don't want to use the word "Chaos" twice that close together, a synonym like "Turmoil" works fine.

You have a fine poem and are doing wonderful. I knew you would!

Pen

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/PuppyLove.gif

Thank you Pen for your comments and review. I'm very much overwhelmed by your comment Pen. Really ! Thanks for that. I'm inspired to write even more Pen.



I think I am correct in thinking that in this stanza, you mean that Chaos controls the person?


Oh, I meant to say that chaos inside only makes the silence blurred but they do exist and only who can fight with those chaos can conquer the hidden silence. I loved the word 'turmoil' which made much sense than the word 'chaos'. Yes, using "Only some fight" also gives the meaning in simple way. Thank you very much Pen for your kind support !

Here is again the edited version in which I have made few changes.

Inside everyone

Everyone has stories inside,
unspoken stories of their own life.
Only some are told...and others, they are just forgotten.

Everyone has their own feelings,
inside they rush making different emotions.
Only some express them in their own voice.

Everyone has pain,
inside they howl breaking the inner silence.
Only some let them out as a gesture.

Everyone has questions,
inside there are answers...only answers to be found.
Only some reach inside them and let them out.

Everyone has silence inside,
possibly obscured by the turmoil within.
Only some fight and conquer it easily.

Everyone has animal inside,
the roaring untamed being, always trying to get itself free.
Some admit, but others conceal as if it doesn't exist.

[TheFifthElement]

This is a lovely poem dibyendra, much improved from the original. It's exciting to see, actually, how the poem started as a jem, to be polished into a diamond. Thank you for sharing this with us.

[dibyendra]

This is a lovely poem dibyendra, much improved from the original. It's exciting to see, actually, how the poem started as a jem, to be polished into a diamond. Thank you for sharing this with us.

Oh thank you Fifth for saying such a pleasant words ! I'm thankful to this forum and the great people around here in this forum for their generous support !