Old Geezers Paddlin' Clud

[Poppy]

They range in age up to 80 or better
But some don’t look their years.
Some are in the prime of health,
but some backs and hearts are poor.

This band of boys will travel many
miles just to wet their boats.
Some will have canoes, some will have
kayaks and some homemade pirogues.

They meet at some favorite stream and
hope for a little flow. They cuss
and spit and wait it out if its anything
Over class II.

This group of gents has a standard plan
that separates geezers from others.
They’ll only paddle 5 miles and make
it a two day adventure.

The highlight to a clud float is a
nighttime fire at camp.
There’s kraut and sausage, beans and
bread…oh and lots of Dago red.

This merry bunch will hit the sack
usually at an early hour.
But many will be up through out the night
just like all geezers do.

Morning brings early light as our boys
begin to break camp.
Hopefully all of their clothes are dry
from yesterday’s fall in the drink.

These guys go by various names like
Sparky, Bear and Old Yak. There’s
Swampy, Big Al, Ray and Ray, and
Tom of Buzzard Bluff.

When the trip is done the planning
begins for the next great escape.
This keeps them young at heart, mind
alert, friends till the very LAST float.

[Virgil]

I loved it Poppy ( I got your name right this time. ;) ) So cool. Only change I would recommend is to drop that last stanza. That sort of summary isn't needed in my opinion. And to make it end on the right note, I would switch the sequence of the two stanzas before that. Like this:


They range in age up to 80 or better
But some don’t look their years.
Some are in the prime of health,
but some backs and hearts are poor.

This band of boys will travel many
miles just to wet their boats.
Some will have canoes, some will have
kayaks and some homemade pirogues.

They meet at some favorite stream and
hope for a little flow. They cuss
and spit and wait it out if its anything
Over class II.

This group of gents has a standard plan
that separates geezers from others.
They’ll only paddle 5 miles and make
it a two day adventure.

The highlight to a clud float is a
nighttime fire at camp.
There’s kraut and sausage, beans and
bread…oh and lots of Dago red.

This merry bunch will hit the sack
usually at an early hour.
But many will be up through out the night
Just like all geezers do.

These guys go by various names like
Sparky, Bear and Old Yak. There’s
Swampy, Big Al, Ray and Ray, and
Tom of Buzzard Bluff.

Morning brings early light as our boys
begin to break camp.
Hopefully all of their clothes are dry
from yesterday’s fall in the drink.

[Poppy]

I loved it Poppy ( I got your name right this time. ;) ) So cool. Only change I would recommend is to drop that last stanza. That sort of summary isn't needed in my opinion. And to make it end on the right note, I would switch the sequence of the two stanzas before that. Like this:

Thanks Virgil. That last stanza was the hardest for me. I like the changes and your suggestion sure makes it flow better in my opinion.

[ampoule]

I rather like it the way it is. At first I thought the stanza that names the gentlemen should be the first, second or even third stanza because it introduces them. But this way, the original way, it seems like you have told your story up to that point and then you sit back in your chair, looking over the scene, and then each individual slowly crosses your mind, almost with a feeling of reverence. I like the wrap up because it reminded me that the old geezers may not have that many more floats but the hope that takes place in the planning is all that is needed.
I really liked it.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I'd hate to see that last stanza go because that reference in the last line to "the last float" is a sudden stab in the heart, a reference (intended or not) to death, perceived now as a float, as a gentle thing, an easy thing and one which - as in a float - one has or exercises little control over.

[Poppy]

Thanks Amp and Prince. I was trying for a bit of an impact and exactly what you said about it being the last meeting, or at least the last float of an individual member. I wrote and rewrote and couldn't make it like I wanted.

[Pendragon]

I inclined to agree with leave the poem as is. A gathering of friends every year for a special day, week, or whatever, to travel down memory lane, a road that exists only in the minds of those who walk it. And your last stanza reminds us that every year, one or more old friend may not be there, having taken his "last float." That makes us appreciate out friends more while there are here now, to call them up just to chat, meet for a hike or to go fishing or whatever. As a poem I once wrote ended "Flowers always look so lovely on a grave." Yes, but your friend or loved one won't see them. Great poem, Poppy.

I bow, sir!

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/PuppyLove.gif

[Poppy]

Thanks Pen. I have archived both versions.

[motherhubbard]

Poppy, I did notice this earlier, but I wanted to think on it before I said anything. I like it, of course. But there were two or three others I like better, although I can't say way. This one left me thinking of you sort of looking up to these old guys the way you do when you watch the way people are. It was like you were waiting for your turn to plan an old geezer trip even though that will be another couple of decades. Maybe you and Jim- I like to call him Fleuder Flam, and maybe that Chuck Roast guy. Then I wondered what they will call you- and I think it will be Poppy.

[Poppy]

Poppy, I did notice this earlier, but I wanted to think on it before I said anything. I like it, of course. But there were two or three others I like better, although I can't say way. This one left me thinking of you sort of looking up to these old guys the way you do when you watch the way people are. It was like you were waiting for your turn to plan an old geezer trip even though that will be another couple of decades. Maybe you and Jim- I like to call him Fleuder Flam, and maybe that Chuck Roast guy. Then I wondered what they will call you- and I think it will be Poppy.

My My daughter. I am among this group. I know each and everyone of these gents and have been on some of these adventures.

[motherhubbard]

Pop, you're not an old geezer yet. I don't like this at all. You need to hang out with kids your own age and stop trying to grow up too fast! I have a question that will tell me if you are ready for the old geezer club...

If you were going on one of these trips and your loving daughter was thoughtful enough to pack some instant oatmeal for your breakfast, would you be excited to see that oatmeal and eat it, or would you bring it back home at the bottom of your equipment?

[Poppy]

Pop, you're not an old geezer yet. I don't like this at all. You need to hang out with kids your own age and stop trying to grow up too fast! I have a question that will tell me if you are ready for the old geezer club...

If you were going on one of these trips and your loving daughter was thoughtful enough to pack some instant oatmeal for your breakfast, would you be excited to see that oatmeal and eat it, or would you bring it back home at the bottom of your equipment?

Dear loving daughter, I would consume it and probably want another. I would also add raisins and a small quantity of metamucil as a chaser...:yawnb:

[ampoule]

Dear loving daughter, I would consume it and probably want another. I would also add raisins and a small quantity of metamucil as a chaser...:yawnb:

Oh yikes! Be careful. Then they might use your 'new' name...you know...um ...:blush: ...Poopy. LOL :lol: ;)

[motherhubbard]

Well, if that's your answer I guess you are a geezer. It may take me a while to get used to the idea. I think I liked it better when you brought that oatmeal back home.