Forecast for To Knight

[the silent x]

Forecast for to-Knight

Lightning lights up the adjacent clouds,
Prepare for a storm, my brother.
Thunder rolls in from the front,
Prepare for a storm, my friend.
The rain explodes on the foggy desert,
Prepare for a storm, neighbor.
The lightning quickens, as does the thunder,
Prepare for a storm, my country.
The cemetery explodes,
Prepare for a storm, comrade.
Batten down the hatches,
Prepare for a storm, my leader.
Lifeboats ashore,
Prepare for our bodies, my God.

The rain pelts down thicker, faster,
We are in the storm, my crew.
I seek a shelter amidst the carnage
We are in the storm, my commander.
The rain cuts my brother to shreds,
We are in the storm, oh guardian angels.
I move from house to house up the hill,
We are in the storm, my mother
Our lightning strikes back, our thunder rolls loud,
We are in the storm, my president.
I spew rain of my own from my personal cloud,
We are in the storm, my enemy.
The rain falls on me,
They are in the storm, but not I.

A tribute to D-day

Post what you think about it please.

[TheFifthElement]

Silent X - I think this is a very powerful poem. I wonder if the structure would be more powerful if each two line statement was on it's own i.e.

"Lightning lights up the adjacent clouds,
Prepare for a storm, my brother.

Thunder rolls in from the front,
Prepare for a storm, my friend."

There are a few places where you haven't included the 'my', I thought that the repetition of this was one of the more powerful parts of the poem, so it might be worth adding them in to see how it works. I wondered if it might impede the flow, but then perhaps a small incursion into the flow in this case might be worth it. As always, entirely up to you.

The end lines of each stanza were particularly good:


Lifeboats ashore,
Prepare for our bodies, my God.


The rain falls on me,
They are in the storm, but not I.

It ends on such a quiet note, as it should do, and is more sad and poinant for it. I loved the inclusion of 'mother' in the second stanza, I wonder how many men thought of their mother that day, clinging to hope that they would gain her comfort again.

It's a good poem Silent X that benefits from more than one reading. I will certainly come back to it again. My Granddad was shot in the knee during the evacuation at Dunkirk, and it made me think of him, and wonder what he was thinking when it happened. I bet you're not far off the mark. Thank you for this.

[ampoule]

I like this very much.

[the silent x]

your very welcome element, wow, your grandpa is very lucky to have been shot in the knee and not in the head. someone was looking out for him.

sorry i didn't add this to my original post but if anyone was wondering where the inspiration came from, it was a lightning storm on thursday night. yeah, i'm smart enough to stand underneath a tree, when the rain is so thick visibility is maybe ten feet, and lightning is slicing the sky every two seconds. but anyway, as i wacthed the storm move on, it looked like arillery and anti-aircraft fire was lighting up the sky.