The Dancing Soldier

[CdnReader]

.

Time is a dancing soldier
who leaves no footprints in the dust.
No knowledge is offered
of what came before
or of the secrets
he holds deep.

For now,
I watch the soldier dance,
and I embrace his complexity.

.
cdn/16feb07
.

[PrinceMyshkin]

.

Time is a dancing soldier
who leaves no footprints in the dust.
No knowledge is offered
of what came before
or of the secrets
he holds deep.

For now,
I watch the soldier dance,
and I embrace his complexity.

.
cdn/16feb07
.

This felt like the opening of one poem and the end of another, with a missing middle. The opening, both by way of the language and a relaxed, meditative tone, seemed to promise a meditative possibly metaphysical poem, a la John Donne, whereas the ending was that of a more confessional, more personal poem. What was missing was hinted at in that "For now," but there was nothing to hint at the persona's possibly wished for but temporarily (?) unattainable relationship to time...

[Pendragon]

.

Time is a dancing soldier
who leaves no footprints in the dust.
No knowledge is offered
of what came before
or of the secrets
he holds deep.

For now,
I watch the soldier dance,
and I embrace his complexity.

.
cdn/16feb07
.You know, I like those ending lines very much, but agree with Jer that something is missing before it. I don't know as I'd say you have two poems here, but you have a missing stanza, I'm thinking. The first two line grab your attention at once, and the last three are a stong finish, the area in between is uncharted waters. I belive you have the charts...

Pen

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Goldfish.gif

[CdnReader]

Thanks, guys. Interesting.... when I pulled it out of the archive this morning, it was written as all one stanza. When I re-read it, I thought it needed that pause before "For now...." and split it into two. Now I'm curious whether I changed the flow by doing that, and made it seem incomplete in the process. Hmmm..... I shall continue to work on this one. :)

[CdnReader]

Rewritten.... with an added stanza.... Does this fill in the blank?



.

Time is a dancing soldier
who leaves no footprints in the dust.
No knowledge is offered
of what came before
or of the secrets
he holds deep.

He comes close,
extending his hand....
then he whirls away, out of reach.
He entices us to follow
yet leaves us behind,
wondering.

For now,
I watch the soldier dance,
and I embrace his complexity.

.

[Pendragon]

Does it for me, yes. Connects the strong beginning to the strong endiing. I would keep the second draft.

Pen

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/ThumbsUp.gif

[CdnReader]

Thanks very much, Pen. I'm glad you like the new version. :)