Parental Love

[Bakiryu]

I was reading (Nietzche, go figure :lol: ) when this thought came to me. This question I wish I could ask my parents:

Do you love me because of who I am or because I'm your daughter/son?

What do you think?

Do your parents love you for who you are or because they made you.

You know, if you were just some random bloke on the street and they just met you, would they love/like you because of the person you are?


Sorry I can't put in better words :blush: I must sound so infantile, but there goes.

Anyone brave enough to ask his/her parents this question please post his/her answer or just turn this into some philosophical discussion :lol:

[Themis]

I think parents love you for who you are. It's not possible to compare yourself with some random bloke because your parents know you. They're close to you, they have seen you grow up, they have played an important part in helping you do it.

[Koa]

My housemate said she wouldn't like her daughter if she wasn't her daughter...:lol: It's a bit sad, she feels forced to like her just because of that...well obviously.

I guess the answer is both. They love you because they 'made' you (and what you are partly depends on them, I mean education etc, I know I have some values because my parents have the same) but they also love you if you become different from what they wanted... so if you are yourself. So they love you the way you are but if you were a random person they wouldnt be that bothered.

At least normal parents, unfortunately some don't seem to love their kids at all but that's a totally other question and ultimately rather rare.

[NickAdams]

Their child is who you are.
Your parents loved you when you were born, I'm guessing, and your personality if not like is tolerated.
I'm happy that my parents loved me when I was born, otherwise I would have ended up abandoned.

[motherhubbard]

Parents love their babies because they are cute and sweet and wonderful. It’s easy to love a baby and that kind of love is great and powerful and indescribable. The love you feel for your children as they grow has a lot to do with that baby love built up with experience, investment (time, thought, energy, concern…), and coming to know a person. It is always amazing to me that I have these four unique individuals that are whole independent human beings with lives and dreams and thoughts all independent of me- amazing. But I think parents love their grown children with a greater kind of love. They know what kind of wonderful person they are, and similarly I think when a parent shuns a child or something like that it is because they see their own short comings and parental failure in that person. All of this is of course very general.

I we were not related, my mom and dad would adore me just as much as they do now, although they may not tolerate me as well.

[Bakiryu]

I just wondered that. I live with my mum but i wonder if she knows me as a person. Of course, we sometimes have those weird mother-daughter ESP moments (Like when I wanted Middlesex and a day later she got it for me without knowing it -or what the book is about since she doesn't understand English). I'm a very different individual than what I was but i feel as if my parents judge me by the same parameters they did when i was younger.

Does this make any sense?

[applepie]

I generally think that parents love you because you are their child, but loving you doesn't always mean that they have to like the person you choose to be as an adult. There is a bond that comes from loving your child so dearly that can never be broken. As they get older it can become harder to always like their behavior and attitudes, but it doesn't dampen that feeling of love. My parents love me first because I'm their child, despite my many faults, but they also admire the individual that I've become. My mom spent many arguments explaining that just because she didn't like my behavior it didn't mean that she loved me any less. What parent is going to like their child when they are being escorted home by the cops at 15 after being out with their 22 year old boyfriend. They still loved me, but they were not pleased:D

[motherhubbard]

I just wondered that. I live with my mum but i wonder if she knows me as a person. Of course, we sometimes have those weird mother-daughter ESP moments (Like when I wanted Middlesex and a day later she got it for me without knowing it -or what the book is about since she doesn't understand English). I'm a very different individual than what I was but i feel as if my parents judge me by the same parameters they did when i was younger.

Does this make any sense?

I think it is normal to feel that way about your mom, but even though she is your mom her own childhood (or adolescents) wasn’t THAT long ago. Give her some credit! I bet she understands you better than you think and maybe even better than you do. Everyone goes through something similar and feels like they are the only one while they are experiencing it. Of course again that a generality, but for a good reason.

[Virgil]

Their child is who you are.
Your parents loved you when you were born, I'm guessing, and your personality if not like is tolerated.
I'm happy that my parents loved me when I was born, otherwise I would have ended up abandoned.


Parents love their babies because they are cute and sweet and wonderful. It’s easy to love a baby and that kind of love is great and powerful and indescribable. The love you feel for your children as they grow has a lot to do with that baby love built up with experience, investment (time, thought, energy, concern…), and coming to know a person. It is always amazing to me that I have these four unique individuals that are whole independent human beings with lives and dreams and thoughts all independent of me- amazing. But I think parents love their grown children with a greater kind of love. They know what kind of wonderful person they are, and similarly I think when a parent shuns a child or something like that it is because they see their own short comings and parental failure in that person. All of this is of course very general.

I we were not related, my mom and dad would adore me just as much as they do now, although they may not tolerate me as well.

Very good posts by Nick and Mom-H. It's all wrapped together, the fact that you are their child and the individual they have come to know. It's a bond in which you can't unravel the elements. Baki, your mom loves you. Ask her.

[SleepyWitch]

hum, tough question... i think it's very hard to make generalizations...
as for my parents, my dad loves my bro and me like people love their babies. he hasn't realized we're grown up. when we were younger, he wasn't interested in us at all but when I was around 16 and started my first part-time job he kinda woke up to the fact that he has kids... now he calls us his "little-ones"...

as for my mum... well we've got lots of things in common, but I don't think she really knows me as an individual and we don't get on particularly well... she knows me better than my dad, but to her I'm the daughter who has to live all the dreams she gave up... trouble is, she keeps changing her mind all the time, one day it's "I want you to have a good job and be independent" and the next it's "I want you to get married and have lots of children"... she's impossible to please, so I don't really care what she wants any longer.
[/sob story] :)

[Bakiryu]

Yeah, Sleepy, my mum is like that. I know she loves me but she needs to let go and stop being overprotective. (Loving the Seshu Avie by the way!)

[stephofthenight]

because im there child, and they would kill me otherwise....

[NickAdams]

As you might start to notice, I'm big on psychology; it's my major. There has been some interesting research done in this area. Anybody interested? I can post tomorrow.

[Bakiryu]

Sure, why not Nick? I've always found psychology interesting (even if I can't spell it!)

[Shurtugal]

here's my two cents on the subject... i know my parents love me, and i'm closer to my mum then i'm with my dad. (i think it's a girl thing) and sometimes it does seem that we aren't evan related, but if we try hard enough we usaully work it out. i normally being founded wrong.

[Granny5]

All I can talk about is my experience. I have loved my children since before they were born. I felt like I knew them, as persons, while I was carrying them. I don't remember ever thinking, "Wow, this isn't who I thought it was!"
They are my babies, even now that they are grown up. But, if I met any one of them at work or in social gatherings, I would like them now and probably grow to love them because of the people they are. They are all three intelligent, caring, and loving. Now, growing up they did make mistakes, some I know about, some I don't know about. They all acted like jerks sometimes. But I act like a jerk or worse sometimes. They love me, I love them. Now they are not dependent on me for much, but we are all best of friends with the love that comes from being family mixed in. We argue, we laugh, we have a good time, we fuss, we make up, it's just the way with families. That love is unconditional. I may not like their decisions or choices, but I love them and always will.

[motherhubbard]

Mom, I want to add one quick thing to that. If we were fighting and angry and feeling like we just HATED each other really, really badly and decided that we wouldn't even spit on the other if they were on fire (I get angry sometimes), we would still jump in less than a second if one of us needed the other. Everything else would be water under the bridge and (at least almost) forgotten. Our love for each other is without limitation or boundary. It supersedes anything. If I needed my family it wouldn't matter what I had ever, ever done, they would be there. They would stop everything and come to me right then.

[Granny5]

Mom, I want to add one quick thing to that. If we were fighting and angry and feeling like we just HATED each other really, really badly and decided that we wouldn't even spit on the other if they were on fire (I get angry sometimes), we would still jump in less than a second if one of us needed the other. Everything else would be water under the bridge and (at least almost) forgotten. Our love for each other is without limitation or boundary. It supersedes anything. If I needed my family it wouldn't matter what I had ever, ever done, they would be there. They would stop everything and come to me right then.

You are right. But, I've never felt like I've hated any of you. I've hated things and actions, but never you guys. Now, I believe that at some point, all children will think that they hate their parents, but inside they really know that they don't. They just hate the actions and unfairness they feel.
But, everyone else better leave us alone!
I think the bunch of us would be able to take on anyone...right?

[Nightshade]

I think loving your kids or flowing in the other direction or maybe family 'love' is because you ARE family. Family is family and you react with them differantly.
But at the same time your family sahpe who you are as a person... so the personality is one you can relate to because fit together.


Humm some of you might rember my dont belive in any kind of love philosphy but ths was part of my point , 'love' is a simplification I think its more like when your that close to people you are part of them and they are part of you your personality as well as biolgically.


And now Im going to ask my mum.... and Im pretty sure her answer will be Oh go away .--

Ha no she topped it, she burst into laughs " I dont love my kids so thats a stupid question."

we dont do mush in my house :rolleyes:

[andave_ya]

Granny's post reminded me of the proverb? "God hates sin but loves the sinner" My parents love me, but not the stupid stuff I do.

[Lily Adams]

Well, I know my parents love me for both reasons. Of course they love me because I'm their offspring. They also love me for who I am. My mommy said so. :p Although there are some things that I like that they don't like or really love like me, we still have a lot in common because...I like what they like for the most part? Ha ha. They hate most modern art that I like, (even though I love Renoir and Fragonard, etc. like they do) and stuff like that, which dissapoints me, but that's what us darn kids are here for. We're here to be different from our parents. We're not asexual beings that make exact copies of ourselves. Boring.

I've often wondered this myself. Thanks for bringing up! :D