old friends

[kratsayra]

so, do you keep in touch with your old friends - depending on your age, this could be friends from childhood, summer camp, high school, college, or beyond . . .

I'm recently feeling frustrated by the fact that I'm barely in touch with my old friends - from high school and college. Is there something wrong with me? Something wrong with them? I feel like they just don't want to talk to me. What is up? So I decided to make this poll . . .

[NikolaiI]

Yes, they're mostly the only friends I have. My best friends from school are still my best friends and I see them whenever I'm in town. I have a lot of friends also that I see when I'm in town, friends of my friends that also went to school with. But then, that was only 4 years ago, so I guess I'll hope we remain friends.

[Bakiryu]

No. I move every six months and usually stay in a town less than a year. It's hard to keep friends when you're always moving and I don't think they care anyway.

[SleepyWitch]

yep, one of my best friends from school and her husband are still among my best friends. but then I'm not that old..

why do you have to keep moving, Baki?

[Pensive]

Friends are friends - whether old or new, I like to remain in touch with my friends but of course if something is preventing from that, one can't do anything.

[Virgil]

Not sure how to vote in the poll. When you live long enough you lose touch with many, but i still have six or seven friends that I keep in touch with that go back to teenage days. That's over thirty years. I voted for keeping in touch with one or two, but it's actually more than that.

[Logos]

so, do you keep in touch with your old friends - depending on your age, this could be friends from childhood, summer camp, high school, college, or beyond . . .
I do still keep in touch with a handful of friends (some from 20+ years ago from high school) Not that we talk everyday--weeks and or months can go by, but when we do see each other or chat on messenger it's just like old times :) Have you checked out facebook.com?


I'm recently feeling frustrated by the fact that I'm barely in touch with my old friends - from high school and college. Is there something wrong with me? Something wrong with them? I feel like they just don't want to talk to me. What is up? So I decided to make this poll . . . Well you're not alone in that. Everybody I know (out of highschool or uni) says the same thing. How hard it is to renew friendship, or maintain contact with friends. People commit to 'serious' relationships, travel or move away, get married, have kids, etc. etc., which all changes the dynamics of a friendship. Just a fact of life. I'd say if you're a few years out of school and working and such? and can say you have contact with even one old friend from public or high school, then you're in the minority, but very lucky, because as I said, most people I know don't seem to keep in touch.

[Elly_blue]

It's hard to keep friends when you're always moving .

I know exactly what you mean. I have moved about 10 times in three different countries, so it's hard to keep in touch with everybody.
But I do think it's importsnt to at least try to keep in touch with old friends, because they were part of your life once and have contributed to who you are today.

[Idril]

I have a couple of friends I'm still close to that I've known since toddlerhood but other than that, I've been very poor at keeping in contact with old friends. I've never been much of a letter writer and I hate chatting on the phone, I've never been a phone person so that makes keeping in touch a little difficult. I think the reason why I've kept the two I have is because we have such history that a span of a few months or even, at times, a year without contact means nothing in the context of a lifetime. No one gets upset if the other doesn't write, no one is keeping track of who's turn it is to write or call, we understand that life gets busy and complicated sometimes so it never becomes an obligation but a joy when we do talk.

[Virgil]

I'm recently feeling frustrated by the fact that I'm barely in touch with my old friends - from high school and college. Is there something wrong with me? Something wrong with them? I feel like they just don't want to talk to me. What is up? So I decided to make this poll . . .

Kratsy, I don't think that is uncommon. You are at an age where different interests will start pulling you in different directions. There was a gap of time with some of my childhood friends right after college where we had drifted apart. But some came back together and some didn't.

[kilted exile]

I have lost contact with a lot of my friends I had when growing up. I left Scotland in a hurry (made the decision and was gone in a week). Didn't even get round to telling some of them I was leaving. Was in touch with some of the closer friends for about a year after I left, but it is impossible. The last time I went back I tried a few of our old haunts, but time goes by, life gets in the way & people dont go to the places we used to anymore.

[Pendragon]

In my case, I have friends I would dearly love to see again. But then again, if they allow themselves to be told by others whom they may or may not have contact with and go along with that without question, are they worth me worrying about? My school friends moved away for the most part, I see one or two, but although I forget no one, I have chaged to the point that unless I am with my wife, no one knows me.

[Virgil]

I left Scotland in a hurry (made the decision and was gone in a week).

Wow, that takes a lot of guts. Good for you.

[Mortis Anarchy]

I've moved around a lot, but I still have some friends that I keep in touch with. I lost contact with most of my friends when I lived in Maryland, but that is only because I was young, really young. But I still email my friends from california and just recently I found my old second grade sweetheart! So now we keep in touch.

[kilted exile]

Wow, that takes a lot of guts. Good for you.

If I'd spent time thinking about it I'd have chickened out. Anyway, sure most people know the story so wont hijack the thread with nonsense about my life. For anyone unfamiliar with the tale however I will blog about it later this week (if I can avoid the laziness:p )

[kratsayra]

thanks for all the responses everyone! My internet is having troubles, so I can't devote enough time to responding to everything right now - but there's a bunch I wanted to say.

[Granny5]

We have friends who we have known for over 30 years that are like family. Sometimes we are closer than family really. And there is a girl I grew up with that is like a sister. We get in touch with each other about every 10 years or so and it's like we saw each other yesterday. But I think that's because we have so many of the same memories. Then there is a guy my husband grew up with and was best friends with who lives in the same town. They are close but really don't visit much. Our lives get in the way of staying in touch like we should.

[Shalot]

Sometimes friendships run their course and then they're over.

Are you female?

Female friendships are strange. Sometimes females friendships end abrubtly for some reason only known to the one who has found it necessary to end the friendship.

I think a Friends episode addressed this: One day, a female friend decides to cut you out and you don't have a clue why.

There might even be a book out - I think it's called "What did I do Wrong?" That title is probably not right but I am pretty sure the author's name is Liz Pryor and it's all about female friendships that end.

In my own life, I have been the friend who is suddenly shunned (this was in my teenage years) and as an adult, I think I might have outgrown some friendships and for a while I was puzzled as to why all this happened.

And now, I am this adult whose social life consists of posting on LitNet. I have a husband and that's really important, but somehow, I don't know how to have adult friendships. I don't really want to continue any friendships with my old friends. There are reasons for this that I don't care to go into here, but I am just wondering how an adult goes about making new friends?

I guess I have the only friend that matters though and I should be thankful for that.

Anyway, like Logos said, life goes on, people getting married and have kids and they don't keep up with their old friends. (Facebook looks scary by the way)

My mom told me that one day my old friends would call up out of the blue but I am not going to hold my breath.

[Granny5]

I have a lot of surface friends at work. But once you transfer or they leave, that friendship is over. I have lots of people I know and used to be close with. When we see each other we are happy and hug and promise to get together, but our priorities have changed us. My husband, my daughters, and my son are my true friends. And they will be lifetime friends so I guess that's what is important. True friends are there unconditionally, and that's what is most important.

[kiz_paws]

I have a couple of friends I'm still close to that I've known since toddlerhood but other than that, I've been very poor at keeping in contact with old friends. I've never been much of a letter writer and I hate chatting on the phone, I've never been a phone person so that makes keeping in touch a little difficult. I think the reason why I've kept the two I have is because we have such history that a span of a few months or even, at times, a year without contact means nothing in the context of a lifetime. No one gets upset if the other doesn't write, no one is keeping track of who's turn it is to write or call, we understand that life gets busy and complicated sometimes so it never becomes an obligation but a joy when we do talk.
That was well said, Idril, and is pretty much my story. I also blogged about running into someome dear from the past and we have renewed the friendship right where we left off -- kind of like you said above.

My friends are like a big patchwork quilt, each one is a patch unique in pattern, and much needed to fill all the spaces that make up the blanket as a whole. I need my quilt to keep me warm and I need it to wrap around me when life gets to me, so that I can keep my perspective.

Yay friends! :thumbs_up

[kratsayra]

I do still keep in touch with a handful of friends (some from 20+ years ago from high school) Not that we talk everyday--weeks and or months can go by, but when we do see each other or chat on messenger it's just like old times :) Have you checked out facebook.com?

Well you're not alone in that. Everybody I know (out of highschool or uni) says the same thing. How hard it is to renew friendship, or maintain contact with friends. People commit to 'serious' relationships, travel or move away, get married, have kids, etc. etc., which all changes the dynamics of a friendship. Just a fact of life. I'd say if you're a few years out of school and working and such? and can say you have contact with even one old friend from public or high school, then you're in the minority, but very lucky, because as I said, most people I know don't seem to keep in touch.

Facebook . . . well, yes I do have a facebook account and most of my friends do as well. But for some reason, it doesn't really facilitate us actually keeping in touch. People just post pictures of them hanging out with all their current friends, or whatever. Maybe I should use it more proactively, I dunno.

Yes, I remained in contact with my friends from high school through university, but I guess now that we are off finding our own ways in the world, it is more difficult. It seems that we have less and less in common with each other. Maybe when we all get married and start families and things we will have more similarities in our lives. Or maybe less. At least other people seem to have experienced similar things, to various degrees.

[kratsayra]

Sometimes friendships run their course and then they're over.

Are you female?

Female friendships are strange. Sometimes females friendships end abrubtly for some reason only known to the one who has found it necessary to end the friendship.

I think a Friends episode addressed this: One day, a female friend decides to cut you out and you don't have a clue why.

There might even be a book out - I think it's called "What did I do Wrong?" That title is probably not right but I am pretty sure the author's name is Liz Pryor and it's all about female friendships that end.

In my own life, I have been the friend who is suddenly shunned (this was in my teenage years) and as an adult, I think I might have outgrown some friendships and for a while I was puzzled as to why all this happened.

And now, I am this adult whose social life consists of posting on LitNet. I have a husband and that's really important, but somehow, I don't know how to have adult friendships. I don't really want to continue any friendships with my old friends. There are reasons for this that I don't care to go into here, but I am just wondering how an adult goes about making new friends?

I guess I have the only friend that matters though and I should be thankful for that.

Anyway, like Logos said, life goes on, people getting married and have kids and they don't keep up with their old friends. (Facebook looks scary by the way)

My mom told me that one day my old friends would call up out of the blue but I am not going to hold my breath.

Yes, I am female. Maybe that's the problem. :lol: My boyfriend does seem to have a bit better time keeping in contact with his friends from university than I do. And he makes like zero effort - they just contact him, even when he hasn't seen them in ages. oh well.

I would like to find that book. That's how I always feel - "what did I do wrong?" Although some of my best friends have been male, and they are counted among the people that I'm no longer in contact with.

I feel similar to a lot of what you say - I have no idea how people make friends as adults - even though I'm just starting to be an adult! And I have my boyfriend, and my mom too, other than that I have pretty much no close "real-life" friends right now. But there are plenty of online forum friends! Thank goodness. ;)

[Bakiryu]

why do you have to keep moving, Baki?

It's a family thing. It's like, my cousin's move somewhere, everybody moves there. Then we get move to another house in the same place, school ends, I move again. I like moving (must be the romani blood :lol: ) but i don't like leaving everyone behind.

[manolia]

My three best friends (2 female, 1 male) i know since i was 10. We know each other for 16 years and i am sure that won't change. Long distance is already between us, but every time we meet is like we were never separated ;)

[Annamariah]

I don't know what I should vote...

I just turned 19, so even my oldest friends aren't that old friends :lol:

I'm not sure who is my oldest friend. There's this boy from next door I've known since I was four or five years old, but that's mostly because we've been neighbours ever since and went to same schools for six years. Now I'm going to move to another town and he'll be going to army next january, but I think we'll keep in touch (at least via internet :D)

I only had one friend in junior high. She wasn't in my class, but we had some art courses together and became good friends. We see quite often, because we only live a bit less two kilometres apart, so it's not a long walk :D I think we'll always keep in touch, though :)

Then I made some friends in high school, but since I graduated just this spring, it's too early to say who I'll be friends with after ten years from now.

One of my best friends I only met for the first time less than three years ago, and we have really known each other well for only a year. I only hope this is just the beginning of a really long friendship :)

[Lote-Tree]

I don't have any friends because I am anti-social bastardo ;-)

Just kiddin :-)

Yep I keep in touch with my old friends - it can be surprising to know how their lives turn out...and the choices they have made and will make...and also to ask for favours ;-)