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andave_ya
08-06-2007, 02:51 PM
If this is very LOTR-ish, forgive me. I'm going to post it as fanfiction on another website. The first line is actually the title of a song.

There is no light
For the plight of my people.
We are a dying race
Lost in the aeons of Time.
There is none who hear the call of the ages-
The Valley of the Singing Gold is now only a flowering dream.
Beauty wanders dim under the light of the waning stars.
It is a firefly under the canopy of a tree hidden in the vastness of velvet night.

One by one, we have left these shores.
We have crossed the Sundering Seas to enter the Undying Lands.
Until I am left alone, last of my kin.
I stay because I am bound by cords of love
To this world I have walked many ages of men.
Though I know joy awaits across the seas,
Whispers of hope thread through my heart as I watch the dawn.
Yet awhile, I think, before I heed the call of the sea.

Years pass. Dawn to dusk and dusk to dawn.
Long days have I walked on the shore,
Waiting for the coming ship to take me hence.
When it comes, I will be ready.

The day dawns, and with it come cries of birds.
Graceful birds whispering of a ship come.
They come for me!

Awake, o wind!
Bear me far away to where the hosts of the ages dance and laugh together in love!
Awake, o wind!

Niamh
08-06-2007, 02:56 PM
Nice poem Adya! I really like the following lines...

If this is very LOTR-ish, forgive me. I'm going to post it as fanfiction on another website. The first line is actually the title of a song.

Beauty wanders dim under the light of the waning stars.
It is a firefly under the canopy of a tree hidden in the vastness of velvet night.



Awake, o wind!
Bear me far away to where the hosts of the ages dance and laugh together in love!
Awake, o wind!

Pendragon
08-07-2007, 04:45 PM
Very Tolkienish! One change to suggest, minute:

this line: "We are a dying people" change to "We are a dying race"

You have the word "people" appear twice too close together. Otherwise, great!

Pen

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Appaluse.gif

andave_ya
08-07-2007, 07:26 PM
Perfect! Thanks Pen, that bugged me too, but I didn't think of "race." And Tolkienish is the best I could ask for.

Niamh, those are my favorite lines too!

symphony
08-08-2007, 12:24 AM
I loved the closing stanza. Hell I loved the whole poem! Very well done, andy. ;)