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MaryLupin
08-04-2007, 11:15 AM
I went out yesterday to buy ginger tea—when I came
home the house next door was gone. The brown
stucco that glinted with shards of embedded glass in the sun,
the little black iron railings leading up, into, across the tongue
red carpet at the doorway: gone. There was, instead, a pile
of rubble and a Link Belt 210 LX
sitting on the legs of wreckage reaching back
toward the alley.

The machine was quiet. A man was moving
around, poking beneath boards, looking along the wall
of the other neighbour, still intact across the lot. I stood
at the fence—its boards a little bowed—the bulge toward my door, and bits
of window, a board shredded at one end, nails piercing
it in half-a-dozen places, were lying quietly on the walk between the fence
and my way in. The man saw me, skirted the largest bulge
of broken house, asked me for a hose…“a nozzle”
he said, “a hose with a nozzle.”

The man from upstairs came down, he had been watching too,
from his perch, and listening. He brought a long brown hose and a nozzle. Hooked
up at the wall, the water came fissing, drenching the boards, old carpet
shreds, nails, dry wall broken and concrete pebbles. The neighbour went back
up the wooden stairs—I think he was still watching—and the first man,
the nozzle man, climbed up inside the Link Belt 210 LX and started its motor.

At first it just sat there burbling, but then its single arm, and its bucket, a mouth and hand
at once, pulled up from the earth where it had lain unmoving. It pulled up, and once
clear of the broken house, it opened—a single tooth!—and like the jaw of a vole,
it clamped down on the hard shell of the heaped rubble. It turned a pile, in a stream
of water, and rolled it, stirred it to the bottom to wet it all.

That toothed hand took hold carefully: delicately it skittered under and then lifted
an old sign DO NOT DISTU broken but still nailed
securely to its bit of wall, a fine touch that hand/mouth, almost respectful: a gentle
gathering. The sign fell back into the well of the bucket, was carried
over, it hovered just for a moment at the edge of the tipped
toothed hand and then fell into the big blue
garbage container, half-full already, waiting at the edge of the alley.


A note and a question: I am no good at all at titles. Any suggestions?

firefangled
08-04-2007, 12:22 PM
I went out yesterday to buy ginger tea—when I came
home the house next door was gone. The brown
stucco that glinted with shards of embedded glass in the sun,
the little black iron railings leading up, into, across the tongue
red carpet at the doorway: gone. There was, instead, a pile
of rubble and a Link Belt 210 LX
sitting on the legs of wreckage reaching back
toward the alley.

The machine was quiet. A man was moving
around, poking beneath boards, looking along the wall
of the other neighbour, still intact across the lot. I stood
at the fence—its boards a little bowed—the bulge toward my door, and bits
of window, a board shredded at one end, nails piercing
it in half-a-dozen places, were lying quietly on the walk between the fence
and my way in. The man saw me, skirted the largest bulge
of broken house, asked me for a hose…“a nozzle”
he said, “a hose with a nozzle.”

The man from upstairs came down, he had been watching too,
from his perch, and listening. He brought a long brown hose and a nozzle. Hooked
up at the wall, the water came fissing, drenching the boards, old carpet
shreds, nails, dry wall broken and concrete pebbles. The neighbour went back
up the wooden stairs—I think he was still watching—and the first man,
the nozzle man, climbed up inside the Link Belt 210 LX and started its motor.

At first it just sat there burbling, but then its single arm, and its bucket, a mouth and hand
at once, pulled up from the earth where it had lain unmoving. It pulled up, and once
clear of the broken house, it opened—a single tooth!—and like the jaw of a vole,
it clamped down on the hard shell of the heaped rubble. It turned a pile, in a stream
of water, and rolled it, stirred it to the bottom to wet it all.

That toothed hand took hold carefully: delicately it skittered under and then lifted
an old sign DO NOT DISTU broken but still nailed
securely to its bit of wall, a fine touch that hand/mouth, almost respectful: a gentle
gathering. The sign fell back into the well of the bucket, was carried
over, it hovered just for a moment at the edge of the tipped
toothed hand and then fell into the big blue
garbage container, half-full already, waiting at the edge of the alley.


A note and a question: I am no good at all at titles. Any suggestions?

For me the title is superb! I love this type of poetry. It reminds me of Richard Brautigan.

I especially like the comparison of this giant machine beast to the structure of a tiny vole. Then you describe its actions so delicately. Nice counterpoint.

MaryLupin
08-04-2007, 12:56 PM
For me the title is superb! I love this type of poetry. It reminds me of Richard Brautigan.

That's quite a compliment. Thank you.

I particularly like his "The Galilee Hitch-Hiker." Have you read that one? And "My Nose is Growing Old" is hilarious.

PrinceMyshkin
08-04-2007, 02:05 PM
"Only connect..." is the not -quite epigram at the beginning of EM Forster's superb Howards' End, something you do so superbly here.

As poets we feel both privileged and obliged to transmute, to name, indeed "to connect" this with some improbable something else, but sometimes just plain, clear-sighted witnessing is the highest, noblest thing we can do, an affirmation of the commonness of our humanity with that which is observed.

I note that only here

like the jaw of a vole,

and here


That toothed hand took hold carefully: delicately

Do you presume to interpret, and then this:


an old sign DO NOT DISTU

is heartbreaking!


A note and a question: I am no good at all at titles. Any suggestions?

Yes, I have an excellent suggestion: Link Belt 210 LX!

blp
08-05-2007, 07:40 PM
Yup, good title. I like it a lot too, but I'm not convinced it needs line breaks. Have you tried it as a prose poem?

Firefangled, funny you should mention that Hitchhiker in Galilee poem. I wrote a spoof of it in the Sanskrit Poet's game thread.

http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=14298&page=3

MaryLupin
08-06-2007, 12:55 AM
Have you tried it as a prose poem?

nope - good idea though. I'll play with it. Wrote it one evening sitting at my widow looking at the hole in the ground I had discovered coming home earlier that day. Haven't touched it since.

libernaut
08-06-2007, 08:58 PM
the title works. it seems like it should be part of a greater piece. or maybe just the outline to one. it was good though i like it.

Captain Pike
09-23-2007, 02:44 PM
I think it's a great title. It caught my eye, while searching for something else, as a matter of fact, I forget now what I was looking for -- after reading your free association poem. Don't worry about the titles, maybe your kids will posthumously affix appropriate titles after they publish your work.;)