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Padma
08-03-2007, 09:53 AM
This poem expresses how I felt when my nephew was born. He was in another country and I could not visit him till he was 6 months old.

Please share your comments/criticism/feedback on it.

have a nice day!
Padma

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New Life, New Joy

Papa calls and gives me the news
Your sister had a baby last hour he says
A new life is born, a nephew has come
I tell my daughter, there is a cousin to welcome

What is this feeling the wonderful news brings
a lava of sweet love erupting cold volcanic springs
To leap and to land a sister's heart yearns
Cuddle the baby, hold her hands and heal her pains

I cannot go this instant, this day
All my commitments will make me stay
I set a future date to cross the miles
Until then there will be thoughts and faint smiles


Padma A

symphony
08-03-2007, 10:24 AM
The second and third stanza really spoke out to me.
The first one is okay too, but i thought it didnt have much strength in it. It was when that next stanza came that i was interested in this poem.

Padma
08-03-2007, 12:39 PM
Symphony,

Thanks for your comments. I agree, the second & third stanza are stronger and have more interesting word play.

The first one merely lays out the fact (news), the second captures emotion, while the third settles with reality.

I truly appreciate your thoughts on it.

Padma

Padma
08-05-2007, 10:22 PM
Here's another poem from me.

Padma

Reading my poem

Here you are reading my poem
Hearing my feelings as I say 'em
Dipping your hand in my stream of thought
Wondering if my hints were correctly caught

My poems are strings of words
Atop feathers of free flying birds
Lest aflight, the string slide and fall
And be scooped up by one standing tall

I will not bat an eye or heave a sigh
the bird has taken off, I don't care how high
Saying the words is what I like to do
I shout on a cliff, but ignore the echo too