Be

[CdnReader]

.

This between-space...
This breath between steps...
shall offer thee a window on what has gone before.

Look back.
Sweep thine eyes over the greenness of the valley,
the deep forest darkness that has sheltered thee,
the watery expanse that has carried thee here.
Cast your glance across the breadth of experience
that is you.

This between-space...
This warm and quiet embrace...
shall offer thee a vision of the future.

Look beyond and remember
what has not yet come to be.
Take me in your arms.
Spin me around the back of the moon.
Feel the tingling of stardust pass thee by
as we dance on a comet's trail,
skirting along the edge of quantum depths,
dipping and gliding through the shadows
of planets not yet born.
Take my hand...come with me beyond the universe...
back to where we have yet to begin.

But for now....
all that you need is here
in this between-space.

.
cdn/24jul07
.

[symphony]

back to where we have yet to begin.
*clap* *clap* *clap* *clap*

[symphony]

the very idea rocks.

[CdnReader]

Thanks, Symphony. :)

[motherhubbard]

.

This between-space...
This breath between steps...

This between-space...
This warm and quiet embrace...
shall offer thee a vision of the future.

beyond the universe...
back to where we have yet to begin.

But for now....
all that you need is here
in this between-space.




These are my favorite parts. I wonder if you should change has to hath to go along with the thee and thine... what do you think?

[CdnReader]

Hmmm..... Thank you, MH. I hathn't thought of that. :p And, to be literally correct with the language use would require other changes, since I have liberally switched throughout. For example, I've chosen to use "you" instead of "thou," and "your" instead of "thine" later in the poem.

Somehow it seems to flow better to me as is, but I wonder what others might think?

[PrinceMyshkin]

.

This between-space...
This breath between steps...
shall offer thee a window on what has gone before.

Look back.
Sweep thine eyes over the greenness of the valley,
the deep forest darkness that has sheltered thee,
the watery expanse that has carried thee here.
Cast your glance across the breadth of experience
that is you.

This between-space...
This warm and quiet embrace...
shall offer thee a vision of the future.

Look beyond and remember
what has not yet come to be.
Take me in your arms.
Spin me around the back of the moon.
Feel the tingling of stardust pass thee by
as we dance on a comet's trail,
skirting along the edge of quantum depths,
dipping and gliding through the shadows
of planets not yet born.
Take my hand...come with me beyond the universe...
back to where we have yet to begin.

But for now....
all that you need is here
in this between-space.

.
cdn/24jul07
.

The "between-space" concept is lovely and the rest of the poem bears it out with such free and lovely stretches of the imagination.

Needest thou, however, the archaism of "thee" which thou didst not anyway employ all the way through? And it confused me as to whether thou were addressing an imagined human lover, or God?

[PrinceMyshkin]

the very idea rocks.

Surely you ought to have said "rocketh"?

[symphony]

*scratching head*
sure.
the idea rocketh! rocketh hard! :D

[CdnReader]

The "between-space" concept is lovely and the rest of the poem bears it out with such free and lovely stretches of the imagination.

Thanks, Jer. :)


Needest thou, however, the archaism of "thee" which thou didst not anyway employ all the way through?

Admittedly, it wasn't my intention to make the language "match" all the way through, so I'll take this one on the chin. To me, the formal language transmits a reverence that seems appropriate to some lines and some sections, but in other places it feels dissonant and interrupts the flow of the words. That's my only excuse. Hehehe.....


And it confused me as to whether thou were addressing an imagined human lover, or God?

My original intention was to an imagined human lover....who has yet to make his appearance.... but it could also be interpreted as God speaking to the reader.

[Pendragon]

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/ThumbsUp.gif Almost too much for words...

[CdnReader]

Yowzas! Thank you so much, kind Sir Pendragon. :)

[Countess]

Love it - nature's imagery is gorgeous.

When I hear "in-between spaces" though, it reminds me of a play I wrote - 5 years ago I guess. Justin, the hard-up actor, uses the concept when discussing why he was on the elevator when it broke:


I take the freight to the roof. The street is always busiest at noon - all those self-absorbed people scurrying about like rats in a maze, or perhaps more like worms or ants. It's very entertaining, actually, to watch them, the way they creep and slither over and around each other to their destinations. From where I stand, they seem so insignificant and so unaware of it that I pity them, but I also envy them for their ignorance.

Ava, I want to be part of that system but I can't, so I look for openings in the chaos, for unmanned spaces. And when I find one, I wonder what it would be like to hit the pavement.

So, unfortunately for me, my initial reponse to the concept is not exactly positive. (-:

[CdnReader]

I look for openings in the chaos, for unmanned spaces. And when I find one, I wonder what it would be like to hit the pavement.

Ouch! Like a pound of strawberry jam. (Different kinda nature imagery...hahaha.)

[Countess]

Ouch! Like a pound of strawberry jam. (Different kinda nature imagery...hahaha.)

Yeah - and now you see why at first I felt a cognitive dissonance when you were discussing in-between spaces and the beauty of dancing along the comet's tail (I suppose after he hit the pavement he would be dancing along the comet's tail, and if Ava followed after they could both dance together. Maybe this would be the poem he would recite to her while holding her hand as they stand along the ledge...)

Morbid thought. No, no. I won't do that to your lovely poem.

[ampoule]

Yeah - and now you see why at first I felt a cognitive dissonance when you were discussing in-between spaces and the beauty of dancing along the comet's tail (I suppose after he hit the pavement he would be dancing along the comet's tail, and if Ava followed after they could both dance together. Maybe this would be the poem he would recite to her while holding her hand as they stand along the ledge...)

Morbid thought. No, no. I won't do that to your lovely poem.

Hmmm?? The quote above sounds a little like...

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after

Sorry, I'm in early childhood education!

Love your poem Cdn.

[CdnReader]

Many thanks, Ampoule. :)

[PrinceMyshkin]

Sorry, I'm in early childhood education!


No kidding! I would bet that you're in the very top ten percentle of your class!

[ampoule]

No kidding! I would bet that you're in the very top ten percentle of your class!

Oh, har har! ;) :D Jerry Jerry, quite contrary.....

[motherhubbard]

Oh, har har! ;) :D Jerry Jerry, quite contrary.....

are you sure he's not Georgy Peorgy:D

[PrinceMyshkin]

Oh, har har! ;) :D Jerry Jerry, quite contrary.....

Peggy, Peggy - lithe & leggy!:lol: