If Wal-Mart Sold Happiness

[PrinceMyshkin]

If Wal-mart sold happiness,
there’d be no need
for the wars in X
or Y or Z, and all
the worshippers
would wash out of the churches
and synagogues and mosques

If Wal-mart sold wisdom,
there’d be no need for us
to scratch away
at arcane texts
or to break our own
and others’ hearts
trying to find it
in love or alcohol or dope
or God.

If Wal-mart sold death
at its usual cut-throat prices,
with its usual thirty-day
satisfaction guaranteed
no-questions-asked
refund, how many
would line up
to get the latest,
the very latest thing
cheap?



Jerry Newman © July 23, 2007

Since the good, community-minded folk at Wal-Mart are always on the lookout for new ways to serve the public, please feel free to add your own suggestions as to what Wal-mart might sell

[firefangled]

If Wal-mart sold happiness,
there’d be no need
for the wars in X
or Y or Z, and all
the worshippers
would wash out of the churches
and synagogues and mosques

If Wal-mart sold wisdom,
there’d be no need for us
to scratch away
at arcane texts
or to break our own
and others’ hearts
trying to find it
in love or alcohol or dope
or God.

If Wal-mart sold death
at its usual cut-throat prices,
with its usual thirty-day
satisfaction guaranteed
no-questions-asked
refund, how many
would line up
to get the latest,
the very latest thing
cheap?



Jerry Newman © July 23, 2007

Since the good, community-minded folk at Wal-Mart are always on the lookout for new ways to serve the public, please feel free to add your own suggestions as to what Wal-mart might sell

What a concept! a 30 day trial to see what death is really like. I'll bite.

As for the poem, very original, I'd buy the poem too!

[PrinceMyshkin]

As for the poem, very original, I'd buy the poem too!

Not currently available due to the supplier's inability to provide at a price satisfactory to Wal-Mart, i.e., a living wage.

[motherhubbard]

I like it very much Prince! Your new stuff is even better than your old stuff.

Maybe Wal-Mart could sell health or honesty, of course that would directly conflict with much of their other merchandise

[apples of gold]

Oh this is good ... they know me there




One of the cashiers was selling respect
packaged in her friendly smiles
and pleasant chatter

Some of the customers,
I suppose miffed at the long line ups,
went through the auto checkout
and missed out on the bargain

Most of the customers settled for the cheaper
generic brand of civility

Some of the customers recoiled in disgust
at the mere sight of the merchandise
pilfered a knock-off on their way out
which turned out to be defective
then went back the next day
passed the goods off as the deluxe model
and demanded their money back

The greeter might have noticed the crime
if the darn incessant sorry we failed to …
hadn’t distracted her at the door

[Pensive]

I really liked it, PrinceMyshkin! Interesting and a unique concept.

[Pendragon]

A great poem and idea, what I have come to expect from you Jer! And how ironic, as well! Bravo!

What Walmart Doesn't Sell

Dropped in at Walmart to pick up a few things,
Just odds and ends needed at the moment.
I found them at last in the labyrinth of corridors,
where the workers vanish like shadows
as though a customer were the sun.

I was a child in the 60's and a teen in the 70's,
and remember quite clearly the experience of shopping.
The clerks knew you by name,
asked after your family, wrapped your packages,
never a doubt about who would take them to the car.

Manners were the thing when I got my job at Hardee's,
Customer Service and Satisfaction at the top of the list,
If we were a bit late with an order
we would get a severe chew-out,
now it's "Here. Bye."

You cannot bye "manners" at Walmart at any price...

Pendragon
© 7/24/07

[Bii]

If Wal-mart sold happiness,
there’d be no need
for the wars in X
or Y or Z, and all
the worshippers
would wash out of the churches
and synagogues and mosques

If Wal-mart sold wisdom,
there’d be no need for us
to scratch away
at arcane texts
or to break our own
and others’ hearts
trying to find it
in love or alcohol or dope
or God.

If Wal-mart sold death
at its usual cut-throat prices,
with its usual thirty-day
satisfaction guaranteed
no-questions-asked
refund, how many
would line up
to get the latest,
the very latest thing
cheap?



Jerry Newman © July 23, 2007

Since the good, community-minded folk at Wal-Mart are always on the lookout for new ways to serve the public, please feel free to add your own suggestions as to what Wal-mart might sell

I like it! Slightly bitter at the edges, and certainly not cheap! But you are an M&S man, are you not?! It's not just poetry.....

[PrinceMyshkin]

I like it! Slightly bitter at the edges, and certainly not cheap! But you are an M&S man, are you not?! It's not just poetry.....



I'm an M&S man, yes I am!
I wear their jockeys,
I eat their spam
(Melton Mowbray, that is)
I wear my daddy's knickers
and smear my face with jam!
I love to go out shopping
and pocket a thing or two.
And if the coppers should ever nab me
I'll say 'twas all because of you!

[motherhubbard]

A great poem and idea, what I have come to expect from you Jer! And how ironic, as well! Bravo!

What Walmart Doesn't Sell

Dropped in at Walmart to pick up a few things,
Just odds and ends needed at the moment.
I found them at last in the labyrinth of corridors,
where the workers vanish like shadows
as though a customer were the sun.

I was a child in the 60's and a teen in the 70's,
and remember quite clearly the experience of shopping.
The clerks knew you by name,
asked after your family, wrapped your packages,
never a doubt about who would take them to the car.

Manners were the thing when I got my job at Hardee's,
Customer Service and Satisfaction at the top of the list,
If we were a bit late with an order
we would get a severe chew-out,
now it's "Here. Bye."

You cannot bye "manners" at Walmart at any price...

Pendragon
© 7/24/07

this was my thought. how much better would the world be if

[Bii]

I'm an M&S man, yes I am!
I wear their jockeys,
I eat their spam
(Melton Mowbray, that is)
I wear my daddy's knickers
and smear my face with jam!
I love to go out shopping
and pocket a thing or two.
And if the coppers should ever nab me
I'll say 'twas all because of you!

My goodness, it'll be 'any old iron' next!

[motherhubbard]

Searching for just the right item
among the dented cans and clearance bins
in the back near the restrooms,
I began to wonder if there was any end
to the things I might find.
A dusty can of organic tomatoes
Several unmated socks, only fifty cents.
five gallons of ketchup,
perfect for an industrial kitchen,
or several neighborhood cookouts.
Don’t forget the lawn chairs!
Then it was there,
beneath last seasons Halloween decorations,
under some ribbon and too dark lipstick -
dignity, marked down, for sale but not for purchase.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Searching for just the right item
among the dented cans and clearance bins
in the back near the restrooms,
I began to wonder if there was any end
to the things I might find.
A dusty can of organic tomatoes
Several unmated socks, only fifty cents.
Ten pounds of ketchup,
perfect for an industrial kitchen,
or several neighborhood cookouts.
Don’t forget the lawn chairs!
Then it was there,
beneath last seasons Halloween decorations,
under some ribbon and too dark lipstick -
dignity, marked down, for sale but not for purchase.

I love this. Catalogue poems are so easy to write but so hard t o do well, as you do here, and the thought of Wal-Mart selling dignity is exactly the sort of thing I was hoping people would present.

How much FUN you are!

[PrinceMyshkin]

the workers vanish like shadows
as though a customer were the sun.

Is mere genius, Dude! Mere genius! Thank you.

[motherhubbard]

Oh this is fun, I hate Wal-mart, I really do.

Imagine it not there.
High fructose corn syrup or olestra,
pasteurized processed American cheese food-
replaced instead with fresh and local
meat, cheese, and milk
Tobacco is out .
No more emphysema sold here!
Pills and potions replaced instead
with self worth and little signs that read
“You don’t really need that, you‘re lovely with out it.”
The yellow happy face on the bright blue sign
Tucks his wallet in his back pocket, deciding
against the four dollar shirt
made by an eight year old in Indonesia.
But, a patriot must spend, consume.
After all, what is a dollar in the global market?
“A penny saved is a penny earned” is no longer American.

[PrinceMyshkin]

a patriot must spend, consume.


So (unfortunately) true! Do you remember after 9/11 how George Bush specifically broadcast that it was every American's duty to go out and spend - or buy...

[motherhubbard]

Yes I do!

[motherhubbard]

Now I want to pick on McDonalds, Monsanto, Viacom, and the mass media!

[PrinceMyshkin]

Now I want to pick on McDonalds, Monsanto, Viacom, and the mass media!

Not to mention the purveyors of the fast-food religious industry!

[motherhubbard]

I thought about that too

[ampoule]

Geez louise Prince...you live religion 97% more than I do. ;)

[motherhubbard]

Geez louise Prince...you live religion 97% more than I do. ;)


I've thought that myself, and I find it ironic.

[ampoule]

I've thought that myself, and I find it ironic.

Uh-oh, mother, he's gonna be mad at us when he gets back from his lunch with X. I'm going to hide under the bed. Don't tell!

[motherhubbard]

I was going to stand behind you! not so much to back you up, but to hide

[ampoule]

I was going to stand behind you! not so much to back you up, but to hide


haha...maybe his senses will be dulled from too much Dim-Sum and he'll need a little snooze.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Geez louise Prince...you live religion 97% more than I do. ;)

Well, marry-it, Harriet! Somebody's got to do it. You part-time God-heads (or is it "Godlings" or just plain nuts?) only go to Church but once a week (at best). I'm into it 24/7.

'Sides which in MY church I'm both Pope, Chief Rabbi, Imam, theologian AND apostate!

[ampoule]

Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Too late, run motherhubbard! She had no part in this. It's all my fault. What do you mean go stand in those flames over there? Willingly?

[motherhubbard]

you're a brave woman ampoule!:thumbs_up

I'm a three times a week person myself and daily home study. Write it on the door post and the walls! I’m much too busy studying and practicing to be Pope or Rabbi. I’ll leave that to you. I'll take my brand of foolishness.:p

[motherhubbard]

ok not good but a thought


One quarter of a pound is not enough,
I’ll take a double.
And those fries, super-size.
Nine cups of sugar in the gallon cup?
Well, that will just make me sweeter!
Wow, you’re drive through is so efficient.
And credit cards accepted,
what could be more convenient?
I will come again, I’ll see you for dinner!
Please, let me thank you.
The money I saved on this value meal
will really help me pay the bills.
The hospital is turning me over for collection.

[Countess]

Hey, I work at Walmart! (Where do you think I got "Walmart's Renaissance school of Three"?)

This forum is not suitable - too elevated - for what I have to say about Walmart. Let's just say my coworkers and I often joke "Here at Walmart, we use KY with our employees!"

[motherhubbard]

[QUOTE=Countess;417713
This forum is not suitable - too elevated - for what I have to say about Walmart. Let's just say my coworkers and I often joke "Here at Walmart, we use KY with our employees!"[/QUOTE]

:D :lol: :lol: :lol: :D

[kiz_paws]

OMG, what a delightful thread indeed.... Keep it goin'! :lol:

[Countess]

Here at Walmart, we use KY with our employees!
Our management team drops Irish Spring most regularly!
And if you wish "A raise, sir, please!"
You must spend some time on your hands and knees!

[PrinceMyshkin]

If Wal-Mart sold truth
would you check
the expiration date first?

If Wal-Mart sold wisdom
would you ask
where it had been imported from?

If Wal-Mart sold lies
would you buy a few extra
before they ran out?

If Wal-Mart sold war
would we need
the government?

[firefangled]

Two isles diverged in a new Wal-Mart,
And sorry I had not time for both
And being one shopper, not too smart,
I looked hard and long leaning on my cart,
and as the minutes passed the more I loathed

My thirty minute lunch as just not fair,
for I so desired to shop both isles,
one was neatly stocked with love and care
and I sensed a gentle light that lingered there
so pleasing to my sight I had to smile,

Then disregarding livelihood and dread,
I pushed ahead and left the heavenly glow,
my heart pounding for what elsewhere lie ahead,
forsaking something special so they’ve said,
but knowing I must go where I must go.

I tell this to you reader as I pay,
the day they sold salvation at a loss,
two isles diverged upon that fateful day,
and from these flames, oh hear me when I say
don’t lose your job and soul on a coin toss.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Two isles diverged in a new Wal-Mart,
And sorry I had not time for both
And being one shopper, not too smart,
I looked hard and long leaning on my cart,
and as the minutes passed the more I loathed

My thirty minute lunch as just not fair,
for I so desired to shop both isles,
one was neatly stocked with love and care
and I sensed a gentle light that lingered there
so pleasing to my sight I had to smile,

Then disregarding livelihood and dread,
I pushed ahead and left the heavenly glow,
my heart pounding for what elsewhere lie ahead,
forsaking something special so they’ve said,
but knowing I must go where I must go.

I tell this to you reader as I pay,
the day they sold salvation at a loss,
two isles diverged upon that fateful day,
and from these flames, oh hear me when I say
don’t lose your job and soul on a coin toss.

What are you, like, some freaking genius?

I suppose the next thing you write will be, like,


I will arise and go now and go to Wal-Mart...

[firefangled]

ROTFLMAO...I was thinking..."I sing my cart and celebrate my cart and what I shall buy on sale, you shall buy on sale."

[CdnReader]

I especially loved this part, Mother Hubbard.



Pills and potions replaced instead
with self worth and little signs that read
“You don’t really need that, you‘re lovely with out it.”


That's DEFINITELY the Wal-Mart I want to shop in. :D

[CdnReader]

If Wal-Mart sold consciences,
would only those who already have one
show up to buy?

[Orpheus]

This is the best thread I have seen on this forum.

[Countess]

Firefangled - pure genius. Finally, you and Prince have succumbed to my influence and have written satire! :D And now every day I get to laugh myself off the sofa at your silly verses! :lol:

Yay for me! Woot! as Kizzy would say.

PS: PRINCE, I'm going to print this thread out and take it to work to share with my fellow slave laborers

[motherhubbard]

I always think about all of the shopping that goes on during this time of year-

The risks are socialized
But the reward is privatized
The less it cost the more we really pay
Who knows the true price of our bargain?
How sad- those with money have no real need
While those with real need have no money
Still, more and more is not enough-
What do we stand to profit by spending?

[PrinceMyshkin]

I always think about all of the shopping that goes on during this time of year-

The risks are socialized
But the reward is privatized
The less it cost the more we really pay
Who knows the true price of our bargain?
How sad- those with money have no real need
While those with real need have no money
Still, more and more is not enough-
What do we stand to profit by spending?


Well said - is this influenced perhaps by the conversation Bill Moyers had last night on his programme?

[amanda_isabel]

great discussion... i wonder why i haven;t seen this before. i am so blind.

my teenage mind wishes they sold boyfriends at Wal-mart...

aisles and aisles
of consumables
and consumers
myself among them
an excited, almost expectant
consumer of you
waiting in line
only to discover
you're not on the shelf.


kinda shallow, i guess, but i want a boyfriend... lol at myself..

[motherhubbard]

Well said - is this influenced perhaps by the conversation Bill Moyers had last night on his programme?

Yes it was Jerry. We're so far away from each other and we still watch the same TV- kind of funny. I wish I could have stayed up to watch the next guy but I was too tired.


great discussion... i wonder why i haven;t seen this before. i am so blind.

my teenage mind wishes they sold boyfriends at Wal-mart...

aisles and aisles
of consumables
and consumers
myself among them
an excited, almost expectant
consumer of you
waiting in line
only to discover
you're not on the shelf.


kinda shallow, i guess, but i want a boyfriend... lol at myself..

I didn't think it was at all shallow. I really liked it and it was an interesting turn. Good luck with the boyfriend. Have you ever heard to be careful what you wish for? :D

[Logos]

:lol: excellent thread indeed. Great for some late night larfs. Now I am NOT going to post a poem, don't worry :p but I can't help myself, must post links to two excellent documentaries about The Hell That Is Wal-Mart, heheheee:

"Wal-Mart Nation"; produced by Ultramagnetic Productions; directed by Andrew Munger with CBC Newsworld:
http://www.cbc.ca/thelens/program_131107.html
http://www.walmartnation.com/

and

Robert Greenwald's "Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Price"
http://www.walmartmovie.com/

--

[amanda_isabel]

thanks motherhubbard.. and lol at the wish part! :)

[PrinceMyshkin]

Yes it was Jerry. We're so far away from each other and we still watch the same TV- kind of funny. I wish I could have stayed up to watch the next guy but I was too tired.

Well, I'm PROUD of us for being fans of the excellent Mr Moyers... and I have in work a poem about the way he listens!

I thought there was a whole lesson in civility and even agape in the way he listens!

[motherhubbard]

:lol: excellent thread indeed. Great for some late night larfs. Now I am NOT going to post a poem, don't worry :p but I can't help myself, must post links to two excellent documentaries about The Hell That Is Wal-Mart, heheheee:

"Wal-Mart Nation"; produced by Ultramagnetic Productions; directed by Andrew Munger with CBC Newsworld:
http://www.cbc.ca/thelens/program_131107.html
http://www.walmartnation.com/

and

Robert Greenwald's "Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Price"
http://www.walmartmovie.com/

--

I've see both and they are really something-
I thing you should compose a little something and post it sometime Logos!

[PrinceMyshkin]

great discussion... i wonder why i haven;t seen this before. i am so blind.

my teenage mind wishes they sold boyfriends at Wal-mart...

aisles and aisles
of consumables
and consumers
myself among them
an excited, almost expectant
consumer of you
waiting in line
only to discover
you're not on the shelf.


kinda shallow, i guess, but i want a boyfriend... lol at myself..

The sad thing, dear Amanda,
dear Isabel, is that he
was probably just one or two aisles over
wondering, Where is she, where is she?

[firefangled]

Call the next special of the day,
The irresistible one that turns a cart
In mid stride, the jabbering jam-packer
Of aisles. The wenches dawdle in the profusion
The box boys bring, like in the newspaper.
Listen as it rings throughout the store.
Take the nectar from the voice to heart.
The only emperor is the emperor of Wal-Mart.

Take for the dresses this deal.
Take the truck mud-flaps and door knobs,
And the fake embroidered pillows, cheap.
Heap them not so high that you can’t see
The coming light that in the aisle protrudes,
On the fork lift he rides and sings of house ware,
Of furniture that comes in unassembled parts.
The only emperor is the emperor of Wal-Mart.

[kiz_paws]

The sad thing, dear Amanda,
dear Isabel, is that he
was probably just one or two aisles over
wondering, Where is she, where is she?
Sweet. And may dear Amanda find her heart! :)


Call the next special of the day,
The irresistible one that turns a cart
In mid stride, the jabbering jam-packer
Of aisles. The wenches dawdle in the profusion
The box boys bring, like in the newspaper.
Listen as it rings throughout the store.
Take the nectar from the voice to heart.
The only emperor is the emperor of Wal-Mart.

Take for the dresses this deal.
Take the truck mud-flaps and door knobs,
And the fake embroidered pillows, cheap.
Heap them not so high that you can’t see
The coming light that in the aisle protrudes,
On the fork lift he rides and sings of house ware,
Of furniture that comes in unassembled parts.
The only emperor is the emperor of Wal-Mart.
OMG, toooooo priceless! Merçi beaucoup! :thumbs_up

[PrinceMyshkin]

Call the next special of the day,
The irresistible one that turns a cart
In mid stride, the jabbering jam-packer
Of aisles. The wenches dawdle in the profusion
The box boys bring, like in the newspaper.
Listen as it rings throughout the store.
Take the nectar from the voice to heart.
The only emperor is the emperor of Wal-Mart.

Take for the dresses this deal.
Take the truck mud-flaps and door knobs,
And the fake embroidered pillows, cheap.
Heap them not so high that you can’t see
The coming light that in the aisle protrudes,
On the fork lift he rides and sings of house ware,
Of furniture that comes in unassembled parts.
The only emperor is the emperor of Wal-Mart.


Call the roller of big cigars,
The muscular one, and bid him whip
A poem at some bargain price
And for your pleasure at this time of year
May we present P. Quince on his
Special for the season, low-price klavier

[motherhubbard]

Listen as it rings throughout the store.
Take the nectar from the voice to heart.
The only emperor is the emperor of Wal-Mart.



I just got so excited by this. You wow me.

[amanda_isabel]

The sad thing, dear Amanda,
dear Isabel, is that he
was probably just one or two aisles over
wondering, Where is she, where is she?


oh so he's looking for me now? lol just kidding

sweet thought though :) thanks

[amanda_isabel]

Sweet. And may dear Amanda find her heart! :)


OMG, toooooo priceless! Merçi beaucoup! :thumbs_up



thanks kiz :) i'll find it soon enough, unless it finds me before then.. okayyyy i might be turning this thread in the wrong direction, lol... :)

[Pendragon]

If Walmart sold forgiveness:
"And Forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those that trespass against us."

I wonder how long people would wait for a sale
Hoping to get forgiveness to give at a cut-rate
Before it ever left the store?

"Grudges, Aisle 2, where two lovely people wait to assist you,
Are one of our hottest items.You can carry a grunge. You can be-grudge someone!
You can nurse a grudge. You can hold a grudge against anyone!
You can have a grudge fight!

Forgiveness gatherers dust...

[motherhubbard]

maybe if forgiveness were marked up and there were several commercials featuring fantastically beautiful women hanging on the rather regular dumpy man who was smart enough to spend a fortune on forgiveness then there would be a run on those dusty packages

[Bakiryu]

I'm not going to write a poem, but if walmart sold any of these things I'd get such a such discount, all my family works there. :lol:

[PrinceMyshkin]

If Walmart sold emptiness
our carts would be filled
to underflowing.

[kiz_paws]

Happy are the poets, because they see things as they really are and try to paint the visions for the rest of us to mull over. Bravo to Pen and PrinceM:


If Walmart sold forgiveness:
"And Forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those that trespass against us."

I wonder how long people would wait for a sale
Hoping to get forgiveness to give at a cut-rate
Before it ever left the store?

"Grudges, Aisle 2, where two lovely people wait to assist you,
Are one of our hottest items.You can carry a grunge. You can be-grudge someone!
You can nurse a grudge. You can hold a grudge against anyone!
You can have a grudge fight!

Forgiveness gatherers dust...


If Walmart sold emptiness
our carts would be filled
to underflowing.

[amanda_isabel]

Happy are the poets, because they see things as they really are and try to paint the visions for the rest of us to mull over. Bravo to Pen and PrinceM:

agreed.

how do you suppose things would turn if Wal-mart sold death? (hang-over from the last poem I read--Sangre)

not in the mood to write right now, especially not about death. please do the honors, PBM. thanks :)