Breaking the mould

[dibyendra]

I'm coming out of my shell
being isolated hollowed my life out to the bone
so, injecting a new life inside me

I'm breaking the barriers
being imprisoned right here didn't make all the difference
so, spreading my wings to fly

I'm starting off with new visions
couldn't advance with the knowledge acquired so far
so, thinking outside the box

I'm shedding my inhibitions
kept myself chained for so many years under darkness
so, pushing myself toward brighter side

I'm moving ahead, I've learnt my lessons
regretting too much made no sense at all
so, waving bitter yesterdays a sweet goodbye

I'm reshaping myself and redefining my life
tired of grilling myself “should I need changes?”
so, I'm breaking the mould

[ampoule]

I like this. It sounds like a song. :)

[dibyendra]

Thanks ampoule for your comment. But what made you think it as a song ? If that sounds like a song, I must add some chorus in it. :)

[ampoule]

Thanks ampoule for your comment. But what made you think it as a song ? If that sounds like a song, I must add some chorus in it. :)

That must be the reason, because as I read it I thought, this needs a chorus. The poem itself doesn't NEED a chorus but the way I was reading it did. Does that make sense? I like it either way.

[Pendragon]

AMP is right, the rhythm of the poem could be a song. Doesn't have to be, but could be. What most people never see in music is the poetry behind the song. Take "Hotel California" People love those guitar riffs, but Don Henley wrote a lot of imagery into the poetry of the song. In the end, it's your choice. It's wonderful poetry and also would make a wonderful song.

Pen

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/PuppyLove.gif

[dibyendra]

Thank you ampoule & Pen for your views about my poem. I'll definitely come back soon here with revised version or maybe with a complete transformation of this poem.

[dibyendra]

Dear all,

I've made another attempt to write the same poem "Breaking the mould" with a complete transformation on it. I've updated the updated poem in the previous post of this thread. Hope you all will love this one.

Thank you all !

Regards,
Dibyendra

[dibyendra]

I would like to hear your suggestions for this poem.

[dibyendra]

Appended my new poem "Beauty of the silence on the night" in this thread....

Beauty of the silence on the night

complete darkness outside now
shower of rain and light wind making a pleasant sound
continuous croaking of the frogs and barking of the dogs I hear
I can feel the natural sound of silence peacefully
lights turned off and windows partially opened
lying in the bed with my eyes opened
gazing on the penetrated dim light of streetlights

slowly and secretly, night it falls deep and silence it grows
maybe all the houses might have fallen asleep by now
but I'm wondering how to pass this lonely night
then silence it creeps beside me as a companion
I murmur on it not to break this peaceful silence
I pour feelings under the breath and silence kindly listens to me

slowly and silently, speechless I become
unconsciously, I become a spectator of this silence
comfortably feeling the beauty on it and lost in it
silence makes a plea to the night for an easy sleep
but now, it's too late to sleep and too early to wake up
soon the break of the dawn steals darkness
and takes silence along with it...