Remember

[totyfroty]

A new poem

Need your opinion

Remember.....
I loved and cared
Remember...
I never betray
It is you who hurt me
Long time ago
Now you are back
Full of love and care
You left nothing but despair
It is too late my dear
Finally, I am healed
I spent years in pain
I forgave but in vain
Everyday you make a mistake
You come to say
It is out of my hand
I will repent
It is you I love
They meant nothing
Really, they don't?
If I meant anything
You wouldn't hurt me
How many time you lied
How many girl you hurt
Do not play innocent on me
You are a liar, you are deceptive
You will end up all alone
That is what you deserve
I pity you, you know
You will never feel love
You will never be happy
So, deceive and lie
It will come back on you
You will be miserable


:)

[PrinceMyshkin]

Sorry to hear about the pain you experienced.

[totyfroty]

thanks

[totyfroty]

Opinions , please!

[Pendragon]

OK, Toty. The poem is from emotion which for me is the soul of poetry. I think maybe what it could use is structure of some sort... I'm going to play with it, feel free to take it all with a grain of salt, the poem is yours, not mine.


Remember...
I loved and cared—
Remember...
I never betrayed—

It is you who hurt me,
A long time ago;
Now you are back,
Full of love and care...
You left nothing but despair—

It is too late my dear,
Finally, I am healed.
I spent years in pain—
I forgave but in vain...

Everyday you make a mistake—
You come to say:
"It is out of my hand
I will repent; it is you I love!
They meant nothing!"

Oh, yeah, really, they don't?

If I had meant anything
You wouldn't hurt me...
How many times have you lied?
How many girls have you hurt?
Do not play innocent with me...

You are a liar; you are deceptive;
You will end up all alone!
That is what you deserve—
I pity you, you know...

You will never feel love—
You will never be happy—
So, deceive and lie…
It will come back on you—
You will be miserable…
You got just what you chose to.



As I say, just my idea, and feel free to reject it, I will not feel at all slighted.

Pen

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/PuppyLove.gif

[totyfroty]

Thanks , Pen
I will consider your suggestion

[dibyendra]

I had a situation about few months ago when my girl left me alone. I had written a following poem which I must have posted this poem in this forum.

Without You

I know your pain & sufferings
and I know how you've gone through
dreams I had for you have now only been dreams
and they never came true

was our relationship that weak ?
it has been blown away like it was written in the sand
it has faded away with unknown reasons
may be I'm the unfortunate one with fake lines in my hand

nights without sleep when I've suffered only with tears
only questions were running in my head
I was wondering for what I have done wrong
and remembering the things that she said

I couldn't erase those memories & I tried a lot
I even screamed, laughed, cried and tore all the pictures
It ain't easy to forget the time we spent together
and the talks over phone for hours and hours

I tried to generate hate just to forget you
but it brought you even more nearer
I tried being numb just to get you out of my mind
but the picture I had you in my mind got more clearer

so now you've chosen the separate way
in which I can never walk upon
I'm fallen back to the path where I was before
and I thought that I'll never cross that line again

I found the difference of not having you
I was quite empty and got nothing to do
the daily routine which I had has changed now
I was quite lost on my own and got nowhere to go

now I have to live in the present and I can't always live in the past
now I have to change the broken track into something new
even though I was not invited at the best moments of your life
anyway I wish you a very best wishes for your new life and saying a goodbye