longing for home

[motherhubbard]

I think there is a lot of room for improvement here. let me know what you would do :)

I long for home,
even when I’m there
Long for endless summer days going nowhere
and nowhere to go

I long to watch the children
And the garden
And the grass
Grow taller and fuller

For the cool nights
And fireflies
to pepper the fields of wildflowers
and morning glories

I long to be refreshed
by morning birdsong and
gentle breezes that fill my summer
dreams and yearning soul.

I long for sudden showers
that clean the trees
and quiet the dust
Leaving the world bright and new again

[stephofthenight]

to pepper the feilds of wildflowers, i dont know i think peppered is a adj. describing the wildflowers. like randomly placed is peppered. well thats just me.
steph

[PrinceMyshkin]

I think there is a lot of room for improvement here. let me know what you would do :)

The only room for improvement I can think of is that you write and post another poem as wonderful as this, which would be an improvement in quantity but not necessarily quality!


I long for home,
even when I’m there

This freaked me out as I'd expressed the same thought in an epigram I attributed to one of the characters in my first novel: "You're never so far from home as when you're there."

Especially loved the following lines:


to pepper the fields of wildflowers
and morning glories

and


I long for sudden showers
that clean the trees
and quiet the dust
Leaving the world bright and new again

These last lines remind me of a time I was driving a tractor back along the river Jordan just after a rain and I looked up at the normally pale, tired-looking ancient hills of Gallilee, and all the colours appeared to have been revived.

BRAVO!

[motherhubbard]

Prince, I feel so complimented. That really means a lot coming from you as I know you would have told me your thoughts on what needed to be changed.

I had not thought of Gallilee as being a place with tractors. The area looks so barren in pictures. I can imagine you on that tractor appreciating the awakening that comes after a rain washes the world clean.

I saw you book of poetry on Amazon recently. I thought I’d let you know.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Prince, I feel so complimented. That really means a lot coming from you as I know you would have told me your thoughts on what needed to be changed.

I had not thought of Gallilee as being a place with tractors. The area looks so barren in pictures. I can imagine you on that tractor appreciating the awakening that comes after a rain washes the world clean.

I saw you book of poetry on Amazon recently. I thought I’d let you know.

This was at Kfar Blum, a kibbutz in the upper Galilee, very close to Lebanon and below the Golan Heights. Was there for 9 months or so as part of a workshop for young Labour Zionists.

I returned there 25 years later with my first-born, Rafael, for his 13th birthday in lieu of a Bar Mitzvah since my kids aren't Jewish by Jewish law.

[Pendragon]

Oh, yeah, Mother H. A new Emily Dickinson, but hopefully you will be recognized while you are still alive!

Pen

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/PuppyLove.gif

[motherhubbard]

thank you Pen, that means a lot coming from you. Thank you very much

[Granny5]

Mother, It's beautiful. I know the exact feeling....the exact field.